


Waves of Time

by blossomdays



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), GOT7, JJ Project, Monsta X (Band), TWICE (Band), VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, GOT7 is the main group sorry other fandoms, Homophobia, INDEFINITE HIATUS, M/M, Mark / Ravi / Suga as best friends, OT5 as Children, Slow Burn, The Vow AU, Underage Drinking, Verse 2 Inspiration, Yugyeom / Jungkook as best friends, a lot of it, basically I took The Vow and added Verse 2, because why not, but it's not gonna end like the vow, but it's only in a few chapters don't worry, jjparents, tags are messy but worth it, the other groups are just their friends so no major roles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 18:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomdays/pseuds/blossomdays
Summary: Jaebum wakes up one day thinking he's 18, going to University with his best friend Jinyoung. But when Jinyoung tells him that he's actually 29, married to Jinyoung with 5 children, Jaebum doesn't quite know what to do. What happened in the last 10 years of his life for him to fall in love with his best friend?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thedevilshometheater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilshometheater/gifts).



> So basically one day at 4am I wanted to write something and it turned into a JJP fanfic. This is my 1st time writing in English and about GOT7 so be lenient.

He calls it Fate. You may call it God or even Universe. That strange and unexplainable force pulling and putting people and events together. For years he tried to deny it, to live without even thinking about it. He understood quickly that we cannot run from Fate: it will always be there watching for your next move. Was it also because of Fate that everything happened between of them? Certainly. But was it fair? Absolutely not. He wanted to have more time with him, to experience many more firsts with him, but was it too late now?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 2nd chapter is not that angsty so be prepared for the rest haha Enjoy :)

Jaebum woke up in his old bedroom in Ilsan, alone and unsure of what happened and why he was back home. Just like in any other dangerous and scary situation he called the only person he knew he could trust, “Mom!” he screamed. He was left without an answer. Just when he was about to get up, the door opened on his best friend, the other person in the whole world he loved the most after his mom: Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung-ah, do you mind telling me why we’re here?” he asked sitting back on his bed when he saw Jinyoung sitting on his desk chair.

A minute passed and then another and still no answer. Just Jinyoung looking at him as if he were some kind of monster.

“Yah! Park Jinyoung answer me!”

“Jaebum hyung I’m so sorry," sobbed Jinyoung suddenly.

He has seen Jinyoung cry before but it was the first time that he had seen him looking this…broken. He quickly got up to embrace his friend.

“Jinyoung-ah I’m sorry I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Everything is just so confusing right now that I was impatient.”

“Don’t apologise hyung…," said Jinyoung between sobs, “It’s my fault…”

Jaebum cupped Jinyoung’s face in his hands because he knew his best friend, he knew it was the only way for Jinyoung to look at him in situations like this, situations where he would only blame himself and not explain why.

“Tell me what happened, Jinyoung-ah.”

Just when he was about to open his mouth the door opened again but not on his parents but on a little boy. He was as tall as his desk, his hair as black as watermelon seeds, he was definitely young but his face seemed older, maybe 4.

“Daddy! Jackson said he couldn’t deal with Bambam anymore but he didn’t want to bother you and Dad so I decided to go see you myself and tell you," explained the little boy quite fast and without articulating much but strangely Jaebum understood everything as if he were already used to it. But then it hit him. That young boy just called Jinyoung _daddy_ , since when was Jinyoung a dad? _Didn’t want to bother you and Dad_? Wait, if Jinyoung’s Daddy, is he the Dad? What the fuck was going on?

“No sweetie it’s okay, I’ll be there in 2 minutes," replied Jinyoung putting the young boy on his lap for a few seconds and kissing him on the forehead.

The boy exited the room running without closing the door and Jaebum could hear him yell “Bambam daddy said he’s coming! Go hide quickly!”

Jaebum returned his attention to Jinyoung. He was smiling, genuinely smiling with all his teeth out and without a hand in front of his mouth. Since when was Jinyoung doing that?

“Jinyou…," started Jaebum

“His name is Yugyeom," said Jinyoung quickly, “He’s 4 but he’s turning 5 in a month. I know you can’t remember much and I’m so sorry Jaebumie, I mean hyung, Jaebum hyung.” Tears started forming at the corners of Jinyoung’s eyes but Jaebum quickly asked:

“Why is he calling you daddy?”

“Because I’m his dad," Jinyoung replied while taking a deep breath, as if he was trying to give himself strength for what was going on, “you’re his dad too hyung. You just don’t remember it.”

Wait, what? Jaebum was a dad? And he had a child with Jinyoung? The last thing he remembered was the University Moving-In Day and how fucked he got the first night of Freshers Week. Did he really drink that much to have a child in one night and with Jinyoung? He just couldn’t understand. They were best friends, always have, always will but that was it. At no point in his entire childhood and teenagerhood did he think of Jinyoung that way. And a child? He didn’t even know what he wanted to do with his life and he already had a child? How did they even afford everything? There were way too many questions in his head at the same time but the only one that got out of his mouth was:

“Are we together?”

For the first time Jinyoung, who had been looking at the floor since he started crying, looked up to look at him. His expression was unreadable, for Jaebum anyway.

“Always have, always will hyung," smiled Jinyoung.

Jaebum couldn’t help but smile back. They’ve been telling each other that for the last 12 years now. From the first day of primary school when they were 6 to when they finally got to University at 18 they have been friends and they ought to be friends always and forever. It sounds cheesy and it is but whilst facing the anxious and confusing years of teenagerhood you just need the reassurance that someone will always be right next to you.

“Yeah but I mean we have a child together…”

“Actually, we have 5…”

Jaebum’s eyes opened so widely Jinyoung thought they will fall off, “Jinyoung-ah we are only 18, why do we have 5 children together? And since when are we even together? What’s going on? Did someone drug me last night or something?”

“I know it’s confusing hyung," started the younger lad, “but things happened between us…”

“No shit Sherlock!” interrupted Jaebum.

“Let me finish," smiled Jinyoung, “the doctors actually told me not to tell you too much but with 5 children it’s gonna be hard so I might tell you now.” He got up from his desk chair to sit next to Jaebum on the bed and hold his hands, “Listen to me carefully hyung, okay?” Jaebum blinked as a yes.

“You’re not 18…you’re actually 29. We got married when we turned 20 and we have 5 children together: Mark, the oldest, Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom that you already met. On your way to Ilsan you got into an accident and when you woke up you couldn’t remember the last 10 years of your life, of our life together…”

Jaebum wanted to say something but someone, another boy, taller than Yugyeom, entered the room running while laughing out loud. “Daddy! Bambam got stuck! He tried to hide from you, but he got stuck in the laundry basket! Yugyeom is trying to help him but Bambam is already crying. That’s so funny but yeah you gotta help him he’s really stuck.”

Jinyoung just sighed, got up from the bed and exited the room turning right, direction the bathroom, with the boy following him. Jaebum got up as well because even though he was still dumbfounded, he was curious. Was what Jinyoung telling him actually true? If he really did have 5 children there’s one of them stuck in a laundry basket and he cannot help but be worried for the boy.

When he arrived in the bathroom Jinyoung was already on the floor with two crying boys on his lap. One of them was Yugyeom, he could recognise him, but the other one was skinner and smaller than him.

“Yugyeom shhh it’s okay Bambam is safe now," said Jinyoung while caressing the two boys’ head.

“But…I thought he was hurt because he..was cry..crying and I don’t like it when..Bam…Bambam cries," tried to explain Yugyeom while crying at the same time.

“Come here baby,” Jinyoung hugged him tighter, “I’m glad to see that you care about your brother this much. Look at me,” Yugyeom looked up with his nose running, “I’m proud of you for caring so much Gyeomie. But look, Bamie is safe now so we can all smile now, right?” the boy nodded with his nose still running but with no more tears in his eyes.

“Sorry Daddy you know how wild Bambam can be. I tried to explain to him the situation but he just didn’t want to listen to me and Mark hyung even tried to throw a laptop at him…outch!” said a boy who was next to Jaebum. He didn’t even realise someone was next to him, too immersed in Jinyoung taking care of the two boys…of his two boys…

“Mark don’t hit your brother, will you," exclaimed Jinyoung now looking in Jaebum’s direction, “I know you, young man, I already knew you’d be trying to throw things at your brother that’s why I told Seunie to look over him!”

Jinyoung got up, with still Yugyeom and Bambam in his arms, one on each hip, “We’re all tired, I know but when grandma will come back we’ll all have dinner and have a good night sleep, yeah? But for now on I just need to have a little conversation with your Dad.”

“Can I stay with you?” asked Bambam thumb in his mouth.

“Right now no baby but you can sleep with Daddy tonight yeah? I’ll sing you the pretty song Dad always sings to you, okay?” The young boy smiled after hearing the proposition. Jinyoung quietly got out of the room to go somewhere else, maybe the living room, Jaebum left alone in the bathroom.

He didn’t understand what was happening but he felt somehow warm inside, he felt happy. Seeing this…his family like this warmed his heart. Someone tapped on his shoulder and got him out of his trance. “I’m Mark. Daddy said you don’t remember us but it’s okay we’ll help you find us in your memories because I know somewhere we’re still here.” Mark smiled big at him and he didn't know if it was because his smile was beautiful, because he was his dad or maybe even because he needed this but he grabbed him and hugged him tight.

“That’s true that I don’t remember much but deep down somehow I feel warm so it means that I still love you guys no matter what. Don’t ever forget that.”

He was right, just because he couldn’t remember any of them didn’t mean that he had to hurt them by not loving them enough. There was still a big question mark on how Jinyoung and Jaebum ended up together but what’s certain is that these boys are in his actual life and he should protect them and love them.

After a couple of hours, Jaebum’s mom arrived. He felt happiness when he saw Jinyoung and the boys but when he saw his mom he was ecstatic. His mom and his love for his mom were the only things he will forever be sure of. But a few minutes after they all started their dinner his dad arrived and he didn't know why but the air got tensed. Jinyoung sat a little straighter, the boys didn’t laugh as loud but he could see that his mom was still trying to lift the mood up.

Since they only had 2 rooms in their house since Jaebum was an only child they had no choice but to sleep in the living room on multiples covers. Jaebum could remember some of them; the Lion King one he slept with for over 1 month and the Simpsons one because he always had an obsession with Bart Simpson. After the dishes done and their teeth brushed they all gathered to watch a movie.

Jaebum, over dinner, memorised all the basic information of the 5 boys. Mark is the oldest and he’s 15. He just started High School and he loves basketball because it was the only sport that could get him out of his room instead of playing games all day. He’s pretty quiet but can be so loud sometimes but most importantly he still can manage his brothers. Jackson, the one who was next to him in the bathroom, is shockingly the loudest one. In the bathroom, he seemed quite serious so when he started talking and joking over dinner he understood how loud he was. But still, he was always clinging onto Jinyoung as if he needed extra attention and affection. Oh and he almost forgot, Jackson is 14. Youngjae is not as loud as Jackson but his laugh sure is. He’s 9 but so bright, just like the sun. He’s got quite a temper though, when he doesn’t like something (his vegetables for example) he would be loud and clear about it. He also heard him sing while he was brushing his teeth and that boy got an angelic voice. Bambam is 5 but so loud (Jaebum thinks he might be passing too much time with Jackson) but at the same time so caring, always clinging onto Jinyoung despite always saying how big he is now and he doesn’t need Jinyoung’s kisses and hugs. And lastly Yugyeom, the youngest one, is so bright but maybe he’s a little bit spoiled because he treats his hyungs like he wants. It wasn't not much, Jaebum knew, and it could never make up for the last 11 years he forgot but that was a start.

Yugyeom was the one to choose the film “The Princess and The Frog”. Bambam started whining because he didn’t want to watch a baby’s movie but he started singing along as soon as the first song started playing. Jaebum just kept observing because he didn’t really know how to interact with them yet and he also didn’t want to say something wrong. He doesn’t know them but he feels kind of responsible for them in a way he can’t explain.

His parents went to sleep pretty early because they still had to work tomorrow so it was just Jinyoung, the boys and him in front of Netflix in the living room. Everyone slowly started drifting away. Yugyeom and Youngjae started crawling over Jaebum to put their heads on his thighs. Bambam stayed in Jinyoung’s arms for the whole duration of the movie, still pretty clingy because of what happened in the bathroom earlier and Mark and Jackson stayed together.

Feeling that his eyes couldn’t fight the sleep anymore Bambam opened his mouth to say, “Daddy, the song…”

And slowly and quietly, as if he only wanted Bambam to hear him, Jinyoung started singing, “Every day, every night, what would life be without you?”

He kept singing and singing until Bambam finally gave up and fell asleep completely.

“I know that song," Jaebum whispered, not to wake up the sleeping boys on his laps.

“It’s normal hyung, you wrote it for us…," replied Jinyoung.

“I think we need to talk.”

“We need to talk," repeated Jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. It was quite simple as a first chapter but don't worry it'll get more complicated in the next ones. By the way, the song Jinyoung sang is Got7's Everyday.


	3. Chapter 3

They decided to go in Jaebum’s room not to wake up the boys but so that at the same time they could still keep an eye on them. That atmosphere between them wasn’t awkward per se but definitely weirder than Jaebum is used to, was used to.

“The song is called Everyday," started Jinyoung, “You wrote it for us because you’re a cheesy dad who loves his children so much and couldn’t find a way to express it better but in a song.”

“So, am I like a singer or something? I don’t remember having that dream though,” Jaebum laughed, it was easier to laugh than to worry about the unknown.

“No, you’re a photographer, an incredible one.”

Jaebum smiled because he always loved photography, that’s true but he never thought he would actually become one. He clearly remembers being accepted to study Economics and Finance at University.

After this, Jinyoung started narrating his life. He was quite a famous photographer actually, doing shots for Grazia, Dior and Vogue. They lived in Seoul in a 5-bedroom house with a big front and backyard just for the boys. The walls were covered by Jaebum’s and Jinyoung’s shots of everything and anything but mostly of their boys. Jinyoung joked that the living room was 25% furniture and 75% books because of that huge bookshelf they built together hungover on a Sunday morning. They’ve been living there since Jaebum’s career took off, saying he wanted to provide for his family. Jinyoung is an author, selling best sellers after best sellers. His last one, he explained, called Thank You, is about how grateful we should be in our everyday lives. That doesn’t surprise Jaebum much, Jinyoung has always been the wiser one between them. He quickly understood that the both of them, over the years, became closer thanks to their hobbies. They both loved photography, books and music. Jinyoung was only doing photography because he wanted to be closer to Jaebum at first, but he slowly grew a real interest in it. Jaebum, on the other hand, always loved books, he was actually the one to introduce Jinyoung to the magic and fantasy of reading when they were 12 but he used his words to write songs and not books apparently. And music what a beautiful thing. Jaebum only had memory of b-boying and now he could write and produce his own songs? Jinyoung was more on the vocal side than the producing one so now Jaebum totally understood how Youngjae could have such a beautiful and stable voice at such a young age.

But it’s in his narration that Jaebum took the time for the first time since he woke up earlier today to observe Jinyoung properly. The subtle was very apparent now, since it was late but he could see that he’s clearly not 18 anymore; the wrinkles by his eyes deeper. Many things happened in his, in their lives in the last 10 years, how could it be possible? Remembering going to uni to study Economics and Finance while Jinyoung would be doing Journalism. How can people’ lives take a 180 turn this drastic? He didn’t and couldn't understand.

“You’re staring hyung,” smiled Jinyoung. He never actually saw that smile before, as if it was one reserved for Jaebum only, the new Im Jaebum, the one he couldn’t remember.

“Jinyoung-ie there’s just one thing I still don’t understand. How did we even get together?”

Jinyoung’s smile faded. He lifted his head to look into Jaebum’s eyes and said:

“I should be the one asking, you were the one to confess to me hyung.”

Jaebum couldn’t reply. He couldn’t think of how he would end up confessing to Jinyoung. Yes, he did love him but he wasn’t in love with him.

“It was the summer after our first year at uni. You didn’t want to go home and we were broke students so we couldn’t really go far. We ended up in Busan saying that if it were this hot, might as well go to the beach for a few days.”

“On a summer night with maybe one beer too many you looked into my eyes and said, ‘You’re so beautiful I could die’ so I just laughed in your face because that’s what we used to do. You had other plans though. You took my hands and placed them on your cheeks as if you were the one who needed to focus on your words and not me and you said it again ‘You’re so beautiful Park Jinyoung. I can’t even imagine how life would be like without you.’ And it was our first kiss that night, it tasted like cheap beer and beef ramen but it was us…” explained Jinyoung.

Jaebum looked at him the entire time, seeing small smiles creeping their way at the corner of his mouth. And he was right that night, Jinyoung’s got handsome features, he would always tell him that. That’s also true that he couldn’t imagine a life without his best friend, but a kiss? No way.

“Jinyoung…I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t worry Jaebumie, I mean hyung, it’s your first day, I understand.”

“I really want to remember I swear because I ought it to you but…” before he could even finish his sentence Bambam entered the room, with his thumb in his mouth and sleepy eyes.

“Daddy you said you would sleep with me tonight but you were not next to him, I was scared," explained Bambam with a small voice. He walked over to Jinyoung, who embraced him and put him on his lap.

“I know Bam-ah, I’m sorry I was just talking to your Dad. Do you wanna go to sleep now?” Bambam nodded but Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, “I think I should go. You should try to sleep too. We’ll continue tomorrow. Bam-ah say goodnight to Dad.” Bambam quickly got off Jinyoung’s lap to go hug Jaebum.

“Good night Dad. Dream about me, okay?”

Jaebum couldn’t help but laugh and without even thinking he said, “You’re always gonna be in my dreams Bambam-ah," and kissed him on his forehead. Satisfied with his Dad’s affection, Bambam returned to Jinyoung who was waiting for him in the doorway, “Good night Jaebum hyung.”

“Good night Jinyoung-ah.”

That night, Jaebum laid in bed thinking how he got into that mess. How could he forget 10 years of his life? And according to what he saw and heard tonight he has found a purpose and happiness, so why was God or Fate or whatever trying to make him forget all that? He still had so many unanswered questions about his old life, his new life, the boys and especially Jinyoung. You can’t know someone for 23 years and not remember how you fell in love with them.

That night, Jaebum made the promise to fight back God, Fate or whatever who was acting against his life to make sure to get his memory back. He ought it to himself, he ought it to them.

The next morning, he woke up because of a loud bang, making him jump out of his bed. He took a few seconds to think of where he was and what was the time. The electronic clock next to his bed said 09:36. It was probably Jinyoung or the boys at this hour since his parents always left early for work. He went to the bathroom to freshen up a little bit and to take off the last trace of sleep in his eyes and quickly made his way to the living room. What he didn’t expect to see was 5 boys in front of him covered in flour with most of the said flour on the floor.

“Bambam did it!” exclaimed Youngjae, suddenly aware that he could get in trouble.

“Youngjae-hyung don’t accuse Bambam like this! That’s mean," replied Yugyeom with the intention to look scary but with flour all over his face he didn’t look quite convincing.

“That’s true!” started Bambam, “Don’t accuse me!”

“Boys let’s all calm down first, shall we? Where’s Jinyoung?” asked Jaebum.

“He went to the convenience store at the end of the road to buy some ingredients for the pancakes,” explained Mark.

“And Bambam hit the bowl full of flour and now it’s everywhere!” continued Youngjae.

“I said it wasn’t him!” screamed Yugyeom.

“Well, then it’s both of you!”

“Dad, Youngjae hyung is being a meanie,” Bambam said holding Jaebum’s sweatpants with his little hands.

Jaebum was taken aback by what was happening. Was this a normal situation in his everyday life now? Should he scream? Should he take side? Before he had the chance to say something the front door opened on Jinyoung with a bag in his hand.

“What the freak is going on here?”

“Bambam did it,” continued Youngjae.

“I told you not to accuse him!” screamed Yugyeom as if he didn’t see his father glaring at him.

“Im Yugyeom watch your mouth young boy!” exclaimed Jinyoung, “I don’t care who did what, you’re gonna clean that up in 5 minutes, did you all hear me?”

Jinyoung did look menacing but in a good way. Jaebum was quite impressed since everyone shut up and started cleaning the flour on the floor, on the counters, and most importantly, on themselves.

“Hyung I’m sorry for the mess. I’ll make sure they've cleaned everything, don’t worry," Jinyoung told Jaebum, posing his convenience store bag on the table.

“It’s fine. They just wanted to help I guess.”

“I know, it’s just that they have to understand how to make up for their mistakes.”

Was Jinyoung always this good at parenting? Was Jinyoung the cool dad? Maybe Jaebum was the lame dad. No, there’s no way he would be the lame dad.

After everything got cleaned they started making the pancakes together. There were three different bowls: a normal batter, a chocolate one, and a banana one. Jackson wanted to have a cheesy one but nobody was on his side so Jinyoung made sure to tell him he’ll buy him some cheesy sticks later on today. Mark and Jaebum were the ones in charge of cooking them. Mark burned a few but after Jaebum showed him the proper way to flip it smoothly and in time, his pancakes started looking gorgeous.

“Daddy,” said Youngjae with a teary voice, “I miss Coco. When are we going back home? I’m sure she misses us too, right Daddy?”

Coco? Did they have another cat? Jaebum always loved cats. Speaking of cats, where is Nora?

“Jinyoung-ah!” Jaebum said suddenly, even Youngjae who had teary eyes was taken aback, “Where is Nora?!”

With everything that happened, finding out he lost 10 years worth of memory, the boys, Jinyoung, he didn’t even think of his lovely daughter, Nora.

“Hyung…I don’t think you’re gonna like what I’m gonna say.”

“Don’t tell me we got rid of her because I know damn well I’ll never do that. You’ll never do that as well, she loved you too, at least that’s what I think.”

“No hyung it’s not that, she was…she was an old cat you know…”

And then it hit him. His precious daughter was…gone and now he couldn’t even remember the last memories he had of and with her.

“I’m sorry hyung, I know how much you loved her.”

“We got Coco after her death and you love her, Dad,” Mark said, abandoning his pancakes for a few seconds to hold his Dad’s hands, “and she loves you too.”

Jaebum held Mark’s hands tight because he knew he genuinely wanted to cheer him up a little bit.

That’s when Jaebum understood how sad it was to have lost his memory. Not because he couldn't function normally in the present but because he can’t relive the happy moments he had. Was Nora a grumpy old cat? Probably she was so spoiled. How were the boys’ birthdays? Did he have many friends? Did they travel a lot? Did they fight a lot?  And most importantly, were they happy? To these questions, he knew he could have some answers from Jinyoung and the boys but the emotions he felt, the goosebumps he had, he knew he'll never be able to take it back. Was it fair, what was happening to him? Absolutely not. Did he deserve it? He didn’t know.

He just doesn’t know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The homophobia is strong in this chapter and also this is Jinyoung's POV because we needed to understand what happened before Jaebum's accident. Don't hate me for what I did to Jackson and also I'm an emotional bean so I cried writing this. Enjoy :)

_The night before_

Jinyoung quietly placed Bambam next to Yugyeom before lying next to him. Just when he was ready to close his eyes he felt a body, heavier than Bambam’s, on his right arm: it was Jackson.

“You’re not sleeping buddy?” asked Jinyoung.

“Is it my fault Daddy? That he cannot remember us?”

“Jackson what made you think th…,” Jinyoung stopped because he knew exactly why Jackson was thinking like this, so instead, he replied, “It’s not sweetie, I promise. Promise me not to blame yourself, okay?” Jackson nodded, “Everything’s gonna be alright, he’s gonna remember us sooner than later.”

“Then why did he go to Ilsan? He tried to run away from me, Daddy.” Now Jackson was clearly crying and Jinyoung did the only thing he could do: he hugged him and let Jackson cry. After a few minutes, Jinyoung decided it was better to just go take a walk outside. He knew this neighbourhood like the back of his hand, he knew he won’t put his boy in danger.

They put on their coats, since Fall was slowly becoming colder than warm, and shoes and went outside. They started walking towards the park where Jaebum and he would pass all of their afternoons together when they were still in middle school and sat down in front of the tourniquets. He was still holding tight onto Jackson because they both needed this and he didn’t want to let go of his boy. A few minutes passed and Jinyoung decided to start talking again:

“Jackson, you need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with you, okay? Your Dad and I love you so much just the way you are. You know that, right?” Jackson nodded, “Your Dad didn’t go to Ilsan to run away from you, he did it for you. You know how he'd always say he would always protect us, that’s what he was trying to do. And because God knows he loves us and that we love him too, he’ll bring him back to us.”

“I miss him Daddy. He’s so not Dad now. He didn’t tease us today or made bad jokes it was weird,” laughed Jackson.

“I miss him too love but because we love him we need to be patient so that he’ll remember us. And I think it was my first time hearing you laugh today buddy,” smiled Jinyoung, “My happy little virus,” Jinyoung said it while putting a big loud kiss on Jackson’s forehead. Jackson tried to fight back but he just ended up laughing out loud and hugging his Daddy even tighter.

“Thank you…I love you Daddy.”

“I love you too Jackson," another kiss on the forehead but lighter this time, “We should head back before Bambam wakes up and realises again I’m not next to him.”

This night, with Bambam on his left side and Jackson on his right side, Jinyoung laid back, eyes wide open thinking of everything that happened today. He didn’t know what he was doing in the house of the man that despised him so much. Everything was fine between Jinyoung and Jaebum’s parents until the day they got home from their trip to Busan to explain that they started dating. He didn’t expect such a heated reaction from his Dad. Calling them names he didn’t even know existed. That day the two young men swore to never go back to this house and that was 11 years ago. But here he is now, back again because the same thing happened but not to him but to Jackson this time, his own son.

He doesn’t know how Jaebum’s Dad found out about this, about his boy starting to question his own sexuality but it happened and Jaebum saw red. He didn’t speak to his Dad for the past 10 years because of what he said to Jinyoung that night, so clearly, he would not let this pass; his Dad saying the same horrible things to his own 14 years old son.

It was a Thursday night, the boys were already in bed or at least in their room and Jinyoung was reading on his bed, trying to find some inspiration for his new book, when Jaebum stormed into the room with a face heated with rage. That’s when Jinyoung saw his phone in Jaebum’s hands.

“What the fuck is that Jinyoung?” he said through his teeth, trying not to scream because he didn’t want to wake up the boys and he didn’t want to make a scene but that was just beyond him, “Why is my Dad sending you these kinds of messages Jinyoung!?”

Jinyoung has been dealing with this for a few months now but he didn’t want to worry Jaebum because he knew they both wanted nothing to do with that man so he just ignored it, deleting the messages every night. But this night Jinyoung forgot, too immerged in the book he was reading and now Jaebum found out and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Answer me Jinyoung!” his voice louder this time.

“Hyung…”

“At what point did you think it was okay keeping that from me!?”

“I just didn’t want you to worry about that. We’ve been avoiding him for the last 10 years, we can just continue to do so.”

“So, you’re telling me you’re fine with him calling our own fucking son ‘aid monkey’!” This time it was not a question and Jinyoung knew it too damn well.

“I’m not fine with it Jaebumie. I just say we should ignore him like we’ve been doing so far.”

“Does Jackson know about this as well?!”

“…”

“Jinyoung-ah! Does Jackson fucking know about this as well?!” his voice close to a shout this time. Now the boys are probably awake, he was sure.

“Gosh you’re making me sick!” said Jaebum storming out of their bedroom, direction the stairs. Jinyoung quickly followed because he knew Jaebum would never hit his children but when he was this angry his words didn’t follow his brain. Mark’s and Jackson’s room was open with the lights on.

“Jackson baby, is your grandpa being mean to you?”

Jackson didn’t answer, his eyes fixed on the floor. Mark was on his own bed, not talking and not looking at anything. He understood it was something between his Dad and Jackson and that he better not interfere.

“Jackson baby, answer me. Is your grandpa being mean to you?” this time his voice was angrier but he still didn’t shout. But when he saw the first tear rolling down Jackson’s cheek he knew he didn’t need an answer. “Our fucking son is aware of it and you thought it was okay not to tell me! He is only 14 years old for fuck's sake Jinyoung-ah!” Jaebum said looking at Jinyoung who was behind him.

“Jaebu…”

“No don’t say anything! I’m gonna fix it once and for all!” Jaebum exited the room, leaving Jackson crying and Mark trying to comfort him. “I’m fucking gonna fix it! How dare he come into my life, say some fucking horrible things to my family and think he’ll get away with it.” He was talking to himself but his voice was so loud that the whole house could hear him.

And that’s the last moment Jinyoung has of the new Im Jaebum. Before he had the chance to catch him he had already taken his car keys and left the house while slamming the door behind him. Jinyoung tried calling him but he soon realised Jaebum's phone was in the living room charging.

Everyone gathered in the living room after this. They were sad and confused. Jaebum had never been this angry before his children; he had no reason to. Sure, he got angry sometimes but it was normal, anger is a basic human emotion, but never to this extent.

Yugyeom ending up sleeping on his lap and Bambam in his arms. They were starting to get bigger and bigger but tonight he didn’t mind, his children were scared and he’d do anything to make their fears go away.

After 2 hours, Jinyoung started to get anxious because Ilsan was only 30 minutes away by car and still no call. Before he had the time to really get nervous to the point he wouldn’t be able to stay still, his phone started ringing. He didn’t look at the ID thinking automatically it was Jaebum calling him from his mom’s phone or something, it was not. It was his mom herself.

“Jinyoung sweetheart I know it’s late but you need to come…something happened…Jaebum…,” she couldn’t finish her sentence as she started crying on the phone.

He didn’t want to think of the worse but that’s what his brain did anyway…was Jaebum...dead? Without realising he started crying falling on the floor, his knees hitting the wooden floor first.

“Daddy what’s happening?” panicked Mark, “Is something wrong?”

Jinyoung didn’t answer, he put his attention back on what Jaebum’s mom was telling him, “He got into an accident Jinyoung-ah. The paramedic girl recognised him, since they went to the same school, before they could identify him so she called me. They’ll probably call you soon but I had to call you first Jinyoung.” She was still sobbing but somehow Jinyoung was relieved: Jaebum wasn’t dead.

They hung up with Jinyoung telling her he’d be there shortly. And this is how at 1am on a Friday morning in the cold winds of October, Jinyoung and the boys drove to Ilsan only to find out 1 hour later that Jaebum was amnesiac.

“What is amnesiac Daddy?” asked Yugyeom.

“It’s when you don’t remember things baby," answered Jinyoung.

“He doesn’t remember us?” it was Youngjae this time.

“I’m not sure baby, the doctors are still doing some medical exams on him.”

They were confused and also tired since they had school the day before. Jinyoung made a quick mental note to call their schools later to tell them they couldn’t go today.

A few minutes later Jaebum’s mom arrived, tear stains still visible on her face. She hugged every one of them telling them how much they’ve grown since the last time she saw them. Youngjae loved his grandma so he automatically started clingy onto her. Jackson on the other end was still quiet because of what happened tonight. He didn’t know what to say or do, he just knew his dad was angry because of him.

At 3am everyone was asleep except for Jinyoung, Jackson and Jaebum’s mom, still waiting for the results to come out. The moment Jinyoung got up to go buy a coffee, Jackson still attached to his left arm, a doctor marched towards them, “Im Jaebum’s family?”

“Yes, I’m his husband," replied Jinyoung.

“And I his mom.”

“Good. First the good news. His body is okay, he doesn’t have any broken bones or didn't have any haemorrhages.” They both sighed with relief but still waiting for the bad news, “On the other hand his brain…he thinks he’s 18 years old and that he’s in the hospital because he drank too much on the first night of Freshers Week.”

“You’re telling me he forgot the last 10 years of his life?”

“I know it’s quite a shock but it’s gonna be even more shocking for him," said the doctor looking at the boys sleeping behind them, “Just try to be patient, okay?”

“Can he at least go home?” asked Jaebum’s mom.

“We’re keeping him for the night so you should go home and sleep. You’ll be able to come back at 8am to take him.”

They both thanked the doctor and went back to sit down.

“He should stay at Ilsan for a few days. He doesn’t remember living in Seoul Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung knew he should not shock Jaebum too much too quickly so maybe it was a good idea but at the same time he hadn’t been in this house for the last 10 years and before his accident, Jaebum was furious against his dad. When he will recover, will he be mad at Jinyoung for letting him stay at that man’s house? Just for the weekend, he said, they will stay just for the weekend and on Sunday they’ll head back to Seoul, he promised himself.

The boys were sleeping heavily so he couldn’t wake them up and without any hesitation, Jaebum’s mom decided to take them just for the night, just for the time Jinyoung goes back to Seoul to bring some clothes and their toothbrushes.

With a heavy heart, he let the woman take Mark, Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom to their house while Jackson and he went back to Seoul.

The ride back was quiet since Jackson finally fell asleep and Jinyoung didn’t want to wake him up. He’s only 14 and he has been through so much in just one night. He let Jackson sleep in the car while he was packing, a heavy heart still on his chest. It was one thing that Jaebum couldn’t remember that his dad was a dick but it was another for Jackson, he still remembers everything so clearly. Was he making the right decision? Will Jaebum forgive him? Will he ever remember everything that happened between them?

It was almost 5am when they came back to Ilsan. Despite everything that happened, he still remembers the road to Jaebum’s house like the palm of his hand. Jackson was still asleep and despite his big body Jinyoung decided to carry him and to put him in Jaebum’s room. The front door was left open, maybe for Jinyoung, but after he tucked Jackson into Jaebum’s bed next to Bambam and Yugyeom he was faced with Jaebum’s dad. He did age a lot, so maybe that’s true when they say being mean makes you ugly.

“You know what? I hope he won’t remember anything. Maybe it was God’s gift for him to finally be normal. And maybe your faggot son will realise there’s nothing normal with what he is either.”

Gosh, Jinyoung forgot how much he hated the man. He would have spat on his face but he didn’t want to lower himself to his level of pettiness.

“Just know I’m only accepting you in my house just for that reason, that he’ll never remember anything to do with you.”

“Sorry to break it up to you old man but I’ve been friends with your son since he was 6 so like it or not but he will remember me and everything he felt for me and our children.” With that Jinyoung quietly closed Jaebum’s door in his face.

A few hours later Jaebum’s mom brought him back home but he kept saying how tired he was so he ended up sleeping for the whole day.

He woke up Saturday afternoon. Jinyoung heard him call for his mom so he asked Jackson to look over Bambam since the child was being overly active that day and went to Jaebum’s room.

He thought he could do it, he really thought so but Jaebum was so clueless it broke his heart. He knew it was his fault. He should’ve told Jaebum about his dad sending him messages so that they would’ve handled it together and Jaebum wouldn’t have driven angry that night. He knew it was all his fault.

He spent the rest of the day observing him to see if he could remember anything and yes he did remember things. How to be Jinyoung’s best friend. How to be his mom’s son. And most shockingly how to take care and love his children despite not knowing them at all. But he did not remember one thing: how to love Jinyoung.

So now that he's lying on a Lion King cover with Bambam drooling over his shirt, he can’t help but be sad that Jaebum only forgot how he fell in love with him.

_Present_

Jinyoung watched the colours of Jaebum’s face slowly fade away. Maybe finding out that Nora was no longer alive was the ultimate shock for him.

“Sit down boys," said Jinyoung towards Mark and Jaebum, “I’ll continue the pancakes. Youngjae, can you set the table please?” Jaebum was still on his train of thought so he didn’t hear what Jinyoung has just said so he took his arm and pulled him towards the chair, “Sit down hyung. I’ll continue the pancakes.”

Jaebum had the same look on his face when Yugyeom used to be confused by how Jinyoung could take his nose but he still managed to murmur a quiet “Thank you.”

After their late breakfast and the dishes done that’s when Jaebum’s mom came back from work. They were farmers so even on Sundays they still had some things to do but they didn’t mind, they loved their job. While she was busy alone in the kitchen making tea, Jinyoung thought it was the appropriate time to talk to her:

“Today’s Sunday…”

“Jinyoung-ah, it’s the first time in 10 years that he has been home…”

“You know I can’t stay any longer. It’s not fair to me, my boys and especially Jaebum and you know it. You know why we were always asking you to visit us instead of us visiting you. I have nothing against you but it was our decision to protect ourselves and our family in that way," Jinyoung said with determination while holding his tears. He was lost in a sea of confusion and he knew that the only thing that prevented him from drowning was putting as much distance as he could between his family and that man.

“I’ll try to talk to him, to make him understand…," Jinyoung knew she was talking about her husband but can a man who hate his son, and his decision to love somebody with his whole heart, will really be able to change? It’s possible but he doesn’t want to take any more risks concerning his family. He already lost Jaebum, and Jackson was sadder than he has ever seen. He just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

“I didn’t want to tell you…but do you even know what was your husband doing to my family for the last few months?” She stayed quiet so Jinyoung took it as a sign she didn’t know. He sighed and continued:

“10 years ago, the day we came back to tell you that we just started dating, after he called us out for being gay we both swore to never return to this house again. I was hurt but you know your son, he doesn’t want to let others see his weaknesses so the pain he felt, he turned it into anger, an anger towards his dad. But with the years, and with every single one of our children added, he became less and less angry because he had us and he knew he finally found happiness.”

“A few months back, Jackson came to find us to ask us how we found out we loved each other. It was a simple innocent question, quite cute actually, but he kept digging and digging and that’s when we understood he was trying to find out if he was attracted to boys or not. We simply told him not to be scared or ashamed of the way he feels and that we still love him no matter what because that’s what parents are supposed to do; they’re supposed to support their children. But a few weeks later, I started receiving some weird messages on my phone saying ‘You turned my son gay and now your own son. You should be ashamed!’ And it kept going and going for weeks but I just didn’t care because I could just ignore him, that’s what we’ve been doing for years after all. One day that I was in the shower, Jackson used my phone to do God knows what and that’s when he saw the new message ‘Your son will burn in Hell for liking boys faggot!’ Despite what one can think, Jackson isn’t stupid, he understood it was talking about him. That day, that Jaebum was out in the mountains to take some shots, I cuddled my crying son for an entire day because, excuse my language, your husband is a homophobic asshole.”

“But on Thursday Jaebum found out everything, the messages and also Jackson knowing about it. This is why he was driving to Ilsan, because he couldn’t contain all the rage he had in him towards his father. All the anger that was sleeping for 10 years came back full force when he found out that his dad hurt his own son. Yes I’m at fault for what happened and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life but your husband is also the one at fault so I’m sorry if I say I can’t stay in that house knowing the cause of all our sorrows lives here," Jinyoung ended up crying, he tried to hold it back since Jaebum woke up on Saturday but he couldn’t anymore, “He even told me he wishes Jaebum to never remember me and our children, that it was finally God’s gift turning him normal again.”

“Jinyoung-ah I didn’t know…”

“I endured so much," Jinyoung wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands still crying, “because Jaebum loves you, he was able to look over the hatred he had for his dad to still love you but why…why did you never say or do anything?” He kept crying, louder this time, sobs looking like spams. Jaebum’s mom went to hug him because that’s all she could do, “I hate him so much. Why didn’t you do something? Anything?”

She didn’t answer, she just kept on holding Jinyoung tighter and tighter. Oh how much he wished his mom was the one hugging him right now. “We need to stay away from him, I hope you understand.” As a yes she just held him tighter as if it were even possible.

She let go and Jinyoung wiped his cheeks with some tissues that were on the counter. He feels so exhausted now. The last four days have been so intense he just needed a break.

He started walking towards the living room when he faced Jaebum at the entrance of the kitchen. He looked at Jinyoung with such pity and sadness in his eyes, Jinyoung couldn’t help but look down. He suddenly felt Jaebum’s arms around him. He missed it, the smell of the new Im Jaebum still on the clothes he packed from home.

“I’m gonna fix it Jinyoung-ah. I’m gonna fix it for you, for the boys, for us. I promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back on Jaebum's POV! The first part of the chapter is about what happened at the end of chapter 4 with Jinyoung and Jaebum's mom and what Jaebum thinks about it so I'm sorry but the homophobia is still strong in this one. It might be the last time I include Jaebum's dad so don't worry. And also family fluff because I love JJParents The chapter is long but I really wanted to finish that part so in the next chapter they're gonna be back in Seoul. Enjoy :)

He was thirsty.

Jaebum was in his room with the boys. Youngjae was singing him a song Jaebum wrote, apparently, called Teenager. Mark winked at him when he told him it was one of his favourites because he wrote it for Jinyoung. But when he suddenly heard the random English part, “I can do anything if you tell me good boy”, coming out of Youngjae’s mouth he totally understood what Mark meant. His son (he still had a hard time saying it) was dirty minded. The Jaebum he thinks he is right now is so proud and a little amused but will the other Jaebum, the new him, be proud as well? He’s sure he would be, he can’t be that old fashion after all; he’s got some piercings just like Mark and Jackson. Speaking of Jackson, he didn’t talk much to Jaebum, he would only be his loud self when Jinyoung was around. Was the new Jaebum not close to Jackson? He wanted to talk to him but whenever he would start, he would see tears forming in Jackson’s eyes. Jaebum made a mental note to ask Jinyoung what was wrong because he felt uneasy just thinking that he would make his son cry. On the other hand, Yugyeom was always next to him. The youngest boy was currently on Jaebum’s lap dancing to Youngjae’s singing. Bambam was dancing as well but he was next to Youngjae matching the beat quite well actually.

Now that he had stopped observing his boys, he remembered that he was thirsty so he put Yugyeom on his bed and he got up to walk towards the kitchen but he stopped when he heard Jinyoung’s and his mom’s voice.

“Jinyoung-ah, it’s the first time in 10 years he has been home…” he heard his mom say. Was she talking about him? Did he really not go home for that period of time? Why? He loved his mom so much, he was sure he couldn’t live without seeing her.

“It was our decision to protect ourselves and our family in that way,” this time it was Jinyoung talking. Protecting our family? Against what? Against whom? When he woke up yesterday he was confused but it was nothing compared to the confusion he was experiencing right now. Were they running from something? Someone? From the police? Oh god, did Jinyoung lie and were they actually a modern Bonnie and Clyde but with children?

Before his thoughts could go even further, Jinyoung’s voice brought him back when he started talking about their trip to Busan, “the day we came back to tell you that we started dating, he called us out for being gay,” wait, what? Who was “he”? He still couldn’t see Jinyoung as a potential boyfriend or even a husband but to know that someone was against their relationship made him uneasy.

“You know your son,” Jinyoung continued, “he doesn’t want to let others see his weaknesses so the pain he felt, he turned it into anger, an anger towards his dad.” Was the ‘he’ actually his dad? Jaebum’s uneasiness grew bigger and bigger as if his guts were trying to tell him that yes it was his dad. Jaebum remembers clearly how the air was tensed during dinner last night but he only thought that it was just his father’s aura and not because he has been a homophobic prick to his own family.

“But with the years, and with every single one of our children added, he became less and less angry because he had us and he knew he finally found happiness.” That made him smile. So far, he had a total of 24 hours worth of memory with the boys (he didn’t include the hours of sleep) but he could already tell that they made him quieter, more serene, more himself. Hugging Mark in the bathroom, helping him with the pancakes, kissing Bambam good night or even having Youngjae and Yugyeom sleep on his lap felt so natural to him. Maybe Jinyoung was right. Maybe he really did find happiness with his boys. That’s why he just couldn’t understand why Fate was acting up against him; he didn’t deserve it.

Jinyoung, after a quick pause, started talking about Jackson. Could he finally get the answer to why Jackson was acting like this with him? “We understood he was trying to find out if he was attracted to boys or not. We simply told him not to be scared or ashamed of the way he feels and that we still love him no matter what, because that’s what parents are supposed to do; they’re supposed to support their children.” Even though he doesn’t remember the time Jinyoung and him were a “Us”, he suddenly felt so proud to have chosen Jinyoung to have children with. His voice, his tone, we could really feel the love he had for the boys with the words he used. How he could be gentle and caring with them, like the episode in the bathroom with Bambam and Yugyeom or even how he could be fierce but in a good way with what happened with the flour this morning. With or without his memories, Jaebum was, at least, sure that Jinyoung was an amazing, caring and loving dad.

His pride was cut short when he heard him talk about what his father did to him: receiving messages like ‘You turned my son gay and now your own son. You should be ashamed!’ must have been so hard for Jinyoung. Jaebum never thought his dad would have reacted that way. Memories of Jinyoung and his dad watching some baseball game on a Sunday afternoon were still somewhere in his mind and just because he found out they loved each other he rejected their relationship and more importantly, he rejected his own son. Jaebum always preferred his mom, that's a fact; she was always supporting him; giving him more books to read, letting him hang out with Hakyeon hyung even with the age difference just to dance for hours in the nearby subway. His dad, on the other hand, wasn't exactly like that. He only allowed him to do what he enjoyed if he were bringing good grades home and since Jinyoung has always been class president, he heard him say to his mom once that ‘this Jinyoung guy will have a good influence on him.’

Jaebum regained his focus when he heard Jinyoung say Jackson’s name, “Jackson used my phone and that’s when he saw the new message ‘Your son will burn in Hell for liking boys, faggot!’ That day, that Jaebum was out in the mountains to take some shots, I cuddled my crying son for an entire day because, excuse my language, your husband is a homophobic asshole.” Not only his father, if he could still call him that, was an asshole to Jinyoung but to his son as well. What kind of low life was he? Anger and guilt started forming in his guts, against his father and especially against himself. Jinyoung must’ve had a reason for not telling him, was the new Jaebum couldn’t be trusted?

“But on Thursday Jaebum found out everything. This is why he was driving to Ilsan, because he couldn’t contain all the rage he had in him towards his father. Yes, I’m at fault for what happened and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life but your husband is also the one at fault so I’m sorry if I say I can’t stay in that house knowing the cause of all our sorrows lives here.” For the first time, since he opened his eyes yesterday, he has heard the story behind his accident. Jinyoung started crying and Jaebum wanted to cry as well now. When Jinyoung narrated his life to him the night before, he thought they had a happy life together; they both had successful careers, 5 healthy, smart and good-looking children, a house they paid themselves, there was no way they had this much pain deep inside of them.

“He even told me he wishes Jaebum to never remember me and our children, that it was finally God’s gift turning him normal again.” If he felt sad one minute ago, now anger was taking over him. Instead of actually caring that his son got into an accident, that he could have died, his father preferred thinking it was a gift so that he won’t be gay anymore? Jaebum totally understands why the new Jaebum was this furious against his father; he would have done the same.

“I endured so much.” Even though he would have been angry, Jaebum wishes the new him would've been a little bit more present. Looking at how hard Jinyoung was crying, it must’ve been so hard for him, enduring this all alone. The new Jaebum should’ve seen some signs of his husband’s unhappiness. Or maybe Jinyoung was just a great actor? Who knows? Either way, he still felt guilty to know that he hasn’t been there for Jinyoung. “I hate him so much.” Hatred isn’t the emotion he is currently feeling towards his father but it’s close. Husband or not, the Jinyoung he remembers now is his best friend and anyone making him cry that much should pay the price.

Jaebum’s heard footsteps coming his way. He should move, too afraid to get caught eavesdropping, but his determination to protect his best friend was stronger. A few seconds later he was face to face with Jinyoung, cheeks and eyes still red from the tears, nose still running. He looked so…broken. All the emotions he felt during his mom’s and Jinyoung’s conversation, sadness, guilt, anger, came back in his guts but he thinks Jinyoung could feel it too because he lowered his head, as if he were too ashamed to look at Jaebum. So, he did what he felt was the right thing to do: he hugged him. The promise they made long ago, “Always and Forever”, kept coming back to his mind; Jaebum didn’t know much about adult life, parenthood and even less about being a husband but he knew that he swore to Jinyoung to always be there for him. Maybe the new Jaebum couldn’t have done it but he will definitely do it so he said:

“I’m gonna fix it Jinyoung-ie. I’m gonna fix it for you, for the boys, for us. I promise.”

Jinyoung hugged him back, “Let’s just go home hyung. Please.” Jaebum wanted to say yes, that they should leave immediately but everything happened because of one man and he had to talk to him, at least try, before leaving. With leaving like this, he felt as if he went into an accident for nothing, as if everything was useless; this is why he wanted to stay just a little longer.

“Let me talk to him first, yeah?” asked Jaebum breaking the hug to cup Jinyoung’s face.

“He’s not worth it Jaebum hyung. Let’s just continue to ignore him just like we’ve been doing so far.”

“For him to continue hurting you? No way. Nobody hurts my best friend and gets away with it Jinyoung-ah.”

Jinyoung smiled and hugged him again, tighter this time.

“I want a hug too!” said a voice behind them.

“I thought you said big boys didn’t need hugs?” asked Jinyoung to the voice. Jaebum turned around to see it was Bambam with Jackson next to him.

“Daddy you told me to never lie, why are you lying?” Bambam answered.

“Oh, now I’m a liar?” said Jinyoung with amusement in his voice. He quickly got out of Jaebum’s embrace and chased Bambam, “So I guess I can kiss you and hug you whenever I want now.” Bambam started running and screaming at the same time but Jaebum was certain he was more laughing than screaming.

Jinyoung being smarter and having longer legs, captured Bambam in no time covering him in kisses all over his face, “Daddy stop…I can’…I can’t breathe,” laughed Bambam.

“I want kisses too!” screamed Yugyeom who just entered the living room. He ran to Jinyoung who put him in his arms and squished him.

“Jackson, you can go too if you want,” said Jaebum to the teen. After finding out about everything, he didn’t know what to say to Jackson or how to act around him but he could see how he was dying to get a hug from Jinyoung. And for the first time in 2 days, Jackson smiled at him and quickly ran to Jinyoung jumping on his back to hug him. The poor man couldn’t keep his balance with Jackson on his back, Yugyeom in his arms and Bambam still trying to get out of his embrace laughing so he fell on the couch laughing. Jaebum grinned at the scene; he felt, deep down, that this scene was something quite ordinary in his new life.

“You should go home sweetheart,” exclaimed his mother now next to him, “You should go back to this.”

“I’m not leaving until I talk to him, mom.”

His mom didn’t respond after this so he returned his attention to Jinyoung and his boys. Mark and Youngjae entered the living room a few seconds later.

“You improvised a hug party without us? I see that’s how y’all thanking me after everything I’ve done for you,” whined Mark.

“Come here and shut up,” replied Jackson.

Youngjae ran to them, crushing Bambam, Yugyeom and Jinyoung in the meantime. “Yahh Youngjae-hyung I can’t breathe,” whined Yugyeom but Youngjae was too busy laughing.

“I’m gonna stay with Dad,” started Mark, “He’s the only one not being a traitor in this room. Y’all are snakes.” Mark was now next to him, putting his right arm around Jaebum’s waist. It didn’t feel weird at all, it felt…normal.

“Everyone is me?” exclaimed Bambam.

“No stupid,” laughed Yugyeom, “It means we are fake, like Mark’s new friends.”

“Yah! My friends aren’t snakes! They’re just…” Mark stopped because he couldn’t think of an answer.

“You know I only trust Yoongi and Wonshik, sweetie,” said Jinyoung, who still had some problems breathing because of Bambam’s, Yugyeom’s and now Youngjae’s body on top of him, “Just because you’re in high school now doesn’t mean you need new friends.”

“Yoongi? Wonshik? Do I know them?” asked Jaebum curious. So caught up in everything that happened in only 48 hours and he didn’t even think of his children’s friends.

“We were adopted at the same time so we grew up together,” answered Mark.

“Why at the same time though?”

“Yoongi is Namjoon’s and Seokjin’s but since you met them during our 2nd year at uni, you must not remember them. But Wonshik is Hakyeon’s and Taekwoon’s. You remember them, right?” It was Jinyoung answering him this time after finally managing to get the boys off him.

“Hakyeon? Taekwoon? Our high school seniors?”

“Yup.”

“They have a child together? Since when? And since when are they even together? I only remember Hakyeon hyung having Jaehwan with some girl in High School.” His new life will never stop to amaze him, he thinks.

“They got together after they finished their degree, the summer we also got together. Besides Jaehwan and Wonshik, they adopted 2 more children together; Hongbin who’s Mark’s age and Hyuk who’s Youngjae’s age. Jaehwan is doing fine by the way, they’re all in the same High School since it was easier for the different activities. Same for Elementary School and besides Youngjae really wanted to be in the same school as Jimin and Taehyung.”

“Jimin? Taehyung?”

“As I said you don’t remember Namjoon and Seokjin but during our 2nd year, you started growing an interest in music and that’s how you met Namjoon, through music. Seokjin was actually my senior at uni; they met through us. They never let that fact die whenever they fight with each other, reminding us it’s because of us that they got together. You would always answer that it was Fate and not us who put them together. Jimin and Taehyung are theirs.”

“So we’re all friends or something like that? Up to now?”

“I know right, but yet again you’d say it was because of Fate,” Jinyoung paused for a second, “Now that I think about it you did say the word Fate a lot. ‘Jinyoung-ah it’s thanks to Fate that we’re together.’ ‘It’s Fate that Youngjae’s friend’s dad is another Park Jinyoung.’”

“We know another Park Jinyoung?!”

“He’s my friend’s dad,” exclaimed Youngjae suddenly interested in the conversation, “he’s the director of our school but he’s funny looking, always dancing in his office,” laughed Youngjae.

“Is there something else I should know?” asked Jaebum because he was sure it was just the beginning.

“My best friend is Thai! Just like me! But she’s not a snake though,” Bambam got up to walk towards Jaebum to take his right hand and guide him to the couch where everyone else was, “Her name is Lisa and we dance together a lot. Her mom is Daddy’s best friend.”

Jinyoung’s best friend? It sounded weird. The title was reserved to Jaebum and only Jaebum, not some random woman he never met before. He caught Jinyoung observing him. Can he read his mind or something? He’s looking at him as if he knew what he was thinking.

“Her name is Jisoo, she’s the one doing all my books’ covers so we ended up being friends,” Jinyoung told Jaebum, “I’m not the only one having girl friends though. Namjoon and you are always hanging out with this girl Suzy whenever you’re working on a new song, she’s a singer or whatever she is.” Jinyoung seemed jealous. He didn’t know who was this Suzy girl but Jinyoung didn’t seem to like her. But the boys didn’t seem to catch it so they continued giving Jaebum details about their lives but he saw Yugyeom looking a little bit down.

“Yugyeom-ah? Something’s wrong?” asked Jaebum.

“Bambam said that Lisa is his best friend so it means it’s not me,” pouted Yugyeom.

“Yah stupid! You always want to play with Jungkook! So I chose my best friend too!” whined Bambam.

“Bambam don’t call your brother stupid,” started Jinyoung, “and both of you, I already told you to stop fighting over this. You can be each other’s best friends even if Yugyeom plays a lot with Kookie and Bambam hangs out with Lisa a lot.” He finished by sighing. It seems like it was a frequent argument between the two boys since the others were just watching them peacefully.

Jaebum has heard everyone talking except for Jackson, “Jackson-ah, what about you?”

“Uh? Me?” he looked up suddenly confused to hear his name.

“Yes, I wanna hear about your friends too.” Between the two, there were 3 persons, Yugyeom, Youngjae and Jinyoung, but Jaebum could see Jackson clinging onto Jinyoung now that he has been mentioned.

“I…I have Hoseok. Uncle Namjoon always tells us we’re similar with our personalities.”

“So he’s as nice, funny, smart and good looking as you?” Jaebum asked with amusement in his voice because he really wanted Jackson to be comfortable with him. Jinyoung turned his heard towards him and mouthed a ‘Thank you.’

“I guess so.”

“He calls himself wild and sexy in front of the mirror every morning, Dad,” added Youngjae.

“Is it like a self-proclaimed nickname? Because I love it.”

“You have one too…” Jackson was starting to talk normally, “I call you chic and sexy…”

“All the time,” sighed Mark.

“’Wild and sexy’ and ‘chic and sexy’? I like it, it suits me, right Jinyoung-ah?”

“You’re not sexy with Daddy though, you’re…cute, awfully cute, it’s hard to be in the same room sometimes;” Mark was the one to reply.

Jaebum wasn’t foreign to aegyo but he only did it to his mom, not to Jinyoung as well. The new Jaebum seems softer, it was weird.

The seven of them stayed on the couch talking and laughing like this until Jaebum’s mom called them to have lunch. The meal was enjoyable, the room was filled with laughter, he felt genuinely happy even though at the back of his mind he was still thinking about the conversation he’d be having with his dad when he’d be coming home in a few hours.

“Daddy, what is this~?” asked Bambam in an awfully cute way with his Thai accent, pointing at some fiddlehead ferns on the table.

Instinctively Jaebum repeated what the younger boy said, exaggerating his pronunciation, “What is this~~?” He was laughing until he realised 7 pairs of eyes were on him, “Did I do something wrong?”

“Dad…are you back?” Bambam was looking at him with tears in his eyes.

“Bambam I didn’t go anywhere, I was eating at the table with you,” answered Jaebum. He was confused, he clearly didn’t go anywhere, he was just enjoying his mom’s cooking. Why was everyone looking at him like that?

“You were always teasing him like this before…before the accident,” said Jackson as if he was the only one with the courage to tell him what was happening. Jaebum turned to Jinyoung for some kind of reassurance but he wasn’t looking at him this time, his gaze lost on the table. Was he starting to get his memories back? He didn’t feel anything strange or different from the time they were on the couch to now, eating lunch. And he did it without thinking about it, it’s not like he had an enlightenment or something. He was about to open his mouth when Jinyoung started talking.

“See boys, as I told you we just need to be patient, everything will work out at the end.” He was trying to smile but Jaebum could see it was a fake one.

The rest of the meal was in a quieter mood but still enjoyable. Bambam who was sat across from him kept smiling at him when he wasn’t talking to Yugyeom who was next to Jaebum. Of course, he smiled back but his gaze kept going back to Jinyoung, who was on Bambam’s left. Why wasn’t Jinyoung happy to see that the new Jaebum was still here somewhere?

The question was still on his mind even after lunch and the movie they watched after. He was confused because it was a Marvel and there were way too many new heroes for him to understand what was happening.

He got out of his trance when he heard the front door open on his dad, coming back from work. He got tensed suddenly. The unlooked-for moment was finally happening. He didn’t even greet them or look at them, he just passed to go straight into the kitchen. Jaebum got up to ask his mom to take the kids to the nearby park, the park Jinyoung and him used to play at when they were in middle school. If he were going to talk to his dad, he didn’t want his children to hear or see anything.

After they put their coats on, they left the house, leaving Jaebum with Jinyoung and Jackson next to him. He lowered himself to talk to Jackson’s face, “Jackson-ah…there’s no easy way to tell you but I know what your grandpa did to you…” Jackson’s eyes got filled up with tears in seconds.

“Dad I’m so sorry…”

“No, no Jackson don’t apologize. Jinyoung told me what we told you the first time you came to see us and that’s true we are always going to love you no matter what. You shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed of the way you feel. We’re so proud of you for accepting who you are Jackson-ah.” Jaebum hugged him because he couldn’t bear to see him like this, tears flowing down his cheeks like river streams. “I’m sorry if I scared you the night of my accident, baby.” Even the word ‘baby’ got out of his mouth instinctively, just like what happened with Bambam earlier. “I shouldn’t have made you so scared. I was just trying to protect you.” He broke the hug to cup Jackson’s face to look into his eyes, “Do you trust me?” Jackson nodded. “So I promise I’m gonna fix it, for you, okay? So that my little - already big - boy can smile again.” He said every word looking into Jackson’s eyes to make him understand that he meant it, he truly meant it.

He got up, looked at Jinyoung and said, “Let’s do this.”

The three of them started walking towards the kitchen, where Jaebum’s dad was, with Jaebum leading the way, Jinyoung next to him and Jackson behind Jinyoung holding his hand.

“Father, I think we need to talk.”

His father, who had his back against them, slowly turned around hearing Jaebum calling him, “I have nothing to talk about with them Jaebum-ah,” he said looking at Jinyoung and Jackson.

“Oh yes you do. I nee…no I demand you to apologise for your ignorant behaviour of the last 10 years.”

“I have nothing to apologise for son, I did nothing wrong but protect you from the devil’s work,” Jaebum could see he was starting to get angry with his hands turned into fists now, “I didn’t raise my son for him to take it in the ass, I raised him to be a man, not…that.”

Jaebum was starting to get pissed off as well but suddenly he felt Jinyoung’s hand on his lower back. He turned his gaze from his father to Jinyoung and then down to Jackson: he was scared. He already apologised once, he didn’t want to do it again so he took a deep breath, smiled at Jackson and turned again to his father.

“I won’t give you the satisfaction to get angry at you. It already happened once and it resulted in me losing my memories so I won’t do it again. And,” he started walking slowly but in a menacing way pointing at his father, “from now you’re dead to me, _father_ , but if any other filthy word comes out of your mouth about my best friend and my son I swear to _your_ God that I will kill you myself.” He kept the eye contact, fearing that if he broke it his father would think he wasn’t serious, and he was. “We’re gonna leave your house since you despise who we are so much and we’d make you the pleasure to never see us again. Try your shit one more time and I’ll make sure you end up behind bars.” He looked at him one more time. He wanted to engrave in his mind the look his father was giving him; angry and disgusted.

He turned around, walked to Jackson and lowered himself to him, “Let’s go home baby, yeah?”

The three of them went to Jaebum’s room to pack what Jinyoung brought on Friday morning. They were quiet but not awkward; it had to be done anyway. Packed up, they directly went to their car without even glancing at the man in the living room. Jinyoung started driving to the park who was only 5 minutes away by car. It was Jaebum’s first time in their vehicle; a 7 places black Range Rover. He wondered if he chose it himself because it was totally his style. Did they have another car or cars? Now that they were ready to leave Ilsan, Jaebum realised he was about to go to Seoul to live a life he had no memory of and he was starting to get a little bit anxious.

There was evidence everywhere that they had children; different Pororo and Spider-Man covers on the back seats, a Pororo sticker on the headboard, different pair shoes of different sizes at the front and the back. It wasn’t as messy and it did smell good so he liked it.

They found his mom and the boys next to the tourniquets. When he was younger it was one of his favourites; he would always ask Jinyoung to make it turn faster and faster. He once sprained his elbow because of that when he was 8 but it was totally worth it. Mark was turning the tourniquet Bambam and Yugyeom were on, Youngjae sat next to his grandma on the bench in front of it. If it wasn’t for everything he would have enjoyed it more. Today was sunny, not so cold or windy. He was a bit sad though that some trees already lost their leaves, the other ones remaining turned different shades of orange.

“Gosh Mark, don’t kill your brothers please,” Jinyoung said approaching their oldest son.

“Daddy it’s so fun!” laughed Bambam.

“I know sweetie. Your Dad and I used to play with it when we were younger.”

“You liked it too, Dad?” asked Yugyeom this time.

“It was my favourite,” smiled Jaebum.

They stayed like this until the sky started to turn orange. It was time, he told himself, he had to say goodbye to his mom and leave for good. Before he could say anything, his mom opened her mouth to say:

“I’ll always love you Bum-ah. I just want you to be happy.”

“I love you too mom.” He hugged her, longer than he expected it.

She kissed and hugged everyone goodbye, saying she’ll come visit them soon. They were all in the car, seatbelts on, ready to drive to Seoul. Jaebum’s heart was heavy on his chest, waving one last time at his mom but he was ready.

Ready to finally take his life back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since there are a lot of fandoms involved I'm just gonna list all the characters with their age and occupations to avoid any confusions.
> 
> PARENTS
> 
> JYP, Park Jinyoung: 51 yo, Elementary School Director   
> N, Cha Hakyeon: 33 yo, High School music teacher   
> Leo, Jung Taekwoon: 32 yo but turning 33 in the fic, Lawyer  
> Jin, Kim Seokjin: 30 yo but turning 31 in the fic, Fashion blogger  
> JB, Im Jaebum: 29 yo, Photographer  
> Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung: 29 yo, Author  
> RM, Kim Namjoon: 29 yo, Producer  
> Suzy, Bae Suzy: 29 yo, Singer  
> Jisoo, Kim Jisoo: 28 yo, Artist
> 
> CHILDREN
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 11th grade  
> Ken, Lee Jaehwan: 16 yo
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 10th grade  
> Ravi, Kim Wonshik: 15 yo  
> Suga, Min Yoongi: 15 yo  
> Mark, Mark Tuan: 15 yo  
> Hongbin, Lee Hongbin: 15 yo
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 9th grade  
> J-Hope, Jung Hoseok:14 yo  
> Jackson, Jackson Wang: 14 yo
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 5th grade  
> Jihyo, Park Jihyo (I know her name is Jisoo but we already have a Jisoo):  9 yo  
> Hyuk, Han Sanghyuk: 9 yo  
> Youngjae, Choi Youngjae: 9 yo  
> Nayeon, Im Nayeon: 9 yo  
> Jimin, Park Jimin: 9 yo  
> V, Kim Taehyung: 8 yo but turning 9 in the fiction
> 
> Namsam International Kindergarten  
> Lisa, Lalisa Manoban: 5 yo  
> Bambam, Kunpimook Bhuwakul: 5 yo  
> Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook: 5 yo  
> Yugyeom, Kim Yugyeom: 4 yo but turning 5
> 
> Also I've made a PDF version of their house and a Vision Board on Pinterest so if you want you can check them out:  
> https://1drv.ms/b/s!As7_9MdXYGc5hX2FmfalzZ94loGR  
> https://www.pinterest.com/charliebazile/waves-of-time-fanfic-board (the board doesn't follow the story timeline; it has past and present events because I just wanted to create some memories haha)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is neither long or eventful but it's pretty important to understand what's gonna happen next with JJP. Enjoy :)

“Daddy wake up!” said a voice next to Jaebum’s left ear. He opened his eyes to see Bambam on top of Jinyoung trying to wake him up.

“Bambam-ah? What’s happening?” asked Jaebum

“We’re late for school and my tummy is hungry.”

Right, now he remembers that they were in October and it has been nearly a month since school started again. He looked at Jinyoung sleeping, he was so peaceful, he must have been so exhausted by all the past events. He decided to let him sleep, it was for the best. He took Bambam’s hand and guided him out of the room, closing the door slightly.

“What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know,” answered Bambam.

“Ok so where are your brothers then?”

“I don’t know,” repeated Bambam.

“Bambam I don’t know what you’re doing but it’s not gonna work young boy.”

“I’m not young! I’m a big boy Dad!”

“Big boys know what they want,” Bambam looked defeated and it made Jaebum laugh, “Ok let’s go find your brothers, we’ll just buy something to eat on our way.”

They got out of the kitchen, of the big kitchen/dining room/living room area, direction the stairs. He still had to get used to it. When Jinyoung told him they lived in a 5-bedroom house in Seoul, he thought he was talking about a modest house in a modest neighbourhood. He didn’t tell him they were actually living in a mansion-like house in one of the most expensive neighbourhoods of Seoul, Pyeongchang-dong.

Last night, after they left the park, they went out to eat some pizza, too lazy to cook anything. It was enjoyable as always. Whether it was because they left Ilsan or because of the conversation Jaebum had with his dad, but Jackson was more joyful and loud than usual, the usual Jaebum was used to anyway.

After being done with their meal, Jinyoung started driving again, Jaebum too tired to really pay attention to where they were heading. Ten minutes later, Jaebum got out of his trance when he saw expensive houses one after the other.

“Jinyoung, uh where are you going?” he asked.

“Home.”

“We live in this neighbourhood!” but it was more an excitement burst than a question.

Jinyoung just smiled at him, “I told you, you said you wanted to provide for our family.”

Two minutes later Jaebum’s gaze was met by a huge high fence made of stones and woods. He could see the roof from where he was but it gave a distant feeling as if they still had to drive a little bit before arriving next to the front door. The gates opened and he was right; the car started again, driving to the front door. He didn’t even wait for the vehicle to stop completely before exiting it. He looked up, because he had to if he wanted to see the top of the house, and admired it. Jaebum didn’t expect the house to be this…big. In his memories, for 18 years he lived in a 2-bedroom house, 10 minutes away from his parents’ tomatoes farm but now he’s 29 living in…this? He doesn’t know what happened in the last 10 years but damn he could say he made it.

It was already quite late so the boys kissed him good night before entering the house and going straight to bed. Jaebum was still there, looking, admiring the house…his house. He came back to reality when Jinyoung pulled him by his sleeve to follow him inside. The interior was rustic and not old looking; giving him a warm feeling. From the entrance, he could see what looked like the kitchen on his left and a Grand piano next to a chimney on his right.

He was still following Jinyoung when he suddenly entered a massive bedroom with a king size bed in the middle of it. There were some huge cushions on the floor in front of an (another) chimney. Was it like the master bedroom or something? The new Jaebum, he thought, didn’t make things halfway. How could a bed be so big? Jinyoung left him alone a few seconds, walking towards a door he didn’t see. With the door opened and the lights on, Jaebum could see it was a bathroom. He quickly ran to it excited. At this moment, he was as excited as the first time he succeeded in a b-boy move with Hakyeon hyung in his neighbourhood park. Everything was so bright and white in the room, except for the walls that were a light shade of blue. He knew it was his but he just didn’t want to touch anything too afraid to stain or mess up something.

“Let’s talk tomorrow,” started Jinyoung who was brushing his teeth, “I’m just too tired right now.”

Jaebum didn’t mind much, his mind still wandering around by everything he was seeing. Still looking at everything, he got out of the bathroom now looking at everything in the bedroom. But there was another door, one he didn’t see either. He quickly ran to it to open it and without touching anything the lights turned on. The room was actually a dressing room. I have a dressing room with movement detector in my house, oh my freaking god, he told himself.

“Jinyoung-ah!” he screamed calling Jinyoung, “What do I do again?”

Jinyoung was suddenly behind him a small chuckle on his lips, “You’re a photographer hyung.”

“And a photographer can afford this?!” He couldn’t believe that this was actually his house, that he paid with his money.

“When you’re a great one, yes, a photographer can afford this,” laughed Jinyoung.

Last thing he remembers, he was on his bed, eyes sparkling, with all the new information he discovered tonight about his new life. He looked to his left and Jinyoung was already asleep. He should sleep too, he thinks, he had to be ready to take his life back after all.

Still in his memories of last night, Jaebum didn’t realise someone opened the front door of his house until he heard Bambam scream, “Uncle Namjoon!”

He turned his attention on the man who was lifting Bambam up and kissing him on the head. Why was a stranger kissing his son in front of him? And most importantly, why was a stranger in his house? But then he hit him. Bambam called the man Namjoon. From Jinyoung’s words, Namjoon was a friend he met at uni.

“Jinyoung-ah called me last night to take the kids to school today,” explained the denominated Namjoon.

“I…” Jaebum wanted to say something but he didn’t know what.

“It’s okay Jaebum, he explained to me what happened. Just don’t worry I’ll take care of them,” started Namjoon, “Where are they by the way?”

“We’re late for school," spoke Bambam.

“They’re still asleep?!”

Before he could say anything, Namjoon started running towards the stairs with Bambam still in his arms and another man entered the house with 5 children. The 5 boys said a quick hello to Jaebum before running towards the stairs as well. The man, on the other hand, walked direction the kitchen while talking to Jaebum.

“I know you don’t remember me, I’m Seokjin, you can call me Jin if you want.”

“You’re Namjoon’s husband, right?”

“I see Jinyoung told you the basic stuff. That’s good,” He opened the fridge, as if it were his own fridge, and took out a chocolate milk, “That’s for Yugyeom. He cannot function like a human being without one in the morning.”

A few minutes later, Jaebum turned around hearing noise from the stairs again but this time it was the 5 boys from earlier with his boys and Namjoon behind with Yugyeom in his arms this time, instead of Bambam, as they started walking towards them. Namjoon took the choco shake from Seokjin and gave it to Yugyeom, and in a few seconds, his eyes, that were closed, opened and he smiled, drinking the chocolate milk.

“We’re quite late but we’ll make sure to talk to you properly after school,” said Seokjin.

In a matter of seconds, his boys kissed him goodbye, the other 5 children waved him goodbye as well and Jaebum was left all alone in the huge kitchen.

What the fuck just happened?

He barely had time to register what was happening and now everyone’s gone. At least they seemed nice and his boys didn’t seem afraid or suspicious of them so he was sure he could trust them. He hoped so at least. Was his new life like this? His friends coming to his house unannounced, knowing his kitchen like their own kitchen, his kids and their kids being friends, his kids calling them uncle… Now that he thought about it, it wasn’t that bad, it could actually be nice; knowing that you can never be alone or lonely since your friends are always here for you.

He returned to his bedroom only to find Jinyoung still asleep. He didn’t want to wake him up, thinking he needed that sleep so he decided to go explore the rest of the house since last night it was too late to do so.

His room was still an amazement for him but he had the feeling he was gonna be amazed by the rest of the house as well. He has been in the kitchen before but briefly, now he could take the time to pay attention to every detail. The living room was big but thinking about how quickly the house got crowded with his boys and Namjoon’s and Seokjin’s, he understood why the living room was this size, and he didn’t even include Hakyeon’s children. Speaking of Hakyeon he should call him or something; him, Taekwoon and Jinyoung are the only persons he remembers vividly.

He quickly returned to his bedroom to find a phone, that looked like his, on the bedside table. He only assumed it was his since it had a Bart Simpson case. The lock screen was a picture of Jinyoung and him…kissing. Jinyoung was sitting on a couch, Jaebum’s head on his lap. Jinyoung had Jaebum’s head in a headlock as if he were forcing Jaebum to kiss him but the smile Jaebum had on his lips on the picture could say otherwise. They looked…cute. They looked…happy. But his gaze didn’t stay on it for too long, pressing his thumb on the touch ID. This time, the wallpaper wasn’t Jinyoung and him but Jinyoung and the boys. Just the sight of it made him smile immediately; on the picture they looked like they were in the garden with swimming shorts on, Youngjae was in the foreground, sitting down with a cute little white dog on his lap, it must be Coco he thinks, Jinyoung was on the floor, behind him, laughing with Jackson and Bambam on top of him, Mark laughing at them and Yugyeom pouting at the scene in the back. It was clear that it wasn’t set up at all, Youngjae being the only one looking at the camera.

“It was this summer…” Jaebum heard Jinyoung say. He must’ve woken up while he was staring at the picture, “I begged you, countless times, to choose another one because I didn’t have a shirt on that day."

Jaebum looked at the picture again and indeed Jinyoung didn’t have a shirt on, just his shorts but since he was laughing and on the ground, they were a little bit higher than they were meant to be. Jaebum took a second to think about it but he likes that new Jinyoung. Back in his bedroom in Ilsan when he woke up, when Jinyoung smiled without covering his mouth, the time he was stuck on the couch with Bambam’s, Yugyeom’s and Youngjae’s body on top of him laughing out loud like he didn’t have any worries or pains, or now with the picture of him shirtless. The Jinyoung he remembers isn’t like this; he’s a little more careful, more self-conscious. This Jinyoung seemed freer, more himself.

“Yah! Don’t stare at it!”

“But look at that! Our Jinyoung-ie does have abs!” laughed Jaebum.

Jinyoung got up quickly, running towards Jaebum trying to snatch the phone from his hands, “You’re not allowed to see it.”

“Allowed?” asked Jaebum who extended his arm to get his phone as far away to Jinyoung as he could, not to much success since Jinyoung was the same height as him.

Jinyoung jumped, captured the phone and said quickly, “Yes allowed. You’re not him.”

He stopped.

Jinyoung seemed to realise what he just said, “That’s not what I meant. I mean…”

“It’s fine. I get it. I’m not who you want me to be…”

“It’s just that things happened between us, things I’d never do or say to ‘best friend Jaebum’, you know what I mean?”

Jaebum understood. The night Jinyoung told him about his new life, Jaebum knew Jinyoung and the new him were definitely closer than Jinyoung and him back then. It’s normal, he thinks. Sometimes, we just allow ourselves to be seen differently when we’re in a relationship. This Jinyoung was freer, but only for the new Jaebum. He gets it.

He took his phone and got out of the room, leaving Jinyoung alone. Without thinking he took the stairs and walked towards a room. That’s when he opened the door that he realised he just walked into a studio. Was this his studio? Jinyoung told him he wrote and produced songs in his free time but he didn’t think he’d had his own studio in his house. This house doesn’t stop to amaze him.

He doesn’t why and how he walked there but he just did and now he kind of feels better. Was it because this place was designed to be his? He didn’t know. There’s just a lot of stuff he didn’t know recently and he couldn’t help it.

He sat at the desk where there was a laptop next to a mini mix table. He wanted to log into the computer but after trying his birth date, Jinyoung’s birth date or even his mom’s birthday he realised he didn’t know the password.

“0630," said a voice by the door, Jinyoung.

He tried and indeed it was the password. The wallpaper was another picture of them but this time he was in it. They were in the living room, Youngjae was playing the piano, Jackson sitting next to him, Jinyoung and Mark, who had his arm around Jinyoung’s waist, were singing, Jaebum, on the other hand, was on a chair at the end of the piano with a guitar on his lap and Bambam and Yugyeom were dancing in the middle. He felt warm inside just looking at it.

“See that’s the problem hyung,” Jaebum got out of his thoughts when he heard Jinyoung speak again, “You smile when you see them. You’re happy when you see them,” He stopped for a few seconds to take a deep breath, “I’m not complaining that you remember how to love them, hyung. It’s just…it hurts. It hurts hearing you say the term ‘best friend’ whenever you talk about me…”

He came to Jaebum to sit on the chair next to his. He took his hands when he said, “I’m sorry if I hurt you when I said you’re not him. I know you think you didn’t change that much in 10 years but you did hyung. The moment you confessed at the beach I realised it. I don’t know what exactly happened to you but this is why I kissed you that night; it was my first time finally seeing and feeling the real you. We helped each other so much to become who we are today. Yes, we had our other friends but it was mostly us against everything, always and forever. And I kind of miss the man I married…I…I know it’s my fault what happened to you and I know it’s hard for you too but I really hope you can understand that I’m having a hard time as well.”

“I can help you remember the old you in our memories but only if you’re willing to realise what we have together. I know it’s gonna take some time, since you confessed after one whole year of uni but I know deep down you’ve got the tools you need to face reality,” He kissed Jaebum’s hands before getting up, “I meant it the first time I said always and forever so know I’ll always wait for you.” And with that Jinyoung exited the room leaving a dumbfounded Jaebum alone.

Yesterday Jaebum blamed the new him for not realising that Jinyoung was having a hard time because of his dad and here he was, no better, not realising that Jinyoung was also having a hard time but because of him this time. He didn’t like the uneasiness that was growing inside of him because Jinyoung was right. After finding out what his dad did, he didn’t try to protect Husband!Jinyoung but BestFriend!Jinyoung. It’s not a bad thing per se since at least he did try to protect him but he should’ve been more careful with his words, with his thoughts. Now that he thinks about it since he woke up he said, ‘his boys’, ‘his house’, ‘his money’, ‘his family’, ‘his bedroom’ and at no point he used the word ‘our’…

His eyes were wandering on his laptop when they caught a file called You Are.mp3. The song started and his eyes got watery in seconds realising how much the song spoke to him: “ _Meaningless days, as I’m getting used to it, as I’m getting tired to it. I’m confused and lost_.” Confusion has been his mental state since he woke up on Saturday but he’s not only confused but lost as well. What was he supposed to do? He cannot leave Jinyoung all alone, he had children after all. They were his responsibilities. And at that moment, he wasn’t feeling what Jinyoung wanted him to feel for him and faking it could lead things to get worse than they already are.

“ _I was completely destroyed before I met you. Now I’m okay because you’re within my reach. I don’t need anything but you._ ” That makes him think of what Jinyoung just told him: “We helped each other so much to become who we are today. Yes, we had our other friends but it was mostly us against everything, always and forever.” Did he write the song thinking about Jinyoung and what they had? And yet again Jinyoung’s words resonated in his mind: “I can help you remember the old you in our memories but only if you’re willing to realise what we have together.”

“ _You wouldn’t know this but it’s your existence that keeps me breathing._ ” At that part during the hook, a tear rolled down his cheek. The Jaebum he thinks he is now couldn’t live without his best friend Jinyoung that’s a fact but writing a song saying that the only person keeping him alive was Jinyoung is the complete opposite of thinking he cannot live without him. Yet again Jinyoung was right: he’s not him... Jaebum did change over the years. Was it because of maturity? The boys? Jinyoung?

He got up and without thinking about it he walked down the stairs looking for Jinyoung. After noticing him in the kitchen, he continued his walk towards him and stopped when he was behind Jinyoung. The other man, startled, turned around. “What the…” he started and without thinking about it Jaebum kissed him.

Jinyoung, who was surprised at first, didn’t fight back. He tried to deepen the kiss but Jaebum broke it.

“What was that?” asked Jinyoung.

Jaebum wanted to answer but the truth is that he didn’t know either. He has been doing a lot of things without thinking lately…

“Wait…Jaebumie?” Jaebum could see the hope in Jinyoung’s eyes but that nickname, Jaebumie, wasn’t something that belonged to him, not to the old Jaebum anyway. Seeing that Jaebum wasn’t responding, Jinyoung understood that ‘Jaebumie’ wasn’t back yet.

“Why did you do that?” this time he had a little venom in his tone.

“I…”

“I told you…” started Jinyoung, “I told you I missed him, Jaebum-hyung. And you, all you find to do is to kiss me? Are you even willing to come back?”

Jaebum was still not answering so Jinyoung’s stare turned dark. Jaebum could feel he felt betrayed. But the hard, difficult truth is that Jaebum felt nothing… The kiss didn’t make his heart beat faster or his palms sweat… But he couldn’t say that to Jinyoung. He couldn’t hurt him even more. But wasn’t it what he’s just done by kissing him? He wanted to curse at himself for doing stupid things like this. He doesn’t even know why he got up, why he was looking for Jinyoung and why he decided to kiss him, he just knows he did it…without thinking.

“Fuck you hyung!” exclaimed Jinyoung leaving Jaebum, in the kitchen, all alone but with his thoughts that were slowly starting to consume him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made a PDF version of their house and a Vision Board on Pinterest so if you want you can check them out:  
> https://1drv.ms/b/s!As7_9MdXYGc5hX2FmfalzZ94loGR  
> https://www.pinterest.com/charliebazile/waves-of-time-fanfic-board (the board doesn't follow the story timeline; it has past and present events because I just wanted to create some memories haha)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello people, I call this chapter filler (lol) because I needed to introduce the different characters so that you could understand their dynamics. And guess what? There's no angst woohay! By the way, I love Jaebum and Hakyeon's friendship. Enjoy :)

Jaebum has been in the kitchen, alone, for the last ten minutes wondering what he should do right now. He could either stay here until Jinyoung decides not to be pissed off anymore or go see Jinyoung and try to talk to him. But trying to talk to Jinyoung meant the possibility of fucking everything up again. But suddenly someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around thinking it was Jinyoung. It was not. It was Hakyeon.

“Hyung? What are you doi…”

“I’ve been shouting your name for the last 2 minutes, Jaebum-ah. Your memory’s already messed up, don’t fuck up your ears you punk,” said Hakyeon but with a tint of amusement in his voice.

But Jaebum didn’t move or say anything, admiring his friend, because yes Jaebum considered Hakyeon his friend. He has always been rigid concerning the hyung-dongsaeng relationship but Hakyeon has been the exception during his high school years. From the moment he met him, at 15, full of excitement because he finally started high school and Hakyeon, already 18, stressing about everything that was happening in his life; final year of high school so exams, college acceptance, Jaehwan crying all the goddamn time because he was making his teeth. Somehow, in a weird connection they started talking because Jaebum, at the time, had quite a temper, always getting into trouble; Hakyeon has been the one guiding him become a better Jaebum.

The weeks passed and they discovered their common interest: dance. The two could spend hours and hours dancing, trying new moves, failing most of the time but treating themselves a cheap meal whenever they succeeded. Jinyoung was here, Jinyoung was always here, watching over Jaehwan, trying some moves with them sometimes and when he was too tired, recording them. Jaebum remembers how his parents didn’t quite approve of this friendship, saying he should focus on his grades and making friends his own age but he didn’t care. They couldn’t understand the joy he felt whenever he would spend his weekends only dancing and eating.

It lasted one year. Soon Hakyeon had to move because he had to go to college now. Jaebum really thought it was the end; he would never see his hyung again. But after a few weeks, after the beginning of 11th grade, Hakyeon was waiting for him in front of the school with his car. That became their thing for the 2 remaining years of high school; them hanging out together on weekends. He slowly became the brother Jaebum never had. He had Jinyoung, sure, but it wasn’t the same, with Jinyoung it has always been different, deeper; they could literally communicate with their eyes only.

So yes, he admits it, seeing Hakyeon in front of him with a smile on his face made him nostalgic of the times when everything was simpler. Get up, go to school, hang out with Jinyoung, go home, homework, dinner, sleep, repeat. He didn’t cherish it enough, he thinks, the times when everything was easier. If he had the possibility he’d say that yes, he’d like to come back to when he was 17/18 just to cherish everything in a deeper way but he knows that’s impossible. But right now, Jaebum was just glad to face his friend.

“Hyung I’ve missed you so much,” Jaebum went to hug Hakyeon.

“Aigoo, the new Jaebum would never do such things,” this time Hakyeon was laughing.

“Shut up and hug me back!” It wasn’t said in a mean or bossy way, it was just the way Jaebum talked to people he liked and Hakyeon knew it too damn well.

Now in his hyung’s embrace, Jaebum’s thoughts went back to when he hugged Jinyoung before telling him he would fix the “da(sshole)d” situation.

“Hyung…” whined Jaebum, “I think I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.”

Hakyeon broke the hug, “You’ve been back in Seoul for less than a day, what could you have fucked up, Jaebum-ah?”

“I kind of kissed Jinyoung,” explained Jaebum.

“Well he’s your husband, after all, you can. I know you don’t remember much but Jinyoung’s always gonna be Jinyoung, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t feel anything…”

This time Hakyeon kept quiet. If he had nothing to say, it really meant Jaebum fucked up so bad.

“Oh my god, hyung say something,” pleaded Jaebum starting to feel tensed by the silence, “Please.”

“How mad is he? Did you tell him that? Gosh Jaebumie, I leave you for one day and you’re already getting yourself in trouble, you really didn’t learn,” even though the first part was accentuated on the ‘how mad is he?’, the second part was more on the playful side.

“He told me to go fuck myself,” replied Jaebum.

“Okay so he’s pretty pissed,” sighed the older man.

They stayed quiet for a few seconds before Hakyeon broke the silence, “You know what? Let’s go out get some fresh air. We need to leave Jinyoung alone for a few hours anyway, and you need to get out of here. Just because you’re amnesiac doesn’t mean you should stay home. And in the meantime, you’ll try to explain everything that happened because I’m sure there’s a lot you don’t tell me.”

Jaebum didn’t want to leave Jinyoung alone but at the same time, he knew how much the other one was stubborn so it’s for the best that he leaves for a few hours anyway. He quickly grabbed his phone and one of the coats at the entrance and got out of the house followed by Hakyeon.

They got into Hakyeon’s car and it was similar to the car Jinyoung has been driving so far but it was a BMW this time, not a Range Rover like their car. But while in theirs, there were covers, shoes and stickers everywhere, in this car there were only some albums from bands he didn’t know here and there. From what Jinyoung’s told him, apart from Jaehwan, Hakyeon had 3 more children, Wonshik and Hongbin who were Mark’s age so 15 and Hyuk? who was 9 like Youngjae. With 3 teenagers and the last one in elementary school, Jaebum understood why there were no covers and stickers around the car.

“Hyung, what do you do again?” asked Jaebum, putting his seatbelt on.

“I’m our sons’ music teacher.”

“Our sons?” Jaebum accentuated the ‘s’ at the end of 'son'.

“When you and Jinyoung adopted Mark and Jackson they couldn’t speak Korean so you enrolled them in an international school. Quite pricey but it’s good, one of the best in Seoul. The good side is that it offers all the grades from Kindergarten to High School so we just enrolled everyone together. It was easier that way and we didn’t have to stress about them having no friends or picking them up late since we’re all like a big family anyway, we could count on each other. After my degree, I worked for a few years as a vocal coach but with Taekwoon having a pretty busy schedule we spent less and less time with our children. So, when there was a vacant job for a music teacher in their school I went for it. New schedule, less busy with school hours and holidays, everything was perfect and I could spend more time with my boys.”

Hakyeon’s words were stuck in Jaebum’s head: “we’re all like a big family anyway.” Everything about Jaebum’s new life seemed perfect. He’s found purpose, happiness and another family with his friends. He married his best friend, was happy with his job, had quite a talent for producing songs, his children were healthy and he was surrounded by friends who described their bound as family, he even seemed like a nice guy. So, what has Jaebum done in his past life for him to forget everything good that ever happened to him?

When Jaebum regained his attention on what was happening, Hakyeon was parking in front of a building with a “Coffee & Paws” sign at the front.

“A cat café?” asked Jaebum.

“You need to relax Jaebum-ah and what’s better than a cat for that?” replied Hakyeon.

Nora was gone and a dog didn’t have the same feeling as a cat, and he really, really needed some affection right now. They entered the building, sat at a table near the back of the café, next to a cat tower where two cats were fast asleep. Hakyeon returned with two Americanos and they just started talking, trying to catch up on what Jaebum’s missed.

Jaebum’s life was quite fascinating actually; due to his job as a photographer he traveled a lot; Tokyo, Shanghai, Bangkok, Paris, Milan, London, Cape Town, New York, Santiago and other cities he never heard of and couldn’t remember after Hakyeon told him. He would always try to bring Jinyoung and the boys if they didn’t have school and if it were during school holidays, he’d bring everyone. “We never had to plan our next holiday since ‘Uncle Jaebum’ would come up with a next exotic place to bring us,” joked Hakyeon.

“Probably because it’s your job, or maybe because you love them too much, who knows? But you would always take pictures of literally every single thing happening. Look at your gallery and see for yourself.”

Jaebum’s wallpaper was a candid picture of Jinyoung and the boys laughing so he knew he liked taking candid pictures but of every single thing? Not sure. There were multiple folders in his gallery: ‘family time❤︎’, him❤︎', ‘just whatever’, ‘the art of my art’ and 'them❤︎'.

He clicked on the ‘just whatever’ folder because the others had a sentimental name so it was better to start with the less painful one.

The content of the folder was literally a bunch of random pictures; cats, streets, skies, libraries but he looked at them closely and realised that they were not from Korea. LA, New York, Toronto, Paris, Buenos Aires, Barcelona, Tokyo; he had street pictures of everywhere all around the globe. Well, at least now he was sure Hakyeon wasn’t lying.

In the ‘family time❤︎’ folder, he expected to find some pictures of Jinyoung and the boys, but no, he found pictures of his, Namjoon’s and Hakyeon’s family together. _We’re all like a big family anyway_. There was a picture of Mark and two other boys his age _on_ a car, probably Yoongi and Wonshik, Jaebum thinks. What the hell were they doing _on_ a car? And why did Jaebum have a picture of that on his phone? Did Jinyoung also know about this? ‘You’re thinking like a dad…’, Jaebum told himself. There was another one where he could see like 8 bodies on a trampoline in sleeping bags, sleeping on the said trampoline. The cutest one was a picture of Yugyeom and Bambam in a bath with another little boy, didn’t know who he was but he was cute. _We’re all like a big family anyway_.

‘The art of my art’ was the next one. What could that possibly mean anyway? When he clicked on the folder, it was full of pictures of Mark, Jackson and Jinyoung, modeling.

“Hyung, uh, why is Mark in a Grazia magazine?” asked Jaebum.

“He grew up watching you getting more and more passionate about photography so one day he asked you if he could model for you and you said, ‘why not?’ A few months later, all we know is that Grazia saw your shots of Mark and wanted him in the magazine,” answered Hakyeon.

“What about Jackson then?”

“You thought he was old enough to do it too and he’s quite talented actually. Last summer he was in W magazine. You’re gonna make your boys famous one day, Jaebum-ah,” smiled Hakyeon, “And for Jinyoung, for every book he releases there’s another shoot going on so he would always make his diva and ask for you only. His agent told him that you can’t do everything you’re already doing and then do some shots for him, but try changing the mind of a stubborn Virgo, you can’t.”

Jaebum laughed because he was right, Jinyoung may be nice (most of the time) but he has always been stubborn. But then he realised that he named the folder ‘the art of my art’. He called Jinyoung and his boys his art…

There were only two folders left, him❤︎ and them❤︎, and Jaebum didn’t know if he had the courage to click on them. But still, he clicked on ‘them❤︎’ because he was sure he’d see pictures of his boys and that’d make him happy.

Indeed, there were only pictures of his boys, new and old. Jackson and Mark in a Luigi and Mario costumes, Youngjae “playing” baseball, Bambam and Yugyeom sleeping next to each other. Jinyoung was also on some of them; Jinyoung holding Bambam in a park, Jinyoung in the living room watching some drama with Yugyeom, Jinyoung hugging (more like chocking) Jackson. Jaebum could feel the love in them and it made him sad. Just like he’d never be able to relive the last moments he had with Nora, he won’t be able to relive or feel the joy he felt at these exact moments.

Should he click on the ‘him❤︎’ folder? Should he find out what Jinyoung meant when he said, ‘things I’d never do or say to ‘best friend Jaebum’’? He…didn’t want to though. He wasn’t ready yet. He has been laughing with Hakyeon for a few hours now, but it was only this morning that Jinyoung told him to go fuck himself, it was only this morning that Jaebum didn’t feel anything for him…

Suddenly there was a cat on his foot, circling as if he were ready to sleep.

“Aigoo you’re still a cat person, even the cat can sense it,” said Hakyeon.

“I guess so.”

“Jaebum-ah,” this time he was serious, “now that I let you look at the pictures you had of them, do you mind telling me what happened?”

Jaebum knew he was talking about the kiss, “The truth is, I don’t know. He was telling me how he missed the man he married, that he was having some hard time about the whole situation and when he left me alone I just went to him and kissed him.”

“Like that?”

“Like that. It was like the new Jaebum had taken over my body for a split second, it was weird.”

Hakyeon took a few seconds to reply, “But what if it were you?”

Him? As if the Jaebum he thinks he is now? No way, “Stop saying nonsense I told you I felt nothing.”

“Maybe it was the new you guiding your feet towards Jinyoung, towards the man you married and love Jaebum-ah,” he took another pause, “I’ve known you for 16 years now, I know what you’ve been through as a teenager, as a young adult and now as an adult. Jinyoung has always been there for you, you were just the one not letting you feel what you had to feel.”

Jaebum was confused but Hakyeon continued anyway, “Before you confessed you came to me and when you spoke it was another Jaebum, you were different, calmer. I still don’t know what happened to you, even Jinyoung doesn’t know, but you were the only one that realised what Jinyoung was to you. You just need to allow yourself to feel and trust it Jaebum-ah, and then I’m sure you’ll come back to us.”

What was he supposed to say? That Hakyeon was right? He didn’t know that. He even said himself that he doesn’t know what happened for Jaebum to change, so how could he be so sure?

“Don’t frown like this Jaebum-ah, you’ll have all the time you want to think about it. Now let’s go I’m hungry.”

Jaebum kept quiet until they arrived at a nearby restaurant. It wasn’t fancy at all, just a simple Korean restaurant for him to have a simple lunch with his friend.

He was still confused but he didn’t want to keep thinking about it so he just questioned Hakyeon on his life. Jaebum found out Taekwoon is a lawyer now with his own firm. It was quite hectic, preparing for everything but they’ve got through it together, just like when Hakyeon changed his job. In high school, Jaebum had Jinyoung, Hakyeon Taekwoon. They had that weird connection. Taekwoon was always quiet around Jaebum, judging him most of the time but he soon learned he was actually a really nice person, he just needed time to see if he were worthy of his time or not. One of Jaebum’s happiest memories was when one day after dancing for hours with Hakyeon, Taekwoon said he was nice and that after all, he liked him. Jaebum had felt so proud; being accepted by his Taekwoon hyung, what more could he have asked for at the time?

The last time Jaebum saw Jaehwan he was Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s age, so 5, and now, on the picture Hakyeon showed him, he was 16 all grown up, even starting to get muscular already. They stayed like this, eating their lunch, Hakyeon talking about their lives and their children and how it was a pain in the ass raising Mark, Yoongi and Wonshik at the same time. ‘It was like raising 3 gremlins at the same time, but they were never calm!’ were Hakyeon’s words.

After lunch, they just hung out in town until Hakyeon told him they should head back since school will be almost over.

Now at his house, Jaebum remembered that there was probably a pissed off Jinyoung in there. But he gathered some courage and opened the front door with the determination to try and talk to Jinyoung. He was not in their bedroom so he went to the kitchen, only to find Jinyoung on the porch on the phone. Jaebum could only see his back but he could clearly hear him:

“He fucking kissed me Jisoo-ah. And then he said nothing. No, no. Yah! I’m not stupid. I told him I missed the man I married and _then_ after he kissed me. Yes, I kissed him back but that’s not the problem Jisoo, focus on me. Why am I your friend again?”

He was still eavesdropping when Hakyeon cleared his throat loudly behind him, making him and Jinyoung turn around. Realising he was not alone anymore, Jinyoung quickly said goodbye to Jisoo and went to them.

“You’re back,” said Jinyoung not looking at Jaebum.

“Yeah, I brought him back since school’s almost over. I thought you could go together to show him around and all, you know.”

“Seokjin called me,” started Jinyoung completely ignoring what Hakyeon just said, “Namjoon can’t go to the kindergarten anymore to pick up the little ones, so can you do it please?”

“Sure,” replied the oldest man in the room.

With a quick ‘thank you’ Jinyoung exited the room, leaving Jaebum and Hakyeon alone. “Okay he’s still pissed,” remarked Hakyeon.

That’s how they ended up, 30 minutes later, in front of Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s school when suddenly he heard someone shout his name, he turned around to see a woman coming their way.

“Jaebum-oppa, glad to see you again. It’s cute that you came to pick up the kids, it’s usually Jinyoung. Oh my god, I forgot to introduce myself, you look so confused right now,” laughed the woman.

Jaebum didn’t know who she was, but he found her annoying already, “I’m Jisoo, Kim Jisoo. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

“I don’t think so?” replied Jaebum. Yes, he heard of her but he didn’t want to tell her that.

“Well it’s okay, I’m Lisa’s mom who’s a good friend of Bambam.”

According to Bambam Jisoo was Jinyoung’s ‘best friend’ in their new life. Was Jinyoung really friend with…her? Jaebum couldn’t feel her at all and she was slowly starting to make him uncomfortable.

“Anyway, since I know you don’t remember much if you ever need me to pick up the boys one day that you’re busy, just tell me,” she was still smiling and it crept the hell out of Jaebum.

“It’s okay, I can take care of my kids.”

He didn’t want to come off as rude or mean but Jinyoung was still angry and he preferred talking to her than to Jaebum so no, Jaebum didn’t want to talk to her, despite how nice she may be.

A few minutes later, the bell rang, letting the children out. Then he spotted them, Bambam was talking to a girl as small as he is, probably Lisa, and Yugyeom was laughing with the kid that went to his house this morning with Namjoon and Seokjin, Jungkook maybe?

After saying goodbye to Lisa and Jisoo the five of them drove, direction Seoul Foreign School. Comparing to the kindergarten, the place was busier; cars, parents and school buses everywhere. But yet again it was quite normal since the school was an elementary school, a middle school _and_ a high school at the same time.

Jinyoung was already there, talking with Seokjin, near the school gates. Were they supposed to go next to them? Bambam gave him the answer when he started running towards Jinyoung to hug his legs. They simply started walking towards them, Hakyeon with confidence and Jaebum, his face facing the ground. He was sure there was a word that could explain the weird vibration going on when he arrived next to them, but to keep it simple: it was awkward.

When the kids were dismissed, Mark got out with two other boys at his side. Now that he knew who Wonshik was, Jaebum could tell that the other one was Yoongi. The three of them were coming with their school shirt already undone. Jaebum would always do that in high school as well.

Anyone could see they were friends, they had their own aura, their own dynamic. Jaebum suddenly remembers the picture he had on his phone of the trio _on_ a car and Hakyeon’s words about raising three gremlins at the same time and yes, he was sure that it was all true.

“Ravi and Mark want to go home Dad, they can, right?” asked Yoongi to Seokjin.

“Ravi?” asked Jaebum and suddenly everyone was looking at him.

“It’s French,” answered Wonshik.

“The first time you went to France, we went with you and since it’s the only word he could remember, it stuck with him,” continued Hakyeon.

“But anywayyy,” Yoongi returned his attention to him and Seokjin, “they can, right?”

“Sure. I have to talk to your uncle Jaebum anyway.”

That’s how they parted ways in front of the school that day; Jinyoung and the boys driving to their house, Jaehwan and his little brothers direction Hakyeon’s house, and Seokjin and his boys in one car and Hakyeon and Jaebum in another one with Mark and Wonshik driving to Namjoon’s and Seokjin’s house.

Ten minutes later Jaebum and the other two dads were sitting on a couch in Seokjin’s office. The latter explained to him that he was a fashion blogger so he needed his own space to let his creativity flow. And that according to his own words, “the wardrobe in our room was too small anyway.” Indeed, when Jaebum walked into the room, it was divided into two main areas: the first one was a desk area with a big oak desk office in the middle with two rails full of clothes in the corner and the second area had a leather couch and two little pouffes on each side. The two areas were separated by a big bookshelf that went up to the ceiling where Seokjin exposed different fashion magazines and books. A bunch of pictures were on the walls, mostly big magazines covers but here and there, Jaebum could see some photography of the beach and the mountains.

“You were the ones taking them,” said Seokjin, “This one,” he pointed at the beach photography, “we were in Spain and this one,” this time he pointed at the one above a small table, “it was Jungkook’s, Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s first vacations with us.”

“What about the magazine covers?” asked Jaebum, “They’re not much my taste.”

And then the other two men started laughing, “Are you sure you really lost your memory Jaebum-ah?”

“Why? Did I say something wrong?”

“You also took those ones,” started Hakyeon, “but you didn’t like them. You were also begging me to take them off. ‘I’m always hanging out with Namjoon-ah because you keep those ugly ass pictures on the walls’ you would always say that,” finished Seokjin.

His two hyungs were still laughing at his confusion but Jaebum couldn’t. He kept remembering things, details that were so small but he couldn’t remember the important dates, events, persons…

“But let’s get serious gentlemen, shall we?” Seokjin cleared his throat, “I didn’t bring you to have tea Jaebum-ah,” he paused for a few seconds, took a deep breath and said, “Jinyoung told me what happened. Do I slap you now or now? To put some sense up in your head!”

Jaebum was smiling at him, almost laughing but Hakyeon made his smile fade when he said, “Don’t. He’s dead serious. He even uses a spatula sometimes.”

“Look, I fucked up I know that, but I’ve been thinking and talking about that all day. Jinyoung is still mad at me but I’m so exhausted by everything. Shit happened with my dad, breaking every piece of love and trust I had for him, my 14-year-old son got called out for being gay and I didn’t even fucking know about this, I got into an accident that made me forget the happiest moments I had in my life and all I fucking want for now is to have a simple conversation with my friends, which I think you are,” Jaebum let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Please, just a normal, simple conversation.”

They were looking at him right in the eyes. Did he curse too much? Hakyeon was used to it but maybe the new Jaebum didn’t curse in front of Seokjin. Who knows?

He just sighed, “Well if you want to talk about Jinyoung so much, let’s talk about it. Just tell me how the new me was with him. He told me I’ve changed but I want to know how much. I have to make up with him and stop hurting him and I can’t do that without the new Jaebum in me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the pictures described are in the Vision board I made on Pinterest, you can check it out if you want (but for real I spend way too much time adding things on that hahaha): https://www.pinterest.com/charliebazile/waves-of-time-fanfic-board
> 
> And to avoid any confusions I'm just gonna list the characters mentioned in this chapter:
> 
> PARENTS
> 
> N, Cha Hakyeon: 33 yo, Music teacher  
> Leo, Jung Taekwoon: 32 yo but turning 33 in the fic, Lawyer  
> Jin, Kim Seokjin: 30 yo but turning 31 in the fic, Fashion blogger  
> JB, Im Jaebum: 29 yo, Photographer  
> Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung: 29 yo, Author  
> RM, Kim Namjoon: 29 yo, Producer  
> Jisoo, Kim Jisoo: 28 yo, Artist
> 
> CHILDREN
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 11th grade  
> Ken, Lee Jaehwan: 16 yo
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 10th grade  
> Ravi, Kim Wonshik: 15 yo  
> Suga, Min Yoongi: 15 yo  
> Mark, Mark Tuan: 15 yo  
> Hongbin, Lee Hongbin: 15 yo
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 9th grade  
> J-Hope, Jung Hoseok:14 yo  
> Jackson, Jackson Wang: 14 yo
> 
> Seoul Foreign School: 5th grade  
> Hyuk, Han Sanghyuk: 9 yo  
> Youngjae, Choi Youngjae: 9 yo  
> Jimin, Park Jimin: 9 yo  
> V, Kim Taehyung: 8 yo but turning 9 in the fiction
> 
> Namsam International Kindergarten  
> Lisa, Lalisa Manoban: 5 yo  
> Bambam, Kunpimook Bhuwakul: 5 yo  
> Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook: 5 yo  
> Yugyeom, Kim Yugyeom: 4 yo but turning 5


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of last chapter Jaebum wanted to know how much he's changed so instead of letting the characters speak let's just go on the memory lane from when Jaebum met Jinyoung at 6 to the end of the last chapter. It's just a compilation of Jaebum's happiest moments in life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you noticed but I've changed the fiction's title, it is now Waves of Time but don't worry you'll understand why soon enough ;) (if you find out what Waves of Time represent in the JJP world I'd be so impressed for real hahaha)  
> Anywayyy, this chapter is long but totally worth it. Keyword: character development.  
> As I said in the summary, it's a compilation of happy moments so there's no angst but be prepared for the next chapter ;))) Enjoy :)

**_Jaebum at 6_ **

“Remember that big boys don’t cry Jaebum-ah," his dad told him.

Jaebum was in front of the classroom that was about to be his for the next school year and he was scared. His parents had to leave in a few minutes, all the friends he made at preschool went to another school so he would be all alone. His new uniform and backpack couldn’t help him reduce the stress he was feeling: will he be alright? Will he be able to make some friends? Will the teacher be nice?

“Everything’s gonna be alright sweetie, I’ll come pick you up before you can even realise school’s over," his mom went down to be his height and hugged him. He felt better but when she got up to leave, he suddenly felt the urge to cry but he couldn’t, his dad told him that big boys didn’t cry.

Jaebum took a deep breath and entered the classroom. There were many seats vacant: one next to this guy who was sitting way too straight already, one next to this girl who was eating her boogers and wasn’t even ashamed of it and one last seat at the back. He chose the one at the back, he could always try to make some friends during the breaks.

At lunchtime, while he was walking towards the table of some of his classmates that looked nice enough he bumped into someone, making him fall on his butt with his lunch all over him.

“Are you stupid or something!” he screamed. He hurt his butt and now his clothes were dirty, so he’ll probably won’t get dessert tonight. Well done stranger! Well done!

“You bumped into me!” said the so-called stranger.

“Because you weren’t looking in front of you!” He took the time, this time, to look at the boy with whom he was talking. He knew him; the guy was one of his classmates but he couldn’t remember his name. The boy was now looking at him as well but he was smiling. He was covered in soup and rice but he was smiling? What was wrong with this kid?

“I’m Jinyoung, nice to meet you," smiled the kid.

“Your name won’t clean my clothes stupid," replied Jaebum. He was still thinking of the fact that his dad will probably yell at him tonight and he won’t get dessert so Jaebum was still mad at the situation so no he didn’t want to be nice to Jinyoung.

“I’m sure we’re gonna become best friends," Jinyoung was still smiling and Jaebum was even more confused.

“I just called you stupid and you want to be my friend?”

“I said best friends, not friends stupid," laughed the other boy.

Before Jaebum could reply, two teachers came to help them get up and clean up the mess they’ve made.

That night, while his father was lecturing him about what happened at school Jaebum kept thinking about that weird guy, Jinyoung, he met today. The next day, Jaebum saw Jinyoung at the entrance of their classroom:

“My mom made some kimbap because I wanted to say sorry about what happened yesterday.”

On the heat of the moment, Jaebum had called Jinyoung stupid yesterday but he knew everything happened because he was the one to bump into Jinyoung and not the other way around, and the boy still made kimbap to say sorry?

“Okay I forgive you," said Jaebum anyway, “and I’m okay with being your friend.”

“I said best friends, not friends stupid," laughed Jinyoung.

And this time Jaebum laughed as well because unexpectedly he knew he had met his best friend.

 

**_Jaebum at 12_ **

“So, you’ve never actually read a book before?” asked Jaebum to his best friend.

They were in Jaebum’s bedroom, lying on the floor talking about what they’ve been up to lately since Jaebum had been grounded for the last week because of something that happened in middle school that involved Jaebum and his fist and another guy’s jaw…

“How come we’ve been friends for 6 years now and you’ve never read a book?” Jaebum was still horrified by what Jinyoung just confessed, “I’m sorry but I need to give your best friend title to someone else, you’re not worthy of it anymore.”

“Shut up and just give me a book Jaebum-ah.”

“I’m your hyung you punk! And what do you want to read anyway?” Jinyoung kept quiet so Jaebum just sighed, “Okay I get it, you don’t know," he got up and went to his bookshelf, “I have this one, I finished it recently, it’s from a foreigner author but it’s still good though.” Jaebum handed _A Brave New World_ by Aldous Huxley to Jinyoung. The book wasn’t the best first book to read but Jaebum found it so fascinating, he was sure Jinyoung could like it too, “Take your time to read it Jinyoung-ah. Never read a book just for the words but for the feelings, okay?”

One week later Jinyoung banged on Jaebum’s door with tears in his eyes.

“Yah! You didn’t tell me it was this sad!” shouted the younger boy.

Jaebum started laughing, letting Jinyoung in his room, “It means you read it correctly, Jinyoung-ah.”

“I didn’t want that. I wanted some dragons and some actions and shit, not something that made me realise how sad the world is.”

Jaebum was still laughing at his best friend, “But the world _is_ sad Nyeong-ie.”

“I’m supposed to be the pessimistic one between us, what’re you talking about," pouted Jinyoung, “Fine, just hug me because I’m still sad because of that stupid book.”

He went to hug him because he knew his friend needed it. After a few seconds in each other’s arms Jaebum broke the hug and said, “Even though the world is a scary place, I’ll always be there for you Jinyoung-ie.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Always and forever.”

 

**_Jaebum at 15_ **

“Jaebum let’s go! We’re gonna get in trouble!” screamed Jinyoung but Jaebum couldn’t move. Jinyoung and he have been laughing together on a bench near their school and this group of guys with the same uniform as them shouted in their direction, “How could the class president hang out with this stupid dumbass?!”

Jaebum got angry immediately. 1, he didn’t like when people questioned Jinyoung’s friendship with him just because he was the class president and 2, he just got called stupid **and** dumbass. Jaebum was the one to throw the first fist despites Jinyoung’s pleading to just leave. They were four and Jaebum alone so no need to be Einstein to understand how bad it went.

Jaebum was on the ground when suddenly a man’s voice screamed to stop. He looked up to see another guy, with the same uniform, talking to the group who was beating him a few seconds ago.

“Are you stupid or something? Can’t you count? You literally had no chance against them. Aigoo, that’s really not what I needed today. Yah! Get up you punk!”

Jaebum, grateful, besides how the other guy was talking to him, got up and dusted down his shirt trying to look presentable again.

“Don’t do that kid. Life’s too short to die like this.”

“I wouldn’t have died anyway," replied Jaebum.

“I know what I saw. And call me hyung. I’m your hyung.”

“I don’t have to though," Jaebum turned around eyeing the place to see where Jinyoung was, “Thank you though," he said looking at his ‘hyung’ again.

He started walking after spotting Jinyoung but the other guy quickly grabbed his shirt by behind, “Yah! You can’t just leave like that. What’s your name?”

“I don’t know yours, I don’t know why I should tell you mine.”

“Can’t you see we’re wearing the same uniform? I’m your senior you punk. You should respect me.”

“I’ll respect you if I want to," he turned around again but Jinyoung was already running towards him, “Jaebum-ah, are you okay?”

Well, all attempt not to tell his name to the stranger was ruined by Jinyoung in just 2 seconds, “So your name is Jaebum?”

Jaebum was still ignoring him whispering to Jinyoung, “Yah I told you not to call me Jaebum-ah when strangers are around!”

Jinyoung replied, not whispering at all, “I just wanted to make sure you were fine," he looked at the other guy, “I’m Jinyoung, I’m this punk’s best friend. Thank you for saving him today. Maybe one day he’ll learn not to get into trouble," sighed Jinyoung.

“Wow, how come rude-boy’s got such a nice friend? I’m Hakyeon by the way, final year student. Since I don’t know your faces, you must be new, right?”

“Since you’re actually nice I’m gonna tell you," started Jinyoung because he sensed Jaebum getting tensed again next to him, “don’t question our friendship, he doesn’t like that. That’s why he thought it was a _good_ idea fighting four other guys taller and stronger than him," Jinyoung finished by slapping the back of Jaebum’s head.

“And since you’re actually nice as well," replied Hakyeon, “just so you know that’s a stupid reaction.” He wanted to continue but suddenly his phone vibrated. After looking at it, he mouthed a big ‘fuck’ and said goodbye leaving the two teenagers alone.

“Do you know how lucky you got today?” asked Jinyoung to his best friend, “They could’ve killed you. Promise me you won’t do it again, hyung. If your dad finds out about it you’d be grounded so we won’t see each for like 2 weeks.”

“You can’t change the way I am Jinyoung-ah," said Jaebum who started walking leaving the younger lad alone.

The weeks passed and every time Jaebum would get into trouble he could see Hakyeon at the corner of his eyes, eyeing him. One day that he got fed up by his senior watching his every move, he walked up to him not caring that he was with his friends.

“Can you just stop doing that? That’s annoying," said Jaebum quite angrily.

“Guys excuse me, I’ll be back soon," excused Hakyeon to his friends before taking Jaebum by the collar and dragging him to a quieter place with no one around. Jaebum tried to fight back but he soon realised it was pointless; Hakyeon was definitely stronger than him.

“I’ll stop my bullshit when you’ll stop yours, Jaebum-ah.”

“Jaebum-ah? I don’t think we’re that close for you to call me Jaebum-ah. Besides, you’re not my father so I don’t have to listen to you. Just stop it.”

“Does your dad even know what you’re doing at school Jaebum-ah?” asked Hakyeon who completely ignored what Jaebum said about not calling him like that. But Jaebum didn’t respond, eyes now on the ground, “Oh so he doesn’t know. So, you know what you’re doing is not right, right?” But Jaebum was still quiet, “Look, Jaebum I’m not trying to control you or something like this, I’m trying to help you. When I see…”

“It’s because of Jinyoung," interrupted Jaebum.

“Jinyoung? Your best friend?”

“If my dad finds out I won’t be able to see Jinyoung again.”

“So, why are you still doing it?”

“I don’t know. It’s just the way I am…”

After that day, Hakyeon continued to watch over Jaebum but this time Jaebum wasn’t complaining, he was even grateful.

One afternoon that the two best friends were in the subway waiting for Hakyeon, Jaebum already stretching and Jinyoung writing some stuff in his notebook, Jaebum confessed what has been on his mind for days now.

“Jinyoung-ah. I have something to tell you…”,? started Jaebum.

“No, I won’t go buy you a strawberry milk hyung," replied Jinyoung not even looking up from his notebook.

“No, it’s not something like this. Well, I kind of have a girlfriend now.”

This time Jinyoung looked up, closing what was in his hands, “A girlfriend?”

“Yeah, you know Park Jimin, right?”

“The American girl?”

“Yup, her. Well that’s her," smiled Jaebum thinking about his new girlfriend.

“Yeah but why? How? Since when? You can’t just say that and not give me any details.”

“Why? I don’t know she’s cute and funny so it just happened. How? That too, I don’t know it just happened. And since when? Uh, last week? But yeah, aren’t you happy for me?”

“I am hyung, it’s just so sudden. You never really talked about her or anything. Do you love her?”

“Jinyoung please, it’s been one week, why are you already talking about love," laughed Jaebum, “But don’t worry, Jinyoung-ie, even though I have a girlfriend now, I’ll always hang out with you. You’re still gonna be my best friend, always and forever.”

“Sure…”

 

**_Jaebum at 18_ **

The years passed and now Jaebum was about to go to University with Jinyoung. He was so happy when he found out they got accepted in the same uni and in the same dorm. In the last 3 years, a lot has changed. Well, first of all, he was single now. His relationship with Jimin was cute but soon they realised they were better off as friends. Jinyoung is still his best friend and he’s still friend with Hakyeon. Even his personality changed over the years; his temper decreased a lot. But at the same time, he had to because 1, Hakyeon threatened him to go see his dad if he didn’t change and 2, Hakyeon, again, told him that he couldn’t bring that negative energy around his son, Jaehwan, who is now 5.

After their parents kissed them goodbye, Jaebum and Jinyoung were now in their dorm unpacking.

“I’m gonna get so fucked tonight Jinyoung-ah!”

“I’m game for drunk but not fucked though," replied Jinyoung.

“Yah it’s our first night without any form of authority whatsoever, of course I’m getting shitfaced.”

Jinyoung sighed, he knew his friend wouldn’t listen to him anyway. And indeed, he didn’t. It was 2am and Jinyoung was trying his best to bring a passed-out Jaebum back in their dorm. He wasn’t sober either so the whole operation was just sloppy as fuck and no one dared to help them, wonderful.

After 20 long minutes of almost falling at every step, Jinyoung dropped Jaebum on his bed and went to sleep.

That happened in Autumn at the beginning of uni and here he was a few months later in Hakyeon’s apartment with the first signs of Spring making its way through the window. Jaebum was watching Bob SquarePants with Jaehwan next to him while Hakyeon was making dinner but Jaebum couldn’t focus on the cartoon whatsoever.

“Hyung," called out Jaebum, “Can you imagine me being a dad?”

He heard Hakyeon laugh before he peaked his head through the kitchen’s doorway, “What are you talking about now? I think you’re spending too much time with Jaehwan," laughed Hakyeon but suddenly he got serious, “Wait. Don’t tell me you asked because you want a child Jaebum-ah.”

Jaebum sighed because he didn’t really know how to explain what he has been thinking lately, “It’s not that. It’s just that I’ve been thinking about my dad lately and I was just wondering what kind of dad I’d be to my child, you know?”

“You’re only 18 Jaebum-ah, just enjoy uni life and then we’ll have this conversation. It’s not like you were taken. Wait you’re still single, right?”

“I am hyung," laughed Jaebum, “It’s just that I want to do something great with my life. Like I don’t even know why I’m studying Economics and Finance.”

Hakyeon got out of the kitchen to sit on the living room carpet in front of Jaebum, “Listen, I’m not God so I don’t have all the answers so I’m just gonna talk about my 22 years of experience; life is always gonna be confusing. We always get the impressions that adults know that they’re doing: they don’t. Everyone is just trying every single day not to be miserable and to enjoy what we think makes us happy. What you’re feeling right now is normal, Jaebum-ah, I’ve been through this, but I need you to promise me to always listen to your heart no matter what the choice may be. That’s how you’ll never get lost in life.”

Now every single time that Jaebum was lying in bed, he kept replaying in his mind Hakyeon’s words. _Always listen to your heart_. That was easier said than done. His dad always told him not to cry, always told him to appear strong and tough so now he didn’t know how to dig into his heart.

Let’s just start with the less demanding thought: Uni. What was he doing here? Why was he studying Economics and Finance? He actually really didn’t know. That’s the path everyone followed; go to uni, find a job, start a family, retire and then die. But maybe it wasn’t his? And if he dropped out, what could he be doing instead? It’s not like that he had the grades in High School to secure him anything. He liked books and his camera but they were just mere hobbies he’d be doing, nothing special. He soon realised that he didn’t go to uni because everyone was doing it, but because he wanted to make his dad proud of him. He has been trying for the last 18 years but never succeeded…

Now on what kind of dad was he going to be. He loved his parents but that wasn’t how he wanted to raise his child. Jaebum had the feeling parenting could be so much more; funnier, deeper and more loving than what he experienced. His son, if he had a son, would be allowed to have the hobbies he wants, to hang out with whom he wants as long as the person is respectable, Jaebum will tell him to do his best but that grades weren’t everything. Jaebum would simply love his child as much as he can.

But he cannot have a child alone. He dated a few girls in his life but that’s it, they would always break up with the same excuse: “we’re better off as friends only.” Will he meet the one1 at uni? Did he already meet her in the library or something? Her? What if it was him? He never thought about it long enough but he didn’t really mind with whom he would end up with, as long as he felt their love was real.

And he wants _the_ love, with a capital L, that he sees on TV and that he reads about in his books. He wants passion, he wants that love to consume him. Maybe that’s why his ex-girlfriends didn’t work out: there was no flame. He wants someone who’s always gonna be there for him no matter, through sticks and stones. Someone who’s not afraid of Jaebum’s flaws because he wasn’t perfect, he was far from being perfect, but he will try to be. _Always listen to your heart_. That’s what he’s gonna do from now on. He didn’t want to let his feelings inside of him anymore, they were there for a reason after all.

It took Jaebum a few months to come up with the ultimate answer to life: love. Who was gonna be by his side forever? In the beginning, he was always looking for someone new, for someone who would come up in his life unexpectedly until he realised that someone already came, unexpectedly, 12 years ago. The first day of 1st grade when Jaebum sat at the back and Jinyoung at the front, when Jaebum was going to eat with a group of classmates that didn’t involve Jinyoung, when Jaebum couldn’t even remember his name, Fate decided to make them _fall_ for each other, literally.

Jaebum has always thought it was weird how Jinyoung wanted to be friends with him right away when Jaebum had called him stupid a few seconds ago. It has always been Fate putting events together so that they could always be together. In middle school and high school, Jaebum was always angry when people questioned Jinyoung’s friendship with him because even he didn’t know why Jinyoung was his friend. Jinyoung was smart, handsome, funny, polite, he was everything Jaebum wasn’t but he still decided to be Jaebum’s best friend and to stay with him, through sticks and stones, always and forever.

He didn’t need more proofs to know that Jinyoung was the one for him, that he’ll always be the one for him, he just needed confidence to actually tell him now. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that he thought they were soulmates and that they should date? He turned to the only person he could trust in moments like that: his Hakyeon hyung.

On a hot, sunny day of June, Jaebum knocked on Hakyeon door more stressed and worried than ever. First year of uni was almost over and he wanted to tell Jinyoung his feelings before the end. He has been pushing the date again and again and now that the semester will be over at the end of the week, he needed a plan.

“Hyung, I need your help," Jaebum let himself in and started pacing out in Hakyeon’s apartment.

“Do you need some tea to calm down or?” joked the older man in the room.

“I don’t need tea, I need a plan.”

“A plan for?”

“Well I’ve been thinking about it lately and I think I really, really like Jinyoung and I wanted to tell him before uni ends but it ends at the end of the week and I still haven’t told him. I just want it to be perfect because you know you don’t always meet your soulmate in life and…” Jaebum just kept talking and talking without even breathing.

“Jaebum-ah wow, wow calm down. You’re talking too fast, I understood half of what you just said. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? You “really, really like Jinyoung”?”

“Yes," admitted Jaebum, “It all started when you told me to always listen to my heart so I started digging and thinking about every aspect of my life and I realised how Fate made us _fall_ , literally, for each other. Maybe he likes me too, I don’t know but I need to tell him what I feel for him, hyung.”

Jaebum was taken aback by the sudden hug Hakyeon gave him, “You’ve grown so much Jaebum-ah. I’m so proud of you.”

“I’d be proud of you too the day you’ll learn how not to hug people to death, I can’t breathe you punk!”, Hakyeon quickly slapped the back of Jaebum’s head because of what he just called him but Jaebum just laughed it off.

“Concerning the plan, the only thing I can tell you is that it needs to be you. If what you say is right about Fate putting you two together, don’t try to be someone else. If he likes you back, Jinyoung will like the real you with no artifices.”

“It’s not like I could be someone else, I’m broke.”

“Aren’t we all?” laughed Hakyeon, “By the way, what did you prepare for my birthday on Saturday?”

Shit. With all his thinking about his life and Jinyoung, Jaebum completely forgot Hakyeon’s birthday was also at the end of the week.

“I can’t believe it. This punk forgot my birthday. I gave him 4 years of friendship and all I have in return is a forgotten birthday. I should kick you out of my house right now Jaebum-ah.” He tried to look convincing but he had that smile at the corner of his mouth the whole time.

“But as I told you I wanted to confess before the end of uni…I thought maybe I could go to Busan on Saturday…”

“And ditch me on my birthday? You’re lucky I have other friends Jaebum-ah and that I already planned something with Taekwoon and Jaehwan. And to be honest, I kind of like the idea of my birthday being the date you’re gonna confess. It’ll just make that day special for the both of us in the future," smiled Hakyeon.

That’s how they ended up spending the rest of the day trying to rehearse what’s Jaebum gonna say.

He had never been this nervous in his life, not even when his report cards came through the mail and he had to sit next to his father while he was reading them. Jaebum always hated that disappointment look on his father’s face at the time.

They’ve been in the bus for nearly 3 hours now and they still had 2 more to go. Jinyoung was sleeping on his shoulder and he didn’t know if it were because of the skinship, and it’s not like Jinyoung never slept on his shoulder before, or because he knew what he was about to do today but he was hot and even the bus AC couldn’t help. He could always blame it on the summer weather after all.

They rented a small and simple room near a convenience store by the beach because they couldn’t afford anything else but it was enough, Jaebum thought, at least he was with Jinyoung and it all that mattered.

They spent the day away at the beach just being themselves, together. No artifice, just them. Jaebum had brought his new camera, a Konica compact cam, because he wanted to capture every single detail of that day so that he could relive it again and again until he’s old enough for the photography and his memory to fade.

At night, they bought 2 packs of beer, originally Jinyoung bought only 1 but Jaebum added the other one saying, ‘we never know’, and 3 beef ramens, and installed a blanket on the roof on their room to admire the view and listen to the waves crashing on the shoreline.

Now that the moment was approaching Jaebum didn’t know if he had the courage to do it, he should’ve stayed in Seoul to celebrate Hakyeon’s birthday or he should’ve brought him with him or something to give him strength. So, he just started drinking and drinking not paying attention to the ramens. After one hour, he was still sober enough to know what he was doing but drunk enough to have his cheeks pink already, “Jinyoung-ah.”

“Huh?”

“You’re just so handsome Park Jinyoung, you know that, right?”

“What the fuck you’re talking about hyung?” laughed Jinyoung.

“No, no don’t laugh. I’m serious. You’ve always been handsome even with rice in your hair," laughed Jaebum a little bit too hard, “What kind of person asks to become friends after being called out stupid anyway?”

“You’re losing me here, hyung. What is your point?”

“My point is," Jaebum moved to be right in front of Jinyoung and took the other’s hands to place them on his own cheeks, “I can’t live without you, Park Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung was still quiet so Jaebum continued, “We’ve been friends for so long and I couldn’t even realise how much you meant to me, Jinyoung-ah. Fate decided to put us together and I’ve been so blind to what was right in front of me the whole time. I told you I wanted us to be best friends always and forever but now I also want us to be together always and forever. Do you even realise that Fate made us fall for each other," Jaebum started laughing but suddenly felt lips on his lips. And in that exact moment, Jaebum forgot all the other first kisses he ever had in his life, for the first time in his life he found what he has been looking for: _the_ flame. So, he kissed him back, eagerly, passionately until they were both out of breath.

“I love you too Jaebumie," smiled the younger of the two before he went to kiss him again.

That night they didn’t sleep together, they didn’t want to and they didn’t have to. Instead, they spent the rest of the night and dawn in each other’s arms talking, laughing and kissing, Jaebum feeling like a _teenager_ all over again. That’s when Jaebum realised how blind he really has been his whole life; Jinyoung as his best friend or Jinyoung as his boyfriend they were still the same. Jinyoung was still Jinyoung, Jaebum was still Jaebum and they’ll stay like that, always and forever.

The next morning, on the bus on their way back to Ilsan Jinyoung, again, was sleeping on Jaebum’s shoulder but this time Jaebum wasn’t hot because he was nervous because next to him was the person he has been looking for all his life; the person that made him finally complete. He had been happy before; all the times he hung out with Jinyoung, the time Taekwoon said he was nice, every smile Jaehwan gave him but he never felt this happy and at peace with himself. Is this what you’re supposed to feel when you find love? It certainly was. So, this is why he couldn’t understand how his father could react like this to his happiness.

They’ve been in his house for 5 minutes and it took them literally 30 seconds to tell them the big news. He wasn’t angry, he was furious; calling them names he didn’t even know existed. Accusing his behaviour to be one of greatest sins on earth, that he should be ashamed to even think it was okay and normal to be with a man. So Jaebum left. He left because he couldn’t bear it. For 18 years, Jaebum has been a disappointment for his father and he thought it couldn’t get any worse; well what just happened proved him wrong. But this time Jaebum will not care, he will not give him the satisfaction to entertain all the hatred and pain his dad felt towards himself and the world.

“I swear to God, if he wasn’t my dad I would’ve punched him!” said Jaebum angry in front of his house with Jinyoung, “How dares he say those things to you!”

“I’m so sorry, hyung," apologised Jinyoung, “I shouldn’t have suggested that we tell them…”

“No, no Jinyoung-ah, I wanted to tell them anyway because you’re the happiest thing that happened in my life.”

“But still your dad…”

“I don’t care about him," interrupted Jaebum, “I only care about us now, Jinyoungie. Let’s just never go back to that house and let’s just stay together, always and forever, yeah?”

 

**_Jaebum at 19_ **

Summer passed and Jaebum hasn’t talked to his dad for 3 months. During this time, they’ve been staying at Jinyoung’s house since his parents had been more understanding and loving than his parents. They helped them so much go through this rough time together; Jaebum wanted to drop out since he didn’t want anything to do with that man anymore but all the loans he had were for his Economics and Finance degree so he decided to stay in school until he finds a job good enough to provide for Jinyoung and him, and they even helped them find an apartment. It was also during summer that Jaebum photographed every little detail of his life, hoping it’d mean something for him, or someone, one day.

One day that he was near the uni’s lake, trying to take a photography of a goose, Jaebum heard in the distant a beat going hard, he turned around to find a guy, maybe his age, on a bench, with his laptop on his lap, rapping. Just like someone from above was guiding him, Jaebum walked to the other guy.

“You were born as a hero, why are you trying to become a slave? “Because it hurts, it’s youth” That kind of definition is the biggest problem. In life, a genre is a trap, just like music. Because you become an idiot as soon as you’re tied down there. Fuck that. You the only one ever. Even if you’re not perfect you’re limited edition, leggo. Anyway, someone wants you. So just do you”

“Wow that’s hard," said Jaebum to the stranger. The so-called stranger turned around closing his laptop in the meantime.

“Gosh, you scared me!” replied the stranger.

“Sorry," smiled Jaebum, “I was just trying to take some photos and I heard you. That was hard man.”

“Thanks," smiled back the other guy, “My name’s Namjoon by the way.”

“I’m Jaebum. Since you’re on campus, you must be a student here, right? What are you studying to be throwing bars like that?” laughed Jaebum.

“I just transferred here because my last uni was too close-minded about my art," laughed Namjoon, “and I’m studying music.”

“Well, it explains a lot. So, you wrote what you just rapped?”

“I wrote it, produced it, everything.”

“That’s so impressive man. But how do you even do that?”

“I just let my heart speak," answered Namjoon.

That day, Jaebum didn’t find the goose he was looking for, he found so much more: a new friend and a life-long advice, _I just let my heart speak_.

As Hakyeon told him, he listened to his heart to discover the value of everything that was in front of his eyes from the beginning, but now he was also supposed to let his heart speak? One night that Jinyoung was already asleep, Jaebum went to the living room with a sheet of paper and a pencil to write down everything that was coming through his mind, through his heart. But nothing came. He quickly texted Namjoon and his new friend just replied: “Start with your heart and finish with your head, Jaebum-ah.”

What was this supposed to mean?

Everything he could feel right now was happiness because he knew Jinyoung was sleeping in their bed and that tomorrow he’ll wake up next to him and it’s gonna be like that for the rest of his life. But at the same time, he was scared, scared that everything could come to an end. And even just the concept of love was a scary thing, to allow yourself to be completely naked physically and emotionally in front of someone else was scary, even dangerous he would say. But he made that promise long ago to Jinyoung. _Even though the world is a scary place, I’ll always be there for you Jinyoung-ie_. After what happened with his dad, he promised himself he’ll always protect Jinyoung. His dad… It still breaks his heart thinking that he’ll never be what his dad wants him to be, that his dad will never be proud of him and of the man he’ll become. _Accusing his behaviour to be one of greatest sins on earth_. If that’s how his dad decides to see his son’s happiness, as a sin, well I guess I’ll just have to sin again, Jaebum thought. And that’s how we spent the next hours writing, erasing and rewriting what he really felt for the first time in his life:

Even though it’s dangerous come closer, a little more

I can’t stop it

Everyone tells me that I need to wake up, that I look like a fool

Why am I being fooled

I know it too

The truth is, I’m scarred with wounds

It’s weird, even though I know, I can’t let you go

If this is a sin, I’ll probably gonna sin again

Until I’m out of breath, ride or die, I’m gonna go

If this is a sin, I’m gonna get punished

For you, I’d lose everything

I want all of you, it’s not nonsense

If you ask me why I love you, we would have to stay up all night

I always think of you

We have to come at each other harder and harder

Until we are wrecked, I will be there by your side, I will erase everything but you

I sin and sin again, till I die

I can’t recognize my own heart anymore

Even though it’s ripped apart already, I still love for you

Even if I want to stop, I can’t control myself

It’s over now, to live my life without you babe

                                  - Sin by Jaebum

* * *

“Jinyoung, can you see me as a dad?”

It was a few months after his first lyrics and Jaebum was in the kitchen with Jinyoung, waiting for the water for the ramens to boil and Jinyoung washing up two bowls.

“You call your cat your daughter, obviously I can see you as a dad," laughed Jinyoung.

“No, but I mean with a real child…”

Jinyoung stopped the water and went to take Jaebum’s hands in his, “Tell me what you want to say hyung, I’ll listen.”

“I don’t want to be an asshole like my dad. I want to be a great father and a great man, Jinyoungie, you know what I mean?”

Jinyoung placed a soft kiss on Jaebum’s lips before saying, “But you already are a far greater man than your dad will ever be, Jaebumie. And just the fact that you accepted the darkest parts of your heart to become the man you are today tells me you’re also gonna be a great dad. So, if I think what you’re trying to tell me is really what I think it is, the answer is yes Jaebumie, I would love to be a dad with you.”

“For real?” asked excitedly Jaebum.

“For real," smiled Jinyoung. Jaebum just let go of his hands to hug him and lift him up to put him on the counter, completely forgetting the water. He started kissing every ounce of face Jinyoung had, again and again and again, “Jaebumie," started laughing Jinyoung, “I won’t be able to become a dad if you kill me because of too many kisses.”

Jaebum laughed as well, “It’s because I love you Jinyoungie," but this time he kissed him on the lips, “I love every piece of you and I just want you to know it.”

Jinyoung smiled before saying, “I love you too Jaebumie.”

“You know I’m your hyung, right?”

“Yeah but I’m the only one who gets to do that. Always and forever.”

They don’t know how they survived the following months because it was like everything was happening at the same time: Namjoon and Seokjin got together, Jaebum found job, Taekwoon lost his job so Hakyeon had to accept this job as a vocal coach, 2nd year exams but at the end Jaebum decided to drop out and most importantly they welcomed three 5-years-old children into their homes: Mark, Wonshik and Yoongi.

It was definitely not easy but they were together and it all that mattered to them.

 

**_Jaebum at 20_ **

“I was thinking, maybe I should write a book, what do you think?” asked Jinyoung.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, it was Jaebum’s day off and Jinyoung only had morning classes that day. They were in the living room of the apartment that has been theirs for almost a year now, Jaebum at the dining table trying to teach Mark Korean and Jinyoung folding some clothes on the couch.

“That’s a good idea," answered Jaebum, looking up from the Korean notebook, “What do you want to write about?”

“Us.”

“Don’t you think it’d be too much erotic for a first book?” laughed the older man.

Jinyoung laughed, mouthing a ‘shup up’ so that Mark wouldn’t hear him, “But for real Jaebumie, our history together inspires us so much, you with your songs and, me, I also know how to play with words so, why not a book?”

Jaebum got up to walk towards his boyfriend, “I’ll always support you Jinyoungie," smiled Jaebum, “Let’s call it _The History of Love_.”

“Beumie that’s too cheesy," laughed Jinyoung.

“But I _am_ cheesy. Just for you," said Jaebum before kissing the other.

“Ewwww," exclaimed Mark no longer focused on his Korean notebook.

“Mark-ah, you want a kiss too?” asked Jaebum faking a gasp.

Mark, besides his limited Korean understood the words ‘want’ and ‘kiss’ so he started shaking his head, smiling but before he could understand what was happening, he was already in Jaebum arms while his dad was covering him in kisses all over his face. Mark, despite his attempt to escape, just started laughing out loud. Thanks to Namjoon, Jaebum knew a little bit about music, about good music, but nothing will surpass the sound of his son laughing, nothing.

“Jinyoung-ah, imagine one day he gets tired of my kisses, what will I become?”

Jinyoung who started folding the clothes again while watching the loving scene replied, “He’ll be a moody teenager in no time, Jaebumie. Oh god, imagine Mark, Wonshik and Yoongi as teenagers, at the same time! Oh my god. You know what? Let’s cherish the times when they’re more angels than little demons," laughed Jinyoung.

That night, that they were still naked, breathless and hot, legs intertwined with Jaebum’s body almost entirely still on Jinyoung’s body, and with the latter playing with his boyfriend’s hair Jaebum kept thinking and thinking.

“What’s on your mind?” asked Jinyoung who noticed the look on his boyfriend’s face.

“You.”

“Yeah, I know that but what else?” joked Jinyoung.  

“Us. Mark. Our family. I want it to stay like this forever," answered Jaebum.

“But it’s always gonna be like this, Jaebumie.”

“Yeah but you know the new song I wrote for you and Mark, _Something Good_? As the title says I’ve found something good with you two and I put it in a song to make it official for us but I want it to be even more official.”

Jinyoung stopped playing with his hair now, “Beumie, are you saying…?”

Jaebum got up from his laying position to put each of his leg around Jinyoung’s waist, “Yes, I want us to get married Jinyoungie. It’s definitely not the most romantic proposal ever, I must admit, since we just fucked, and I don’t even have a ring or anything but I was thinking about it and I had to tell you. Every happy memory I have, you were in them, next to me so now I want to have the chance to call you my husband. I swear I’ll do another proposal, with the romantic dinner and the ring and everything but just for now Jinyoungie, what do you think?”

Jinyoung came to capture his lips, “I would love to, Jaebumie.”

Just like the previous year, everything seemed to happen at the same time: during the following months they planned their wedding and the big day was on May 20th, as guests they only invited the persons that counted the most to them, their friends, their children, Jaebum’s mom and Jinyoung’s parents and sisters; Jinyoung finished his first book, _The History of Love_ meeting Jisoo at the same time and that year, for Christmas, they got the most beautiful present they could ask for: Jackson.

 

**_Jaebum at 22_ **

The summer of his 22nd year of life, Jaebum was in Germany, near the Black Forest, with his new family: his husband, his friends and all of their children. This new Korean program, which focuses on nature in general, asked him with a few staff to go in Germany to take a few shots and footage of the forest so he took the opportunity to bring everyone with him since they had 2 weeks to do what they had to do.

“I really don’t understand why we can’t sleep on the trampoline tonight," pouted Yoongi. They rented a 5-bedroom vacation house for their journey and when they arrived they found a trampoline in the back garden, and now the infernal trio wanted to sleep on the said-trampoline.

“It’s so hot so we should sleep outside," added Wonshik.

“What if a mosquito bites me, who’s gonna take responsibility for that?” asked Jaehwan.

“Well stay inside then," replied his little brother Hongbin.

“But what if a wolf comes at night?” said Jaebum trying to scare them because he really wanted everyone to stay inside tonight, “we’re near a forest don’t forget. There are even big bears.”

Jackson who was next to Jinyoung, hugged his father as soon as he heard the words ‘wolf’ and ‘bears’. It wasn’t his first time travelling but it was his first time in Germany so he didn’t know how to react to that country yet and he really didn’t want to die at only 8.

“Jaebum-ah, stop scaring them," laughed Hakyeon, “boys listen let’s split just for tonight, yeah? The remaining nights everyone stays inside, deal?”

That night, Hakyeon and Taekwoon decided to stay inside, Jaehwan was in another room, too afraid to get mosquitoes bites and on the trampoline, were Jaebum, Jinyoung, Namjoon, Seokjin, Hongbin, Jackson, Hoseok and the inseparable trio, Mark, Yoongi and Wonshik.

The next morning before anyone could wake up Jaebum went back to the house and to the highest balcony of it to take a picture of the 8 sleeping bodies on the trampoline.

On their day back to Korea, while Jinyoung, Mark and Jackson were already inside, Jaebum went to check their mails and came back to their apartment with a huge and thick envelope from KAS, Korean Adoption Services.

“Babe," started Jaebum to Jinyoung, “why do we have an envelope from KAS in our mailbox?”

Jinyoung quickly ran to Jaebum to take the package in his hands, “It’s finally here, thank god. Come sit down I have something to show you.”

Jaebum was perplexed because he knew what it meant receiving an envelope this thick from the adoption services, he just wanted to know why.

“So, you know the book I read recently? _Bone by Bone_ by Sanjida Kay? Well, it was about how far will one go to protect their child and it made me think of Mark and Jackson and how we’ll do everything to protect them because we’re their parents, right? And then I realised how we only adopted children…and not toddlers or babies…”

“So, you want another child?”

“It’s not only want it’s…wait let me show you Youngjae first you’ll understand what I mean," Jinyoung ripped the envelope revealing all the documents. After a couple of pages came the pictures, “Look how cute he is!” Jinyoung was practically shoving the photography of a smiling Korean toddler in his face. Well, Jinyoung was right: the baby was cute. Jaebum wanted to squish those little chubby cheeks.

“That’s a cute baby Jinyoung but why was it in our mailbox?”

“Well, one night that I was with Seokjin-hyung, maybe because we drank too much wine but we both completed the form. But they were so cute and they were the same age so it’d be like Mark, Yoongi and Wonshik all over again. I swear when you’ll see Taehyung, you’ll get what I mean. So, we sent the forms a few weeks before the trip to Germany and now it’s here," smiled brightly Jinyoung.

Jaebum didn’t ask these questions because he didn’t want another child, he just wanted to make sure it was something Jinyoung really thought through and besides the baby was really cute, and he wanted another ball of cuteness he could kiss whenever he wanted since Mark and Jackson were already acting up with him saying they’re too old for that.

That’s how a few months later, Namjoon and Jaebum welcomed their new sons, Taehyung and Youngjae, two 2-years-old toddlers, inside their homes.

 

**_Jaebum at 24_ **

“Boys," called Jaebum, “Daddy and I decided to move out of the apartment to something bigger and since it doesn’t involve just us, we wanted you to be part of the discussion concerning the house, yeah?”

“So, if you want to say something you can," smiled Jinyoung who had a 4-years-old Youngjae on his lap.

“Can I stay with Mark-hyung?” asked Jackson, “I like sharing a room with him.”

“Sure. Mark is that okay with you?”

They spent a couple hours, as a family, talking and planning their new home. Jaebum and Jinyoung had been saving money since Jaebum got his first job and now that his career as a photographer had finally taken off he had enough money to try to better their lives. Jinyoung after his first couple of books decided to turn it into a career and at first, it was quite difficult but his style of writing captured people’s interests and now every time he’d release a book, it’d be a best seller. Last month, they both appeared in the Under 25 top lists, Jaebum #2 as the most promising photographer under 25 and Jinyoung #1 as the best new author under 25.

When he was 18, Hakyeon told him that most of the time adults don’t know what they’re doing and with the years passing it realised how true it was. He just knew he wanted to be happy and make his family and friends happy. Sleepless nights were often spent, talking to Jinyoung about their sons’ future and their own future. But at no point the love they had for each other faded away, Jaebum would wake up every day next to the man he married and loved and he would realise how lucky he is. Yeah, they fought, but it was never serious enough to deteriorate their relationship.

Two years ago, Jinyoung had wanted another child because they only raised children so far, but now with Youngjae, they raised a toddler as well. But what about a baby? Will he regret his decisions when he’ll have to wake up at 3am because he or she is crying? Probably. But he’ll love the child nonetheless.

One night that Jaebum was writing some new ideas in his Bart Simpson notebook he heard Jinyoung entering their bedroom. Once a week, they have their own “day off” from parenting because they were still 24 and sometimes at 24 when you want to do some things you can’t bring two 10-years-old and one 4-years-old with you. Their system worked quite well with everyone and Jaebum didn’t mind since he had an entire day to try to hug his boys and much as possible and they couldn’t fight back since they had no one to take their defence.

Jinyoung stumbled to the bed and fell down on top of Jaebum, “Hello handsome," smiled Jinyoung with a strong smell of wine coming out of his mouth. He probably spent the day with Jisoo and/or Seokjin, Jaebum thought.

“You know what?” started Jinyoung, “So, I spent the day with Jisoo and, wait how the fuck did I even get home? Jaebum-ah, I may have teleportation skills.” Jinyoung started laughing and Jaebum wondered how much wine they actually drank.

“But my teleportation skills aren’t important right now, I’ll deal with this tomorrow. God, do you think the boys also have teleportation skills?” he stopped for a moment and then started laughing again, “It’s impossible Jaebum-ah. I love them so much I keep forgetting I’m not their biological father. Wait, what was I saying again?”

“You spent the day with Jisoo?”

“Right! Jisoo-ah! Such a nice girl. I love her. But she kept eating my Tteokbokki, if she wasn’t my friend I would’ve slapped her.”

“Jinyoung babe, stay on track.”

“Aww you called me babe. I love when you call me babe. Do you even know how cute you are Im Jaebum?” he asked squishing Jaebum’s cheeks in the meantime, “But anyway, I was talking about Jisoo and Tteokbokki! She kept eating them and I told her she reminded me of Mark when we first adopted him and she told me she wanted it to so I asked her if she wanted a Mark as well and she called me stupid”," pouted Jinyoung, “But then after she explained she wanted a child, not a Mark. Well, I think it does make sense, it’s not like Mark had a twin so she could have another Mark. What am I talking about again?”

“Jisoo wanting a child.”

“Yeah, right, a child. She contacted an agency and they have two new-born babies and they’re Thai. Their names are so cute like the boy is named Bambam," he laughed again, “The end of the story is that I know you want a baby and I think Bambam will fit perfectly in our family. His name is Bambam and I love him already.”

Despite how messy the whole conversation was, even on his day off completely drunk, Jaebum was still glad to see that his husband was still thinking about him and what he wants in life.

A few months after, Jaebum, Jinyoung and Jisoo drove to the agency the latter contacted. While Jisoo was completing some official documents, Jinyoung and Jaebum decided to wander around in the building when they entered a room full of cribs. The cribs were put by two, side by side and there was like 20 in total? Since no one was around and there was no sign telling them not to enter or touch anything that’s what they did.

The babies were cute but they were looking at their name tags to see if Bambam was here too when suddenly they heard laughter. Captivated by it, they walked to the source of happiness to find a baby boy named Yugyeom. He was so small but already so smiley, it made Jaebum’s heart swell.

“Hyung, look that’s Bambam!” said Jinyoung.

And indeed, the baby in the crib next to Yugyeom’s was Bambam. He was even smaller than the other but with more hair.

“You can’t be here without any staff member," said a voice behind them.

“Oh, we’re sorry. There was no sign so we thought we could enter. We didn’t touch anything, anyway”, replied Jinyoung.

“It’s okay, but I would ask you to leave and wait in the waiting room.”

Jinyoung started walking but Jaebum was still looking at Yugyeom, and as if the baby knew Jaebum’s heart, he looked at him and smiled a toothless smile.

“Uh, excuse me? Is this baby on the adoption list?” asked Jaebum.

“Sir, I’m just the security, I know nothing about that.”

“Hyung, is everything okay?” questioned Jinyoung who was back at Jaebum’s side.

“Look at them already together, Jinyoungie. You said Bambam is Thai, right? And Yugyeom is a Korean name. So, what were the odds for these two to meet? We can’t just adopt one and leave the other behind. Just like Fate decided to put us together, It decided to put them together as well, Jinyoungie. I know we came for Bambam only but can we ask them for Yugyeom, please?”

Whether it was how Jaebum met Jinyoung, Hakyeon and Namjoon, Fate had a weird way of putting people and events together. By discovering the feelings he had for Jinyoung, Jaebum understood that we cannot run from Fate, it will always be here watching your every move. So far, it has always been Fate adding people to Jaebum’s life but for the first time, Jaebum was the one chosen to help what Fate created live on. This is why he adopted Bambam and Yugyeom that day, not because they were cute, but because he knew he changed his and their lives forever and for the better.

 

**_Jaebum at 29 (a few weeks before the accident)_ **

Jaebum has been in Cuba for the past week because of some dance/exhibition event that was going on all week. He had to take pictures of the different exhibitions, dance performances and artists after; it was just a long week. This time he was alone because the weekend he flew to Cuba was the last weekend before the beginning of the new school year. He was sad, leaving and missing his boys’ first days but he’d try to make it up by cooking this one recipe, the family who sheltered him, gave him before leaving: Congri.

He came back a Thursday night a little bit after 6pm so he wasn’t expecting to go home to anything special and indeed that’s what he found: calmness. When he opened the door, he heard some Ariana Grande playing out loud, it was probably Youngjae he thought, and laughter, that was definitely Yugyeom and Bambam. Jackson was watching the TV but at the same time, he was on his phone, like he couldn’t only choose one. And he spotted Mark and Jinyoung in the kitchen, Mark cutting some carrots and Jinyoung in front of the stove. It wasn’t calm as in the middle of a forest but it was his kind of calm: it was home.

After dropping his bags loudly on the floor to let everyone know he was back, screams and feet running were heard in his direction. Bambam and Yugyeom jumped on him and he suddenly remembered he was becoming too old for that. He walked with his two youngest, who stuck to him like monkey bars, direction the kitchen area to kiss his husband. A few minutes later they all sat down to eat dinner.

“So, what did I miss?” asked Jaebum excited to know how was school for the boys and just life in general, “I want to know everything.”

“Well, I’ve got new friends," replied Mark.

“What about Yoongi and Wonshik?”

“We didn’t choose all the same subjects so in some of my classes I’m on my own. And it’s not a bad thing to make some friends…” answered the oldest.

“I don’t like them," said Jinyoung.

“Daddy calls them snakes," this time it was Yugyeom.

“Snakes? Why snakes? What happened for you to call them snakes," laughed Jaebum.

“He basically met them once and now he’s calling them snakes. Like seriously, who does that?”

“I do.”

“Well then that’s stupid as fuck.”

“Mark Yi-En Tuan! Watch your mouth young man!” Jaebum raised his voice slapping the hard wooden table with his palm, “In this house, we respect each other. If you want to say something, you can say it without being disrespectful. Your father isn’t Wonshik or Yoongi last time I checked!”

The table was suddenly quiet and Mark was looking down at his plate, “I’m sorry everyone…”

After he apologised the mood quickly picked up again but after dinner, Jaebum called Mark to the garden to talk to him because he felt like there was something he wasn’t telling them.

“So, what was that?” asked Jaebum, “I leave one week and when I come back you say fuck during dinner now?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Mark-ah, just saying sorry and knowing why you’ve done something are two different things. So, tell me, what happened?”

Mark took a few seconds to reply but after sighing, he said, “It’s just like I feel like Daddy doesn’t like them just because I chose them as my friends and not you two. Wonshik and Yoongi are great but you were the ones putting us together, and luckily, we got along but for the past 10 years I’ve been friends with them and their siblings, that’s it. I just wanted to open up to more people and I just feel like he doesn’t understand that.”

“In 29 years of life, I only had 3 real friends, 2 of them are your uncles and the other one is your dad. Do you know why? Because Fate put them in my life and I accepted it fully. What I’m trying to say is that we weren’t the ones putting you three together, it was from something higher and more powerful than us. So, don’t question your bound with them, one day it’s gonna be unbreakable. Concerning your new friends, I understand why you want to open up to more people and it is a great thing Mark-ah, you’re young and there’s still 2 years of high school, oh my 2 years only, I’m getting old. But anyway, I was saying, you’re young so you should socialize and experience life as much as possible. Also, I know your Dad better than anyone, if he got a bad vibe from them, there’s certainly a reason for that.”

“Yeah but…”

“What about you invite them over once? I’ll try not to embarrass you with my jokes and I won’t try to kiss you and hug you, for that, I promise nothing…,” laughed Jaebum, “Deal? Just tell me the day in advance to see if I can be here or not, because if I’m not available I’ll have to ask your uncles Namjoon and Seokjin and you already know how they dance…”

“You can always invite Suzy, she’s pretty," smiled Mark.

“Do you want your dad to kill you just by saying her name in this house, or what?” joked the older man, “But wait. Suzy? Why? Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

“No…” answered Mark but in a high-pitched voice.

“You can’t lie for shit, Mark-ah. And your ears are already red. So, tell me, who is it?”, smirked Jaebum.

“In my art and design class, there’s this girl Sana…”

Jaebum was smiling the whole time because he remembers how he also started dating in high school, but also because he loved to see how red Mark’s face was now. He just told him, if he really liked her, to be respectable and himself and if she likes him back that’s good and if she doesn’t his shoulder will always be there for him, and that at least his right hand will never leave him.

It was getting late so the boys were starting to get ready for bed, they had school tomorrow after all. After being on his trip, Jinyoung knew Jaebum liked spending time with the boys so he just let him bath the two youngest and tuck them in bed.

“Dad I miss your song," yawned Bambam, eyes already closing.

After bringing back Bambam and Yugyeom home, Jaebum felt so complete with his family as 7 so he had to write a song about it; that’s how he wrote Everyday. A chill happy song that described the joy he felt just being Jinyoung’s husband and their boys’ dad. After a few years, it became _the_ special song: tired? Sing the song. Upset? Sing the song. Sad? Sing the song.

The next one was Youngjae, since he was the only one not sharing a room with anyone, Jaebum always made sure to spend a little more time with him when he was tucking him to bed.

“Dad the auditions for the Christmas musical are on Monday, you’re gonna help me practice, right?” asked Youngjae already half asleep.

“Of course, sunshine, I’ll always be there for you," smiled Jaebum, “Are Jihyo and Nayeon auditioning too?”

“Yes, but we all want different solos so we’ve been helping each other all week.”

“I’m glad you and your friends are helping each other, sweetie, that’s very nice of you. Now you should sleep, you can’t sing well if you’re tired, babe.” Then he kissed Youngjae goodnight before going to the last room of the floor: Jackson’s and Mark’s room.

“Boys turn it off," said Jaebum when he saw the two teens still playing on their PS4.

“Wait, Dad, just a few more minutes," pleaded Mark.

“I said turn it off. Tomorrow’s Friday, you’ll have all weekend to play.” With a heavy sigh, they saved their games and turned off the TV. “Also, thank you for helping your dad while I’ve been away. I really do have the best children in the world.” And then he kissed them good night and closed the door.

Having 5 children under 25 was a challenge, a big challenge. It wasn’t easy and he made mistakes, because well he’s human, but Jaebum was happy to see he became the man, the husband and the father he wanted to be. When he was 18 he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life, he didn’t know if he’d become a great man, father and husband but he decided instead to trust the plan Fate had for him and to work hard in everything he does to never have any regrets.

So, it’s with a heavy heart on his chest that he entered the master bedroom, to find Jinyoung reading some book. He went on Jinyoung’s side of the bed and took the book he had in his hands before climbing on top of him.

“Are they all sleeping?” asked the youngest of the two.

“Yup and now that I’ve done my father duties, I must fulfil my husband duties," smirked Jaebum before going down to kiss Jinyoung’s neck, “I missed you so much, Park Jinyoung.”

 

**_Jaebum now_ **

Jaebum came back home, after Hakyeon dropped him off, more confused than ever. Hakyeon and Seokjin spent the night telling him stories and episodes that happened between him and Jinyoung, him and the boys, and him with everyone. And yes, sometimes he could see why the new Jaebum would do certain things since he’d also do them but concerning how soft he was all the time with Jinyoung was still weird to him.

When he came home all the lights were turned off, probably because everyone was asleep so he went directly to the bedroom he was sharing with Jinyoung.

“Are you sleeping?” asked Jaebum after a few minutes lying in bed, “So, as you already know I spent the day with Hakyeon-hyung and…”

“Not tonight hyung," interrupted Jinyoung, “Just…Just go to sleep.”

He was a little bit hurt and upset, to know that Jinyoung was still mad at him. He wishes he could just take the time to understand that the Jaebum that kissed him wasn’t him, or maybe it was, or maybe not.

But that night, while he could hear Jinyoung’s heavy breathing, he made the promise that from now on he won’t hurt him any longer…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :)
> 
> Every memory and books I've described are on the Pinterest board I've made so if you want to check it out, you can: https://www.pinterest.com/charliebazile/waves-of-time-fanfic-board/
> 
> PS: Namjoon's song was Do You btw. I won't add Jimin to the fiction, it's just that I needed someone to be Jaebum's girlfriend and I love their relationship irl. Concerning Sana, I didn't even know the ship existed before I googled it so I don't know what I'll do about it yet.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIP: Listen to Forever Love by JB before and after the chapter (please don't hate me lol)
> 
> Hello people I'm back again! I know it has been almost a week since I last posted but uni is killing me right now. To make it up to you I'm gonna post Chapter 10 tomorrow so be prepared :)  
> Ok so this chapter isn't long but...please don't hate me or Jaebum, ok? Enjoy :)

Jaebum’s week was just a blur to him. He was just…there, not doing anything special or exciting. He spent some time with Namjoon and Seokjin since Hakyeon had to work and these two were the only ones with a flexible schedule since Namjoon was a producer and Seokjin a fashion blogger.

Jaebum must admit, even though he doesn’t remember them, he likes them. They’re equally nice, weird and passionate about what they’re doing and talking about. Namjoon made him listen to the mixtape he produced a few years ago, _RM_ , and told him it was thanks to one of the songs on the album, _Do You_ , that Jaebum got inspired to write songs as well; it was the song he heard when he met Namjoon for the first time by the uni lake, he told him. Seokjin also explained to him how they met, through Jinyoung, and how awkward they were at first but how they slowly started getting along when they realised how bad both of their jokes were. They’re definitely not Hakyeon and Taekwoon but he can say he enjoys having these two in his life.

Namjoon always repeated during the week, “Jaebum-ah, you can’t write, ‘When I see you walk in, before I know it I’m thirsty. It’s my body responding’, about someone and then forget about them. Don’t worry too much, you’ll get your memory back in no time.” In a sense, it made Jaebum smile because he was glad his friend tried to understand him, rather than judge him about something he had no control over. But on the other hand, he realised how explicit his songs could be, he named the fucking song _Holic_ , that’s how deeply in love he was with Jinyoung: he considered Jinyoung his addiction. It must’ve been nice, loving someone so much and knowing that you’re loved back. From his memories, he dated a few girls and that’s it, it was never something special, it was never love with a capital L…

The boys were doing fine, they had school and their different activities. Mark had his basketball training every Tuesday and Thursday during the week but when he was home he was mostly in his room playing video games or just doing nothing special. Jackson practiced fencing three days a week so he didn’t actually see him that much but from what he saw during dinner he was doing much better than before the dad situation. Youngjae, with no surprise, was in the choir of his school with two of his friends, Jihyo and Nayeon? so, much of the time it was Hakyeon bringing him back home. He would always talk about a Christmas musical and that Uncle Hakyeon will help him practice…Concerning Bambam and Yugyeom, they spent a lot of time with Lisa, dancing, so Jaebum saw Jisoo quite often this week. Now that he’s a little bit more used to her, he can say she’s nice but he’s still bitter that she is considered Jinyoung’s best friend and not him.

Overall, Jaebum had the feeling that with or without him the house would be the same…

Concerning Jinyoung, well, that was another side of the story. He was still mad at him, or maybe not mad, but he was still not talking to Jaebum and he would always fake it in front of the kids. Was it a common thing in his life now, Jinyoung faking his happiness? Is this how the new him didn’t realise that Jinyoung was having a hard time because of his dad? He didn’t know if the boys could see it but Jaebum still knew Jinyoung well often to know when he was faking an emotion.

He kind of misses him, if he were really honest with himself; he misses his best friend. Jinyoung told him he misses the man he married but Jaebum also misses the more naïve and self-conscious Jinyoung. He does like the new Jinyoung, how much freer and open he is but, since the beginning, there has been anger and sadness around them, around the ‘we’ they were supposed to be. He understands that things changed but they swore _always and forever_ when they were 12 and now Jinyoung is acting as if he didn’t say it at all in the first place.  Just for one day or even a few hours, he wishes everything could go back to when he last remembers, to when he still had a best friend…

If he could turn back time, would he have made the decision of dating Jinyoung? But not dating Jinyoung meant no Mark, Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom. Yes, he does love them, they’re his boys after all, but the whole parenting thing was still so confusing to him; he didn’t know what kind of father and man he wanted to be yet so raising kids was still foreign to him.

So, that’s how his week went by; thinking about his new life and if he really belonged here.

On Friday afternoon, while he was alone, since Jinyoung went to a meeting with his editor (or maybe it was just another excuse not to be alone with Jaebum while the boys are at school), Jaebum was on his laptop when he found a folder he didn’t see before, _Thoughts I should keep_ , written in English and not in Korean. In this folder was one and only file, an .mp3 file called _Forever Love_. Forever Love? It was probably about Jinyoung or the boys or both, he thought.

Surprisingly the melody was sad. Was Jaebum sad when he wrote this? Did something happen that he doesn’t know about?

_My love that I couldn’t tell you on the night you shed tears, I’ll tell you now_

Was Jinyoung sad when Jaebum wrote this? Is this why Jaebum wrote the song? He shouldn’t worry too much, after all, it could’ve been nothing. Jinyoung is still human, he still gets sad and upset sometimes so maybe Jaebum wrote that song for all the time he knew Jinyoung needed it the most…

_The first thing I want to say: don’t cry anymore. When you fall, I’ll be the first to hold out my hand. The second thing I want to tell you: don’t cry by yourself. I’ll protect your bright smile. I’m forever in your heart._

The lyrics were definitely cute but not complete, there were only the first verse and a chorus, that’s it. The new him loved Jinyoung so much he didn’t actually know he could love someone that much. With his past girlfriends, it was just there: there wasn’t something special, something that could consume him. But from what his friends told him he had that with Jinyoung. _When we walk holding hands, couples are getting jealous of us_ , he even wrote in Teenager. Just his songs alone could tell him how deep his love was: _Teenager_ , _You Are_ , _Everyday_ and now _Forever Love_.

These thoughts made him sad; realising that maybe he’ll never recover and that Jinyoung will no longer have songs like this to tell him that _everyday, every night,_ he is and will always be loved, especially because he could see that not being his new-self hurt Jinyoung more than anything. As he promised when they were 12, he’ll always protect him and if it meant getting away from him so be it, if it meant that Jinyoung could be happy without him so be it.

He was still in his thoughts when suddenly he heard a loud noise from downstairs, maybe Jinyoung, he thought. He got up from his desk to walk down the stairs but what he didn’t expect to see was Mark on the floor with Jaehwan and Wonshik trying to pick him up. Worried, he quickly ran to the teens to help them pick up Mark but it was he was close that he could smell it: soju.

“What the fuck? Is he drunk?”

Now in his arms, Mark started laughing trying to say ‘shhh’ with his finger but failing dramatically to find his lips. He could not believe what was happening: his 15 years old son drunk in front of him on a Friday afternoon instead of being at school. What the fuck was happening?

“What the fuck happened?!” Hakyeon’s sons slowly took a step back because of Jaebum’s sudden outburst. He didn’t want to look scary but he was so worried he didn’t know what to do. That’s one of the disadvantages to think you’re 18 when you’re actually 29 and people see you as a 29 years old man, he thought. That was actually quite scary and frightening, knowing that you’re not and you don’t look like what you think you are. He still had so many adjustments to make to finally get used to his new life.

“He called me to come pick him up and I found him like this…”, answered Jaehwan.

“So, you weren’t with him?”, this time the question was directed at Wonshik.

“I was at home. He had Korean and I took Spanish this year but my teacher was sick today.”

He didn’t like that at all. His son got drunk and he didn’t even know with whom he was. Was he with people Jaebum didn’t know about? Or worse, a stranger? So many dangerous things can happen nowadays, Mark could have really been in danger if Jaehwan hasn’t picked him up in time.

“Was he alone? Or with somebody?”, Jaebum was tensed. He wasn’t used to the parenting thing yet and here he was, worrying so much he could die.

“I don’t know”, started Wonshik, “All I know is that he’s got new friends…”

Jaebum needed to calm down. Jaehwan and Wonshik did nothing but help Mark get home safely: he should be grateful and he was. He decided to bring Mark to his room and lie him down, it was better for everyone. He sat down next to him, his head in his hands. What was he supposed to say to Jinyoung? And he didn’t want the other four to see their brother like that, what was he supposed to do about this too?

Before he could come up with an answer, he heard someone slamming the front door and calling for him: Jinyoung.

“Stay right here, I’ll try to explain to Jinyoung what happened”, said Jaebum to the other two teens.

He quickly ran downstairs to find Jinyoung pacing out in the living room.

“So, Mark’s school called me to tell me he missed last period”, Jinyoung was angry but Jaebum could see he was also worried and tensed, “You’re still his dad so I thought you should know so that we can lecture him together when he gets home.”

“He’s already here…”

“Why didn’t you call me then?!”, asked Jinyoung, “What lame excuse did he tell you? I swear to God, this child will kill me.”

“He’s not really in a position to talk right now…”

“What? Did something happen to him?” Now all anger on his face was gone to be replaced by worry. From Jinyoung’s response, Jaebum could tell Mark wasn’t the type to make his parents worry a lot, so what exactly happened to him today for him to do that?

“Well I don’t know if this is the first time, I really hope it is, though, but…”

“Gosh Jaebum! Go straight to the point!”, interrupted Jinyoung.

“Okay but don’t freak out.”

“Telling someone not to freak out means that they should freak out Jaebum. What the fuck happened to our son?!”

“He’s drunk…”

“He’s what!! Where is he!!”

“He’s sleepi…”, before he could finish, Jinyoung was already climbing up the stairs 2 by 2, followed quickly by Jaebum.

“Is this that Molly girl?!”, asked Jinyoung when he entered Mark’s bedroom to Hakyeon’s sons.

“I think so…”, replied Wonshik.

“I knew I had to keep an eye on her!”

Who was this Molly girl? And why was she involved in his son’s actual state? What the fuck was going on?

“Thank you, boys”, started Jinyoung, “for bringing him home. I’ll make sure to call you tonight to let you know how he’s doing. You don’t have to worry, it’s okay”, said Jinyoung with an angelic voice before hugging them. The other two, sensing what would happen next said goodbye and left quickly.

With the boys gone, Jinyoung’s poker face came back and it was…scary. Jaebum started to think that Jinyoung was too good of an actor for his own good. Was he always acting like that in the past as well? He hoped not. Jinyoung was the only person, besides Hakyeon, that he considered as family back then, he didn’t want to think that what they had what just Jinyoung’s acting.

“Yah! Mark Yi-En Tuan! Get up!”, shouted Jinyoung while slapping Mark’s arms at each new sentence.

“Molly shut up”, mumbled Mark. Well, at least now they were sure he was with Molly.

“Yah! You punk! I’m your dad! Get up!”

Mark opened his eyes timidly but they got a little wider when he realised that indeed it was something much scarier than Molly: it was Park Jinyoung.

“Oops, you’re not Molly”, laughed Mark.

Jinyoung just sighed heavily. He cupped Mark’s laughing face and asked, “Mark, baby, why did you do that?” Mark stopped laughing immediately and his expression got serious, sad.

Jinyoung repeated the question for him to focus on him again but Mark’s eyes filled up with tears, “I was so sad Daddy…”, Jaebum saw Jinyoung’s eyes getting wet as well now.

“Molly wanted to ditch and I said why not because it’s not like Dad was actually here to scream at me. And I started thinking about him, about you…you’re just so sad Daddy. It’s my first time seeing you this sad in 10 years and the others…they’re so confused, they don’t know what to do. So, I got sad. They told me to drink, that it’ll cheer me up but it just made me sadder so I kept drinking and drinking…Daddy I miss him so much…”, Mark could not control his crying now so Jinyoung hugged him, hugged him tight but Jaebum could see that some tears rolled down on Jinyoung’s cheeks as well.

He could go hug Mark but everything happened because of him. He focused on Jinyoung and how sad he looked, and probably was, but he didn’t think of checking on his own sons. He’s still making the same mistakes, over and over again. What kind of husband was he? What kind of father was he _? You’re not him_. That’s true, he was actually worse, making them suffer more than they can handle. They’re still so young, they shouldn’t have to endure this and especially because of someone that ought to protect them, so no he didn’t hug Mark not because he didn’t want to but because he couldn’t.

Without realising he left the bedroom and walked into the room next to it: his studio. He was thinking of the song he heard earlier, _Forever Love_.

_When you fall, I’ll be the first one to hold out my hand. I’ll protect your bright smile._

They became words without any meaning now, they became lies. Jaebum turned out to be doing the exact opposite of what his new self ought to do… _You’re not him_. He was not Jaebum and maybe he’ll never be Jaebum again. He can’t be the man, the husband, and the father people want him to be, not now anyway.

Jinyoung was supposed to be his husband, Jinyoung was supposed to be his best friend, always and forever but the same Jinyoung that made that promise hasn’t talked to him in almost a week now. Jackson is probably traumatized by what happened with his dad. Bambam is cheerful all the time but he was ready to cry when he thought the real Jaebum came back. And now, Mark, who got drunk because he misses his dad too much. Jaebum couldn’t stay here any longer if it meant hurting them, again and again. He wanted them to be happy, truly happy and he had the feeling that without him they’d be fine. If protecting them, from himself, meant getting away from them, so be it. But he couldn’t just leave like this, he had to do something, to say something…

_Forever Love_. The song wasn’t complete, the song that the new Jaebum started writing as an oath to protect his family, the song that the old Jaebum turned meaningless…

He quickly grabbed a random notebook and a pencil that was on his desk and wrote:

_I need to leave you, I’m silently crying,_

_I’m erasing my heart_

_On a night filled with memories I have to say goodbye, words I don’t want to say_

_The 1st thing I want to tell you, don’t hurt anymore_

_When you fall I can’t give you my hand anymore._

_The 2nd thing I want to tell you, don’t cry by yourself_

_Even if I’m not by your side don’t forget me_

_I’m forever in your heart_

_It might be hard to say goodbye while separating_

_I was determined but the words only linger around_

_The last thing I want to tell you, I was happy because I was able to be by your side,_

_like a gift_

_Even though I’m saying goodbye_

_I’m not far away_

_I’m forever in your heart_

                        - Forever Love (I’m sorry…Goodbye…)

He wiped the tears that rolled down his cheeks while he was writing and got up. The room next to his studio, Mark’s room, was still open and he could see Jinyoung hugging a sleeping Mark. I’m making the right decision, I’m doing this for them, he told himself, I have to. All his life Jaebum simply got up, went to school, danced, hung out with Jinyoung, got into trouble, got lectured by his dad, ate (a lot), slept and then repeated the same thing all over again, feeling like a cameo in his own life. But, for the first time today, he had the feeling to finally be the main character. So, no, he didn’t leave by cowardice, he left because he finally wanted to create the life he wanted to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) Chapter 10 is going to be Jinyoung's POV because we need to understand what the hell is happening with him and what he thinks of Jaebum leaving :'(


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! Chapter 10 took more time to write than expected but it's finally here.
> 
> TIP: For guaranteed tears, listen to Kodaline's "I Wouldn't Be" before and/or after the chapter (it's the song I used).
> 
> Don't forget this is Jinyoung's POV because we needed to understand him more and even though it's quite angsty (I cried writing this ok) it's not that sad at the end I promise. Enjoy :)

On Friday afternoon, Jinyoung was sitting in a Starbucks, waiting for his editor to come; it was supposed to be a meeting in a real office setting but Jinyoung only wanted to talk to her about the outline of the idea he's got for a new book. He wanted to call the book _The Day_ because he needed to write what was going on inside of him concerning Jaebum. _I think of the day everything broke down. Days when I used to smile, that are getting forgotten_ ; that was the main idea behind it. When he thought the only worries he had was Jaebum’s dad and Mark’s new “friends”, life made some unexpected turns and gave him more.

The truth is, Jinyoung was as lost and confused as Jaebum. They’ve been friends since 1st grade, they always had the other one around, at no point they had to question the next move because they knew they had the other one right next to them to support them. Jaebum helped him go through his negativity and his stubbornness because that’s what best friends were supposed to do. Just like he told Jaebum a few days ago, they helped each other so much become who they are today, so now that something broke between them, Jinyoung doesn’t know what to do.

But, he’s an adult, he’s got children and a job, he cannot let that affect him too much. He couldn’t break down in front of their boys when he knew they missed Jaebum as well. He had to be strong for them, but sometimes it was just so hard, too hard, seeing Jaebum like this.

At the beginning of the week, Jinyoung went to Jaebum to tell him what he felt about the situation, that he was having a hard time as well, but he could still help him get back to his old/new self only if he wanted to; he couldn’t force it on Jaebum, after all. But instead of using his brain, to accept his help, Jaebum used…well, nothing; Jaebum not Jaebum kissed him. At first, he really thought what he told him made Jaebum come back but he didn’t. And what really broke Jinyoung is that Jaebum told Hakyeon that he felt nothing.

Eleven years ago, the night Jaebum confessed and they spent the rest of the night talking, laughing and kissing Jaebum made another confession: “I feel it, Jinyoungie, the flame I’ve been looking for. I have it with you.” That day, Jinyoung understood how special he was to Jaebum’s eyes and how deep his love was. So now, in the present time, hearing that kissing him had no effect on him hurt…

Jinyoung wasn’t the only one hurting, the boys weren’t doing so good either, he just didn’t know to what extent. Before the accident, Jaebum helped Youngjae prepare for his audition for the Christmas musical and after he got the role he wanted, the young boy was excited to practice his songs and moves with his Dad but he couldn’t anymore… Mark was spending more time than usual in his room. One night that Jinyoung was tucking them to bed, Yugyeom and Bambam asked him when will Jaebum come back so that they could dance again together. Jackson must’ve been the only one doing fine; since what Jaebum did to defend him in front of his dad, he knew that since Jaebum protected them, Jaebum the dad will come back soon.

On the other hand, since he knew Jaebum couldn’t get used to the parenting thing in only a few days, he made sure everything was alright and if he wanted to participate in some stuff like helping the boys with their homework he could since he was, after all, their dad. As he said, he couldn’t force it on Jaebum, he had to want it, just like he wanted Jinyoung and every single child they had together. But he didn’t. After seeing how Jaebum acted with the boys in Ilsan, taking care of them and all, Jinyoung thought he would, at least, have the parenting instinct still in him but he just stayed there or hung out with Namjoon, which was fine because as soon as he would get back to his old/new habits, his memories will surely come back, he thought.

He has been talking with his editor for the last ten minutes, over an iced Americano, when his phone started ringing, it was Seoul Foreign School, Mark’s, Jackson’s and Youngjae’s school. Were they sick? Did something happen? Indeed, something did happen; his oldest ditched school. Since when was Mark doing that? He wasn’t the 1st in his classes but he was always doing his best, always on time and polite, ditching school wasn’t Mark at all. Jinyoung was sure it was because of his new “friends” or whatever. Despite his warning and Jaebum’s attempt to make him understand that if Jinyoung was feeling something off about them, there was a reason, Mark didn’t want to listen to them.

He quickly finished his meeting with his editor, telling her he’d send her all the other details by email and started driving back to Pyeongchang-dong. He was kind of angry because, on his own Mark would never do that but he was also worried because he didn’t know where his son was, Jaebum didn’t call him to tell him he was home or something like this; he really hoped Mark was okay.

Jinyoung slammed the front door a few minutes later calling for Jaebum. Not telling him that Mark missed his class was completely excluding him from his parent role and even though he didn’t want to force the parenting stuff on Jaebum, he still had a voice in this house and he had to know it.

But what he didn’t expect was Jaebum telling him that Mark was already home and drunk. Drunk? What the hell was he thinking about! He got up the stairs direction Mark’s room because he had to be sure it was because of his new friends that his 15 years old son got drunk! It had to be! He entered the room angry but Jaehwan and Wonshik were also here so he changed expressions quickly not to scare or worry them. Jaebum not calling him was a sign that he didn’t know what to do and with the two other teens in the room, Jinyoung was the only “adult” present, he couldn’t just get a sudden outburst in front of them.

After sending Hakyeon’s boys off, he had to deal with Mark.

“Yah! Mark Yi-En Tuan! Get up!”, shouted Jinyoung while slapping Mark’s arms at each new sentence.

“Molly shut up”, mumbled Mark. At least now Jinyoung was definitely sure his son was with Molly. After dealing with Mark, he’d make sure to go see her and her parents because it wasn’t an acceptable behavior at all. Ditching school was something but underage drinking? Not acceptable at all. And, where was she anyway? She put his son in his state and leave him alone? What if something happened to him?

“Yah! You punk! I’m your dad! Get up!”, continued Jinyoung.

“Oops, you’re not Molly”, laughed Mark.

His son was completely gone. How much did he actually drink to be in that state, for fuck sake? He could slap him, he could yell at him but for now, besides his drunkenness, Jinyoung just wanted to know why, why would Mark do such a thing to himself? He just sighed heavily and cupped Mark’s laughing face and asked, “Mark, baby, why did you do that?” Mark stopped laughing immediately and his expression got serious.

Jinyoung could see his son was sad, broken even. He didn’t like that sight at all. He’s not saying that Mark has never been sad before because yes, he has but this much, not sure. He repeated the question for him to focus on him again but Mark’s eyes filled up with tears, “I was so sad Daddy…”, Jinyoung’s eyes filled up with tears in seconds. Seeing and feeling that Mark was sad and him telling Jinyoung and acknowledging that yes, he was sad are different things but the latter was breaking his heart more.

“Molly wanted to ditch and I said why not because it’s not like Dad was actually here to scream at me. And I started thinking about him, about you…you’re just so sad Daddy. It’s my first time seeing you this sad in 10 years and the others…they’re so confused, they don’t know what to do. So, I got sad. They told me to drink, that it’ll cheer me up but it just made me sadder so I kept drinking and drinking…Daddy I miss him so much…”, Mark could not control his crying now so Jinyoung hugged him, hugged him tight trying his best not to cry as well.

Jinyoung tried so hard to appear strong in front the boys, he didn’t expect Mark to read him so easily. He could only blame himself for what happened to his family and he’ll have to live with it every single remaining day of his life. Besides his attempt not to cry, a few tears found their way on his cheeks, making him realize that after all, he wasn’t that strong, that he could not conceal his emotions indefinitely.

After a few minutes, Jinyoung’s white shirt now wet with tears, Mark fell asleep in his arms. Jinyoung was still holding him tight because he couldn’t let go, he didn’t want to. If he could take his son’s sorrows just by hugging him, he’d do it, he’d do it forever but that was impossible. The only thing he could do for now was to be there for his family, he couldn’t let it break more apart than it already did. Jaebum and he didn’t spend 10 years building what they have now, for it to be demolished in only a few weeks.

After making sure that Mark was in the correct position and putting a bucket next to his bed, because he really didn’t want to clean up some vomit if he ended up sick, he got out of the room looking for Jaebum. They had to talk about it. He let him do whatever he wanted for the week but Jinyoung had to tell him that, whether he likes it or not, he’s still Mark’s dad and he should voice his opinion. But he didn’t find him. Living room, kitchen, bedroom, studio, even the garden, he couldn’t find Jaebum anywhere. He tried ringing him but he was only met by his voicemail. Where the fuck did Jaebum go? Now wasn’t the time to worry about anything else but Mark and what they were going to do about him, and Jaebum still found the luxury to go missing. Wonderful.

Jinyoung returned briefly to Mark’s room to check if he was sleeping peacefully, he was, and went to the room next to it: Jaebum’s studio. That’s when he saw it: the open notebook and the teardrops on the desk.

 _I need to leave you_. No, no, no, Jinyoung was panicking because he knew it was a goodbye note and Jaebum couldn’t leave him like that, he couldn’t! But that’s exactly what he was doing; he finished the note with _I’m sorry…Goodbye…_ Jinyoung collapsed on the desk chair, his legs suddenly too tired to carry him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to tear the page, to break something but his body only cried. The tears were hot, too hot, because of the anger he was feeling. Jaebum left them. Jaebum left him. What was he supposed to tell the other boys after school, when they’ll come back looking for their Dad and he won’t be there? Damn it! School. He still had to pick up the boys from school but the anger and disappointment in him weren’t decreasing and he couldn’t leave Mark alone, what if he woke up and he was sick?

Jinyoung screamed, his hands covering his mouth not to let the sound come out, and he cried, louder this time, his head in his hands. Frustration. Disappointment. Helplessness. What was he supposed to do now? He wanted to be strong, he _tried_ to be strong but he didn’t know if he still had the energy to do so anymore. His life was literally falling apart and he didn’t know which end he should hold on to, for it not to fall anymore.  Jaebum promised a long time ago that he would protect him against the world, that they will always stay together but he guessed they were just lies.

He was so tired, so exhausted. He cried every tear left in his body and the anger drawn the energy out of him so it’s with a barely audible voice that he called Jisoo and Seokjin asking them if they could pick up the boys after school. They tried to ask what was wrong and why was his voice so lifeless but he just told them he just needed time for himself, just for a few hours. He got up to lie down next to Mark because he was the only thing preventing his life from falling completely apart; his son, the first commitment Jaebum and him had taken when they were only 19, was now the only hope, the only proof, that what happened for the last 10 years with Jaebum wasn’t so useless after all.

He woke up by someone pocking his shoulder. He didn’t even realize he fell asleep, he just remembers hugging Mark while he was still sleeping.

“Jinyoung-ah what happened?”, asked Seokjin. What happened? Jinyoung also wanted to know what happened in the last hours. For a split second, he hoped it was just a bad dream but Mark still had a strong soju smell on him so no, it couldn’t be a dream, it wasn't a dream; his son really got drunk and Jaebum really left them.

“I don’t know hyung”, answered Jinyoung. He got up, not wanting to have this conversation in front of Mark even though the latter was still sleeping. Seokjin led him to the living room where two mugs were waiting for them on the coffee table, “What time is it?”, asked Jinyoung.

“Almost 8PM, don’t worry the boys are with Namjoon. I told them they could stay the night, that you were okay with it.”

“Thank you”, replied Jinyoung with a soft voice.

“Jinyoung-ah what happened today?” Just like when you’re sad but you don’t want to cry and someone comes and asks if you’re okay so you start thinking about why you’re sad and you end up crying, the question ‘What happened?’ had the same effect on him, his eyes getting watery in seconds again, “Hakyeon called me, Jinyoung-ah…Wonshik is worried about Mark…And Jaebum is with him right now…”

So that’s where he went, thought Jinyoung. It was not surprising, Hakyeon always knew how to deal with Jaebum so it’s no surprise that Jaebum seeks Hakyeon’s presence in moments like this…

“He left us hyung…”, said Jinyoung between small sips of his hot chocolate, “He said ‘I’m forever in your heart’ but he still left…”, Jinyoung could feel the tears coming back but Seokjin could see it too so he came closer to him and hugged him, “Why hyung? I…We don’t deserve this…Can you stay tonight, please? I don’t want to be alone”, and with that Seokjin hugged him tighter.

Jinyoung needed the reassurance that everything will be okay, that he will be okay. So, they stayed like this, on the couch, without talking, just being in each other’s presence. That’s when he heard a voice calling his name: Mark. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking more confused than ever.

“Daddy…what happened?”, asked the teen.

Jinyoung will lecture tomorrow, oh he will but for now, he was too tired physically and emotionally to do anything so he invited Mark to come in his arms. Mark laid down on the couch, his head on Jinyoung’s lap while the latter was caressing his hair.

“Why were you crying?”, asked Mark after a few minutes. Jinyoung surely had some traces of tearstains on his cheeks and he should’ve wiped them away but yet again, he was taken aback by how well his son could read him, “Is it because of me?”, continued Mark, “I can’t remember much right now but I’m sorry I ditched school, Daddy, I promise I’ll stop hanging out with them but please Daddy don’t cry because of me.”

“Shhh Mark, I wasn’t crying because of you, okay? I…I’ll explain everything tomorrow but just for tonight let’s just stay like that, yeah?”

“Daddy?”

“Huh?”

“I’m hungry…”

Jinyoung chuckled a little bit but that’s true it was almost 9PM and Mark hasn’t eaten yet, and plus the alcohol he consumed earlier, he must be starving. Seokjin offered to make some ramens but for the first time since he read Jaebum’s note, Jinyoung smiled and had a little energy, thanks to his son, so he wanted to make the ramens. After eating, Jinyoung told Seokjin that after all, he would spend the night with Mark, that he needed to talk to him.

They were now in the master bedroom, on Jinyoung’s bed with the only source of light coming from the lamps on the bedside tables. They weren’t sleeping but they weren’t talking either. Was it the right time to talk to Mark about what happened today? Should he wait tomorrow? Tomorrow… That word sounded so uncertain in Jinyoung’s mind now. Tomorrow will be another day and the boys will be back and not Jaebum. Tomorrow will be another day and he’ll have to explain to them why suddenly their dad wasn’t there anymore…

“Did something happen today?”, asked Mark so suddenly that it put Jinyoung out of his thoughts, “Why am I the only one with you?”

“Mark-ah…what if our family is not seven anymore but six…”, started Jinyoung.

Mark sat up on the bed sensing his dad was trying to tell him something more, “What do you mean? Something really did happen today, right? What was it?”

“Your dad…”

“He doesn’t want us anymore?”, exclaimed Mark, “Did he leave us?”

“Mark-ah, you need to understand that your dad is going through some stuff right now, you know?” but Jinyoung was quickly interrupted by Mark.

“No Daddy! You told us we’d help him remember! You told us he was coming back! He can’t just leave! He can’t leave us! Where is he, Daddy? We need to go tell him to come back! Please! We can’t give up on him!”

Was accepting the fact that Jaebum left meant that Jinyoung was giving up on him? And if it really did, did Jinyoung give up too quickly on Jaebum? When Jaebum and him are together, they complete each other, making the best comes out of them but now that they’re apart, Jinyoung had the impression that they both don’t know how to function anymore, as if they were somehow connected by something higher and more powerful than them. He knew he needed Jaebum to come back in his, their life because it wasn’t fair what happened to him. But now, since the accident Jaebum and him have been lost and confused, so maybe they needed to fix each other, together. Mark was right, he shouldn’t give up on him, he couldn’t. Jinyoung had to be the one bringing him back home to him, to them.  

The next morning, Jinyoung called Hakyeon because he needed to update Wonshik about his best friend’s state and because he needed to know if Jaebum was fine. Yesterday he was so tired by everything that was happening in his life but today he woke with determination. And it was all thanks to Mark; he needed someone to remind him that what he’s got with Jaebum wasn’t just a mere thing: they were and will always be special, always and forever.

Hakyeon told him that Jaebum was sad and even though when Taekwoon picked him up yesterday he was a little bit lifeless Hakyeon was sure he’ll get better with time. Jinyoung, then, asked him if he could talk to him just for a second but Jaebum declined. Declined? Was he even serious? Was he really going to play the silence card now? He kind of ignored Jaebum one week so Jaebum was also doing the same now? Or was it because he was really hurt and needed some time for himself? Jinyoung couldn’t be sure but he hoped Jaebum was just being petty and that he would want to talk to him soon.

Jinyoung didn’t want to stay in the house and think about Jaebum calling him or not, so he decided to bring the boys to the Han River. November was approaching soon but today wasn’t that cold and quite sunny actually, so they decided to take their bikes and a few balls to hang out near the river. The boys did ask about Jaebum, where he was and why he wasn’t with them, but Jinyoung just told them he was just spending some time with Hakyeon. He didn’t tell the complete truth but he didn’t lie either; it was true that Jaebum was with Hakyeon and Jinyoung was sure he’d be coming back, or if not, he’ll make him realize that he needed to come back, for his own good.

He spent the rest of the weekend trying to call Jaebum and getting to his voicemail every single time. Hakyeon, eventually admitted that Jaebum said he just didn’t want to see him, that he needed time. Jinyoung could understand that. He could. At least, he was sure Jaebum wasn’t alone, he was with Hakyeon, the closest friend Jaebum had after Jinyoung moved to the boyfriend then husband category.

Not having him around was weird, he must admit. He’s known Jaebum for 23 years and has been spending every day with him for 11 years so with not Jaebum around, Jinyoung could feel something was missing. It was actually shocking how, despite not being totally himself, Jaebum’s presence made Jinyoung calmer. During the week, he’d be sleeping next to Jaebum and even though it was nothing special since they were just in the same bed, not touching or anything, Jinyoung could still feel his presence so he’d sleep well. But since he left, Jinyoung hasn’t had one good night sleep not even with his two youngest sleeping next to him. So, with every hour passing, Jinyoung was glad to know that Jaebum was, and will always be his special someone.

On the Monday, Jinyoung decided to go see Jaebum. The boys were at school so he’d have the opportunity to talk to him without being afraid of being heard or seen, or even read since Mark could read him like an open book now. Hakyeon texted Jinyoung, telling him that Taekwoon dropped Jaebum to Namjoon’s house before they left for work. So, it means that Jaebum still didn’t want to see him or talk to him. Great.

He spent the morning receiving calls from Jaebum’s clients, trying to explain to them the situation and telling them that he’d be back soon but some of them didn’t want to hear it. He understood them to an extent, they had busy schedules so they couldn’t wait for him to come back but being so rude about it, about something that Jaebum didn’t plan was just wrong. So, it’s a little bit irritated but still happy that Jinyoung was driving to Yeonhui-dong, Namjoon’s neighborhood.

When he arrived Namjoon was in the kitchen making lunch, some fried rice recipe, indicating Jinyoung that Jaebum was upstairs in his studio. When he opened the door smiling he wasn’t expecting to witness Suzy and Jaebum kissing, or maybe it was Suzy kissing Jaebum or Jaebum kissing Suzy he didn’t care, all he could see is that their lips were touching.

“What the fuck is going on here!”, he had not been ignored by Jaebum for 3 days for him to find him kissing another girl, especially Suzy! Jaebum quickly realized that Jinyoung was now in the room so he pushed Suzy away from him.

“Oh, hello Jinyoung”, smiled Suzy not even looking ashamed of what she just did, “Hadn’t seen you in a long time. Is everything fine in your life?”

Jinyoung wanted to slap her so bad right now. _Is everything fine in your life?_ He must be hallucinating, he thinks, she just kissed the man that she knew was his husband and the father to his children and she still had the audacity to ask if everything was fine? She really wanted to be slapped. But Jinyoung didn’t want to give her the satisfaction to get angry in front of her, especially not today when it was supposed to be a happy day because he wanted to get Jaebum back, but what just happened in front of his eyes totally ruined it.

At the beginning, when Jinyoung first met Suzy he liked her because she was nice, smiley and she had a great voice but he soon realized how big her crush on Jaebum was. They had been married for 2 years and already had Mark, Jackson, and Youngjae but that didn’t stop her feelings for his husband apparently, and it has been going on since then.

Jaebum too blind to realize what was happening so kept hanging out with her when he was with Namjoon because they loved music, and Jaebum was in it for the music, that’s it. But Jaebum soon realized how uncomfortable Jinyoung was whenever Suzy was here so he wrote him _One and Only You_. That night, after fucking Jaebum repeating him that he’s his only and then Jaebum fucking him to make him know that he only belonged to Park Jinyoung, Jinyoung decided to be more lenient about Suzy just for the sake of Jaebum’s and Namjoon’s art but he still kept an eye on her.

But that was when Jaebum was still Jaebum and he could trust him, with _this_ Jaebum, it was different. Before he confessed to him, the 18 years old Jaebum only dated girls and he never showed signs of liking boys and since Suzy was gorgeous, he could at least admit that, Jinyoung knew there was a probability that the old Jaebum could be attracted to her, that he could forget what he originally had with Jinyoung. He thought that maybe, even though he’s not himself, Jaebum could keep in mind that he was still a husband and a father but I guess I thought wrong, he thought.

“You better get out of my sight before I slap you”, smiled back Jinyoung; if Suzy wanted to be petty, he should return the invitation.

She squeezed Jaebum’s right thigh before getting up and exiting the room, still smiling at Jinyoung.

“Three fucking days! I leave you alone three fucking days and when I come back I see you kissing someone else, and particularly Suzy! What the fuck Jaebum!”, now that she was gone Jinyoung could drop the mask: he was mad and he could see that Jaebum was taken aback by how fierce he was but, in all honestly, Jinyoung didn’t care, he just witnessed his husband kissing someone so he didn’t care if he looked too angry.

“I can explain…”

“You better explain!”, interrupted Jinyoung.

“She was just telling me how she and I met and what kind of relationship we had and suddenly she kissed me and before I could understand what was happening you entered the room. Thank you though, I know you don’t really like her, I felt it the first time you talked about her in Ilsan, but, honestly, now I understand why.”

“What if I got here 2 minutes later? Would you still be kissing her?” Jinyoung wanted to make sure that he didn’t feel anything. If Jaebum had felt something, anything, it’d be the end of them, he knew it. If he felt the flame with someone else it meant that Jinyoung wasn’t so special after, that they, together, weren’t so special after all.

“I don’t know Jinyoung. I told you I was surprised by what she did.”

“That’s not what I asked though”, Jinyoung started to get tensed again but he needed the answer, “Would you still be kissing her hyung?!”

“Jinyoung I…”

“Did you feel something!”, shouted Jinyoung when he realized Jaebum wouldn’t answer again. The hope he held on to this week, the hope that kept him from falling apart completely because he was sure that Jaebum and him could fix each other, because they needed each other, because they were special, was gone. It was replaced by the anger he felt when he read Jaebum’s note on the desk. He was feeling everything all over again; frustration, disappointment, helplessness. If Suzy was still around, she definitely heard him scream but he couldn’t care less right now.

Jaebum didn’t answer, though, he was looking at him perplexed, “Why?”, asked Jaebum, “Is it because of what happened between us? When I kissed you?”

Jaebum could still read him like an open book, it hurt. All the emotions he was feeling were drowning him and Jinyoung, who came here with the intention and determination to get Jaebum back, was now too tired, again, to fight back, too exhausted to even pretend anymore, “Answer the question hyung…”, replied Jinyoung with a quiet voice.

“I need to know why first. I need to know why you’ve been acting like this with me Jinyoungie. I lost 10 fucking years of my life and when I needed my best friend the most you fucking turned your back on me. I fucked up by kissing you, I know that but you ignored me for one fucking week. How is that fair, huh?” Jaebum wasn’t screaming but his voice was definitely louder and angrier than usual.

But Jinyoung couldn’t look at him, he didn’t have the energy anymore, “Because I was the first one…”

There was a pause when Jinyoung thought time itself stopped turning; he couldn’t even hear Jaebum’s heavy breathing, “The first one?”, Jaebum asked finally.

“The night you confessed, when I kissed you, you told me you felt a flame inside of you for the first time in your life”, Jinyoung looked up this time, “I was the first one to make you feel love hyung.”

Jaebum was still quiet, eyes wide open so Jinyoung continued, “I heard you when you told Hakyeon that you felt nothing when you kissed me Jaebum… Do you know how bad it hurts to realize that you’re not special to the love of your life anymore? Because that’s what we are to each other, we were supposed to be special for each other until the end, always and forever. You used to tell me that you’d never forget the moment you realized you loved me but the only thing you forgot is me hyung. You only forgot us.”

“Jinyoung I just needed my best friend…”

“And I needed the reassurance that you’d come back one day…You didn’t even say sorry after you kissed me…”

“You’d shut me down.”

“Because that’s who I am, hyung! Stubborn and childish most of the time and you’re supposed to know that about me. In your memories you’ve known me for 12 years…you can’t erase 12 years of friendship like this hyung.”

“I’m not a psychic Jinyoung…You can’t expect me to be him and then be mad when I’m not who you want me to be…I left because of that; I needed to figure who I was and who I wanted to be as a man. You had 10 years to figure that out but I need to do that on my own and I hope you understand.”

“What about the boys? We have a famil…”

“I’m not a dad Jinyoung. The love I have for them is real but loving someone and actually being a parent are two different things. When there was flour on the floor I automatically asked where you were so that you could handle it. When Mark was drunk you didn’t even panic in front of the boys and I, I scared them out. I’m not qualified to be a dad yet…”

“So, you’re not coming back? You’re giving us up?”

“I can’t keep hurting you! I don’t want to see you, or them, cry no more”

“We’re a family hyung, we take care of each other. You can’t just decide to leave us…”

“What if I never get my memory back? Will you be able to look me in the eyes and tell me that you’re happy I’m here by your side when you know you could have the new Jaebum with you? Will I be able to look at the sadness of not having Jaebum back in your eyes every single day? I know I can’t… I just need to take the time to figure out who I am…”

Jaebum wasn’t wrong, Jinyoung knew what it was like to have the new Jaebum by his side, even the boys only knew the new Jaebum so will they be alright? He needed Jaebum but he also needed his family to be happy. But Mark’s words came to his mind, _we can’t give up on him!_ Even though today was an epic failure to bring Jaebum back, Jinyoung still knew inside of him that not having Jaebum by his side was far worse than anything else. He felt it. He sensed it. They needed each other to be complete again.

Jaebum couldn’t see it now and Jinyoung understood his turmoil. In his head, Jaebum was 18, he was at the stage in life where you’re not an adult yet but you’re not a child anymore so you start to question yourself, your entire existence. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do with my life? And Jaebum didn’t get the chance to think about it, 5 children and a husband were thrown at him and he didn’t know how to react to everything. _I need time to figure out who I am_. If that’s what he needed, Jinyoung could give him that, but he will be back, again and again, to help Jaebum see the light. They helped each other go through this confusing stage back then but now it was Jinyoung’s turn to help Jaebum, and he would do it because he loved him.

He let another week pass, another week without talking or seeing Jaebum. Hakyeon called him every night, telling him how Jaebum was doing that day even though it couldn’t make up for the fact that he still missed him. During one of their evening phone calls, talking about what they could do to help Jaebum remember the man, the husband and the father he became over the years, Hakyeon suggested an idea that would involve everyone and that could speak to Jaebum more, more than words anyway: a song.

The idea was to sing him a song that represented what Jaebum meant to them and how he impacted their lives. It needed to be personal so that the persons singing could touch the deepest parts of Jaebum’s heart so they chose Mark, Jackson, Youngjae and themselves.

Mark wanted to do it because he still felt a little bit guilty about what happened when he got drunk and he was their first child, he wanted his Dad to know that it’s thanks to him that he found a family and that he became the man he is today. Jackson wanted to thank him, not only for giving him a family but also amazing siblings; Jaebum always supported him in every decision and project he put his mind on. When Youngjae heard that they were gonna sing he directly volunteered, telling him that if he sings it’s because his Dad inspired him with his music. And for Hakyeon and Jinyoung, they were and they still are the two closest people Jaebum’s got in his life, they needed to sing for him.

On Saturday, Jinyoung gathered everyone, but literally everyone: Seokjin’s and Namjoon’s family, Taekwoon’s and Hakyeon’s family and his boys, now they were just waiting for Hakyeon to bring Jaebum to the house. He knew Jaebum would’ve never accepted if it were Jinyoung asking so he charged Hakyeon to do it. A few minutes later, Jinyoung heard a ‘I swear to god if you don’t enter that house I’ll kick your ass Jaebumie’ from Hakyeon so they quickly put themselves in their designed spot. The living room was packed but he needed everyone to be here to show Jaebum that it wasn’t just Jinyoung that needed him, that it wasn’t just Jinyoung’s life he impacted but every single person in this room.

The door opened to a surprised Jaebum, he really didn’t except to see everyone at once in his house. Hakyeon quickly dragged him to his designed armchair and Youngjae started singing: “I wouldn’t be who I am without you”, Jaebum was bewildered by the sudden instrumental and his son singing but he said nothing so Youngjae walked up to him to take his hand and look him in the eyes, “I wouldn’t sing the way I sing without you. You fill my eyes up with colour and you’ll always be my father. I wouldn’t be who I am…”

It was Mark’s turn to sing, he was never interested that much in singing but he took the time to write what he wanted to say to his father and to practice with Hakyeon whenever he had the time, “I wouldn’t be the son I am without a father who showed me I can face all the bullies at school, you taught me how to keep my cool. I wouldn’t be who I am…”

Jackson wanted to sing about not only how much he meant to him but the impact his Dad had on their family so he took Mark’s and Bambam’s hand, who was next to him, and sang, “I wouldn’t be the brother I am without brothers who understand my ambitions and dreams, we always were on the same team. I wouldn’t be who I am…”

Jinyoung was the one present through all the hard times Jaebum had in his life in the last 23 years but he was also the one with whom he started a family, a family that doesn’t start or stop with blood but with love and respect, “Without the people we don’t see no more and all the imperfections on my skin. The family tree, with its branches around me. Oh, I just wouldn’t be who I am…”

Everyone started humming “I wouldn’t be who I am…” while slowly getting closer to Jaebum. They sang about Jaebum the dad and the husband but nothing would have been possible if Jaebum hadn’t been an amazing friend that gathered people together to create such an incredible bound that could last for decades so that’s when Hakyeon started singing, “I wouldn’t be the human I am without the friends that let me fly and help me land. Our foundations go deep, I'll always have a place to sleep. I wouldn’t be who I am…”

Now that the song was done, the room was silent. Jaebum wasn’t crying but he definitely got tears in his eyes. Did he work? Did he finally realise that’s how a family worked? We help and support each other no matter what. Bambam ran to his Dad to hug him, quickly followed by Yugyeom and Youngjae who was already next to him hugged him as well.

“Jaebum I know you don’t remember who you are”, started Jinyoung, “and that it frustrates you but _this_ is the man you were and the man you can still be. You touched the life of every single person present in this room because you’re a good man, hyung. But you’re not just a good man you’re a great husband that raised, with me, 5 wonderful children. Don’t underestimate how great of a father you are either. When we adopted Mark, he couldn’t speak Korean and we didn’t have enough money to pay a tutor so you were the one teaching him everything he knows today. Jackson has always been a little more active and loud than Mark, but you were always encouraging him in everything he was doing. Youngjae grew up watching you writing and singing songs about what made you the happiest and that’s how he found his own happiness in singing. You were the one noticing and insisting that we adopt Yugyeom alongside with Bambam. You helped me go through everything I’ve experienced in life, we went through that together. We created the family we always wanted and needed.”

“I’ve been quite stupid lately, I admit, ignoring the person I love the most in life but I realized I needed you more than I thought. We need each other more than I thought. I know it’s frightening but I’m gonna be there, we are going to be right, right next to you at every step you make, so please hyung, don’t give up on us and come back home to us, to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) 
> 
> I wanted to say a few things:  
> 1\. I have nothing against Suzy in real life, I love her, it's just that I needed some "bad guy" at some point.  
> 2\. Can we talk about how much strength Jinyoung receives from Mark? :( He loves his son so much omg :"(  
> 3\. Since I'm a Psychology student I tend to focus on humans' emotions and thoughts processes more, this is why there's still no smut in the fiction haha so take the tag "eventual smut" at face value because it's definitely not in chapter 11 or 12 that we're gonna have some smut hahaha sorry  
> 4\. Exams are coming up so I'll start posting once a week but you can always follow my curiouscat (@chahgase) if you want to talk about the fanfic more haha
> 
> Have a nice day :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum is back at his house with Jinyoung and the boys and maybe he's happier than he expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooooo I'm back!!! I know I know I haven't posted in such a long time but I'm back with a HAPPY chapter. Not gonna lie, I'm not used to happiness in this fiction so it was hard writing it hahaha but I hope you'll like it. The chapter is not long but we needed some parts to understand Jaebum's internal turmoil about Jinyoung and his new life. By the way! It's Yugyeom's birthday so to set the mood, if you can, listen to Happy Birthday by Stevie Wonder (the live version in 2009 not the studio version lol). But anyway enjoy :)

“That’s not what I want to wear!” said Bambam sulking.

Jaebum was trying to get to boys ready for school but Bambam wasn’t making his job easy, at all. First, he didn’t want to wake up, but since Jaebum promised he could do it all by himself he didn’t want to call Jinyoung for help. He even considered if pouring cold water on Bambam could help but he opted for tickles instead, it was safer and less messy. But now that he was awake, Bambam didn’t want to wear what Jaebum chose, just how much sulky and stubborn a 5 years-old can be, seriously, thought Jaebum.

“Bambam-ah, last night you said you liked it, so what’s wrong with it now?" asked Jaebum determined to get the child dressed.

“Last night it was pretty but I changed my mind. I don’t want it anymore.”

With the look on his face, Jaebum knew Bambam would not change his mind easily, so he sighed defeated, and walked to the dressing room Youngjae, Yugyeom and Bambam shared, followed quickly by the latter. Three denied outfits later, Bambam finally agreed to a simple white t-shirt and a Demin overalls. Jaebum just spent 15 minutes trying to get Bambam dressed and he chose that? Children can be so demanding, sighed Jaebum.

He has been back for almost two weeks now, not because he wanted to but because of everything the others did for him, Jaebum felt it wasn’t _right_ if he didn't go back. It doesn’t mean he won’t try to arrange things between Jinyoung and him or him and everybody else, it means that he’ll try to get along with them, whilst still trying to figure out who he was. The song really was cute and it made him realise that indeed he was a part of that huge loving family but it still didn’t feel _real_. Just like he told Jinyoung; loving someone and actually being who the person wants you to be are two different things; he still loved the boys but he wasn’t ready to be a father yet.

Jinyoung understood that quickly so he helped Jaebum go back to his old habits and routines. Apparently, on weekdays, Jaebum and Jinyoung would wake up at 7:00 am, Jaebum direction the kitchen to make breakfast and Jinyoung going upstairs to wake up the boys. Jinyoung told him he was usually the one cooking the different meals but if the boys wanted to bake they would do it with Jinyoung. While the boys were getting ready, Jinyoung would join Jaebum in the kitchen to prepare the boys’ lunches and snacks. After their breakfast eaten, the bags ready and the house closed, Jaebum and Jinyoung would split in their own respective cars: Jaebum driving Mark, Jackson, and Youngjae to Seoul Foreign School and Jinyoung driving Bambam and Yugyeom to Namsan International Kindergarten. Jinyoung will go then spend some time with Jisoo at her studio or just go back home to work on whatever book he was working on and Jaebum, to his office/studio in Yeonhui-dong, close to the boys’ school and Namjoon’s house. That’s how Jaebum’s day will usually go, sometimes going out to take some shots or hanging out with Namjoon if they both didn’t have much to do.

That day, during breakfast, while they were talking about the different activities they would have after school, Yugyeom asked him, “Dad, what present did you buy me for my birthday?”

Birthday? Oh god, Jaebum totally forgot about that, “It wouldn’t be a surprise if I tell you now, Gyeom-ah.” The young boy smiled so Jaebum was satisfied with his lie. It’s not like he forgot because he didn’t care about Yugyeom but because his mind was still on what happened last Saturday on Taekwoon’s 33th birthday.

For his husband’s birthday, Hakyeon decided, because of all the different events that happened recently, it was better to keep it simple and just invite their close circle. On last Saturday, while the kids were doing their own thing and the adults were in Hakyeon’s living room, Jaebum couldn’t help but realise how strong their bond actually was. Just by how Jinyoung, Hakyeon and Seokjin were joking together and how, for the first time in his life, Jaebum witnessed Taekwoon smiling so brightly. Things changed over the years and it was “nice” to be part of that now but Jaebum still felt uncomfortable. How was he supposed to act when they all shared these memories together and he, only, remembered events from the last few weeks. It just didn’t feel _right_.

These thoughts were still on his mind even after dropping the boys to school. Yugyeom’s birthday was totally different, it was not just a friend, it was his son. He couldn’t fuck up at all that day, it was gonna be Yugyeom’s special day and it had to be happy from beginning to end. Oh, how much he wished he could remember his past (more like his present) to know what to do and what to say. But since he couldn’t, he had to make Yugyeom’s present special. That little boy deserved all the happiness in the world so he’d make sure to be part of that.

“Can you help me find a present for Yugyeom?” asked Jaebum to Jinyoung.

“Sure,” smiled the younger man, “What do you have in mind?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know enough about him to make it special.”

“I’m sure you can work it out hyung.”

That’s how Jaebum ended up at the mall on a Friday afternoon with Jinyoung, Mark and Jackson. The two boys ended school earlier than expected so they picked them up on their way to the mall. They now have 2 hours before school ends for the 3 other boys and before Yugyeom asks again about his birthday party tomorrow.

“Ok so what does he like?” asked Jaebum who was sipping on his iced americano.

“What do you think he likes?” smirked Mark.

“We only 2 hours, we don’t have time to play some guessing games.”

“He’s right dad,” interrupted Jackson, “We can help you find something but it has to come from you. Otherwise, it won’t be that special for him and especially for you.”

Okay, so what does Jaebum know about his son? Even though he’s the youngest, he’s always trying to appear like a ‘big boy’ in front of his hyungs, but Jaebum sees Yugyeom as this little big ball of cuteness; the boy is always clinging onto him, seeking for hugs so Jaebum can’t help but see him like this. Yugyeom also loves dancing, alone or with Bambam and/or Lisa. The look he’s got on his face whenever he dances reminds Jaebum of the time he started dancing in his room. His dad didn’t really like how he would just get immersed into dancing, forgetting to study but it made him feel so free, so himself. Jaebum was glad he became the opposite of his father, allowing his sons to do what made them happy. Apart from dancing, Yugyeom doesn’t really show interest in anything else and Jaebum couldn’t just offer a book to a 5 years-old boy. In conclusion, Jaebum doesn’t really know that much about the boy but maybe he could do something about that.

“I think I have an idea,” smiled Jaebum.

* * *

 

On Saturday morning, Jaebum was woken up by loud music coming from the living room. He quickly glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, 8:03 am. Since it’s Yugyeom’s birthday today he expected to sleep in a little bit longer because in the afternoon there would be more than 35 persons in the house with 22 of them being children from 5 to 16 years old; he had to be prepared mentally and physically for this challenge.

He got up to walk towards the music, only to find Jinyoung and Hakyeon in the kitchen looking as if they were about to start cooking. Jaebum liked that; Jinyoung and Hakyeon being this close together now. Back then, Jaebum was the one hanging out with Hakyeon most of the time and yes, even though Jinyoung and Hakyeon got along quite well, you’d never see them hang out without Jaebum.

“Don’t you think it’s a little bit early to play music that loud?” questioned Jaebum after sitting down on one of the aisle’s stools picking a piece of carrot Jinyoung just cut.

“You’re lucky I let you sleep in Jaebum-ah, Jinyoung was the one telling me I should let you sleep. It’s not like we didn’t need help to clean the house, prepare the food and put the decorations after all, right Jinyoungie?” said Hakyeon.

“Don’t use sarcasm on me hyung,” laughed Jinyoung, “I just said we should let him sleep a little bit longer.”

“Just because he’s your husband doesn’t mean he can get a special treatment.”

Jaebum was smiling at the conversation these two were having until he heard the word husband. That’s right, he was still Jinyoung’s husband after all. Since he came back Jinyoung has been acting like the Jinyoung Jaebum remembers and with Hakyeon being more present than ever, Jaebum really thought they were back to when they would spend time in Hakyeon’s apartment on weekends, playing with Jaehwan. But that wasn’t the case, if they’re here it’s not because they’re friends, even though that’s still one of the reasons, but because Jaebum was married to Jinyoung and that’s it.

“I…I’m just gonna wake up the boys,” said Jaebum when he realised that the other two also noticed the awkwardness of the situation.

A few hours later the house was cleaned, the food ready and the decorations on the walls. The theme was Superheroes, Yugyeom wanted Avengers only but he also didn’t want someone else with the same costume as him so they decided to broaden up the theme to Superheroes in general. Yugyeom was Captain America because he wanted Jungkook to be Bucky, while Bambam was obsessed with T’Challa, saying he’s a King so he dressed up as Black Panther. Jaebum was still not familiar to all the new superheroes that came out over the years but he found it cute how obsessed Bambam was with saying “Wakanda Forever” every time he had the chance to. In the list of characters Jaebum didn’t know was Jackson’s costume, Deadpool? But hopefully, Mark and Youngjae dressed up as characters he knew: Spider-Man and The Hulk. Jaebum didn’t really want to dress up but Jinyoung told him that he had to; after a few hours of compromising they found the perfect costume: Nick Furry, it was both in the theme and simple, perfect. Speaking of Jinyoung he was dressed as Iron Man but he was confusing the hell out of Jaebum because whenever a guest arrived, he would open the door saying, “I am Groot” with a low voice.

Jaebum was now sitting on the porch with Namjoon/Batman and Taekwoon/Loki, watching over the kids. They just finished playing a game of musical chairs and some of them wanted to start playing a tag game so here they were, looking after them from a distance and praying that none of them will fall and get hurt or worse fall into the pool.

The atmosphere was so lively and joyful, Jaebum wasn’t used to that. Growing up, he had birthday parties, yes but not that big, with that many friends and definitely not with that much love around it. Jinyoung was there, he has always been there, and as long as his best friend was present, he didn’t care much about anything else, except maybe for the cake. Even when he was in High School, his circle got smaller and smaller now that he was hanging out with Hakyeon. He still hung out with people his age but on weekends he will spend all his time with Hakyeon dancing or with Jinyoung. Perhaps, he could have made a little bit more effort in making friends back then but the reality is that’s all he wanted and needed.

Suddenly, Jinyoung was calling everyone inside, saying that there was a surprise for Yugyeom. Jaebum wasn’t aware of a surprise but usually, when someone says something like this it’s because a clown arrives or in that case, since the theme is superheroes, maybe Spiderman will jump off the ceiling, who knows? But no, in the living room Hakyeon and Youngjae were sitting at the piano with Jihyo and Nayeon next to them, and Mark, Wonshik and Yoongi were in front of it. What he didn’t expect was for the 3 teenagers to start singing It’s My Birthday by will.i.am. Yugyeom, who was sitting down in front of them, didn’t hesitate to stand up and start dancing, quickly followed by Bambam and Lisa. Soon enough, everyone in the room was hyped by the performance of the 3 boys dancing or just clapping their hands.

After the song was done, Hakyeon started playing the piano and Youngjae, Jihyo and Nayeon started singing Happy Birthday by Stevie Wonder. Everyone’s clapping intensified and now even the people who were still sitting down during the previous song got up and danced. Jinyoung was dancing with Yugyeom, holding his hands and making him twirl. Jaebum has never seen a smile this big on his best friend’s face. The icing on the cake was when, for the last chorus, everyone in the room started singing happy birthday together. The room was so full of joy it was almost suffocating but in a good way. Everyone was gathered here today to celebrate his son’s birthday and even though he didn’t know everyone in the room he felt as if he belonged there, that was his place and nowhere else, and it was a little bit scary he must admit.

When the song was about to end Namjoon and Taekwoon entered the living room with a 3 stages Avengers cake, decorated with Captain America’s shield, Iron Man’s mask, Hulk’s hands and Thor’s hammer and cape, with Yugyeom written on it in big front letters. Well, at least we could say that Jinyoung didn’t prepare this birthday half-heartedly. Now that everyone was calm, they sang the original Korean happy birthday song together before Yugyeom blew up his candles.

While Jinyoung was cutting the cake, Yugyeom took Jaebum’s hand and led him to the pile of presents in the corner of the room. He made Jaebum sit down on a chair and climbed onto his lap. Jaebum wasn’t foreign to Yugyeom making him do things, or to Yugyeom wanting to be close to Jaebum, it’s just that he was still overwhelmed by everything that happened in the last 10 minutes.

Twenty opened gifts later and Jaebum was sure the boys’ playroom was definitely going to be overflowed by toys now. Whilst Yugyeom was smiling and saying thank you every time he opened a gift, the big smile he saw earlier when he was dancing wasn’t on his face.

“Yugyeomie, you’re alright?”

Yugyeom looked up to meet Jaebum’s eyes and pouted, “I didn’t find your present.”

So that was all about that, Jaebum’s gift. He quickly got up to grab a wrapped book he hid in the living room’s bookshelf behind all the different photo albums they had. He went back to sit down on the armchair he was previously on, and this time he put Yugyeom on his lap willingly because he needed his son to hear and understand what he was going to say.

“So Yugyeomie,” started Jaebum, “You already know that I forgot some things about you and our family, right?” Yugyeom nodded, “Well I thought maybe you could help me remember who you are a little bit more.” With his eyes still locked on Jaebum’s, Yugyeom started tearing the wrapping off the book, “The book is called _My Book about Me by Me, Myself_. In it you can write and draw everything about yourself and what you like and don’t like, who you think you are and what you want to be and do. We can ask Jinyoung for help if you want but I really hope we can complete it together so that I can start loving you the way I used to love you.”

That’s when it appeared, the smile Yugyeom only wears when he’s dancing or laughing so hard he's crying. Jaebum still had doubts and worries about coming back to his family, about still not knowing who he was but if coming back meant seeing Yugyeom smile this brightly at him, maybe he could get used to it.

“Even if you don’t remember us I still love you Dad,” said Yugyeom hugging Jaebum who hugged him back tightly.

That night, while he was sitting on the bed he was sharing with Jinyoung, the latter still in the bathroom preparing for bed, Jaebum kept thinking of everything that happened today. He started the day perplexed with Hakyeon reminding him without any notice that indeed he was now Jinyoung’s husband and not only his best friend anymore. But then Yugyeom’s birthday put these thoughts out of his mind for a few hours. Instead, he was left baffled by the amount of gaiety that was present today. It was his first time witnessing that much glee in front of his eyes and he didn’t know if he should be happy or scared. He was even a little bit ashamed to be there with them when he wasn’t who they wanted him to be. The new Jaebum should have been there to witness this, not him. He doesn’t belong to that world, or maybe he does and that’s what scares him the most. What if he enjoys his new life too much? What if never gets his memory back and he continues to live with them like this? It would feel like a fraudulence; enjoying what’s not his with people who are still hoping to see someone that’s not him.

But soon enough, his train of thoughts was interrupted by Jinyoung’s voice, “You won’t be able to sleep if you think too much Jaebum-ah”, said Jinyoung putting himself under the covers.

“Are you quoting our own mother?” laughed Jaebum.

“She would always tell you that whenever you slept over. Now that I think about it I’ve never asked you what you were thinking that much about whenever you’d come over.”

“You know how much I love noonas and your sisters are pretty you know,” Jaebum was cut short by Jinyoung’s punch on his left bicep.

“Yah! Don’t talk about my sisters like that hyung,” chuckled Jinyoung.

“You know how I am Jinyoung-ah,” smirked Jaebum. He was clearly joking but could he admit to Jinyoung what he used to think about before bed back then?

“Seriously hyung, I want to know,” now Jinyoung was looking at him with his big baby deer eyes, the eyes he used whenever he wanted Jaebum to do something for him. Jinyoung really didn’t change over the years.

He made a quick pause before saying, “Your family was so happy…,” Jaebum looked up but he was met with Jinyoung’s encouraging eyes so he continued, “Your mom, your dad, even your sisters, you were so nice with each other and with me I didn’t know if I deserved it… Whenever I came over, I would always feel part of your family…you were the brother I never had…”

“You were hyung.”

“Yeah but…I wasn’t you…I didn’t have your grades, I would always get in trouble…I don’t even know why you were my friend…”

“Hyung,” Jinyoung sat up and turned Jaebum’s head for him to look him in the eyes, “Have you ever thought that we accepted you in our family because you just were yourself? We didn’t care about your grades, we only cared about you as a human being. Don’t think you didn’t deserve all the happiness you’ve had in life because I promise, you did. And I was your friend because you inspired me, yeah, I know surprising. But, you taught me how to take no BS from anyone, you opened my eyes to the universe of books and look at me now I’m an author and most importantly you showed me what it was like to be passionate about something, did you know how bright your eyes were whenever you were dancing?”

 _Don’t think you didn’t deserve all the happiness you’ve had in life because I promise, you did_. Could this also apply in real life right now? Did he really deserve all the happiness he’s experienced today?

“Thank you for today by the way,” said Jinyoung when he realised Jaebum was back in his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Your ‘parental figure’ even if you think you don’t have one, the fact that you accepted to dress up and especially for Yugyeom’s gift, thank you hyung.”

“I just wanted to make him happy, I guess,” finally replied Jaebum.

“And you did! From the moment I gave him his bath to the moment he fell asleep he kept talking about how he would start writing in his book with you tomorrow!” Jinyoung’s smile was so radiant, Jaebum could feel its warmth.

“Oh, and I almost forgot,” started again Jinyoung, “We have to go to Ilsan on Monday for a check-up. The appointment at 10 so we’ll just go after dropping the boys to school.”

* * *

 

Jaebum didn’t think that would happen but on their way to Ilsan this Monday he was nervous, his palms more sweaty than usual. The route and Ilsan represent so much to him and his new self; everything started and ended in Ilsan for him. It was haven place, it felt safe there, knowing that he was in his old bedroom and that he was next to his mom but then the situation with his dad came to light and he didn’t want to stay if it meant hurting Jinyoung and Jackson. But a few days after returning to Seoul, he realised that maybe he wasn’t ready for this life, maybe he should return to his mom but when he left he opted for Hakyeon’s house because he’ll never be able to forgive his dad…

“So Jaebum-ssi have you recalled anything?” asked the doctor after doing a physical inspection on Jaebum.

“Sometimes I say something and they ask me if I’m back, saying that it’s something the new me would say but it doesn’t trigger anything in me so no I don’t really remember much,” answered Jaebum.

“Uh M. Park can you leave us for a minute? I would like to talk to Jaebum in private.”

“Sure.”

Jaebum was now left alone with the doctor and the woman was making him more nervous than he already was, “Jaebum-ssi do you want to regain your memory?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I want it?”

“You know some patients are afraid of remembering the trauma.”

“I’m not afraid of the accident doctor.”

“So, what are you afraid of?”

What was he afraid of? Probably everything since he came back. When he thought he was doing the right thing he ended up disappointing Jinyoung. His son got drunk because he was missing his dad too much. What if he ever says something wrong to or around the boys? What if Jinyoung decides that he can’t do it anymore and leaves him, will Jaebum lose his best friend for good? What if it’s the contrary? What if they stay like this with Jaebum enjoying what’s not his? And what if he grows up and becomes a different Jaebum than the Jaebum he is supposed to be? He tried to look strong in front of everyone but the confusion he was feeling has been eating him alive little by little for the past month.

“You can still decide you want a different life, or you can decide to keep the one you have now, but you need to open yourself up to remembering or else you’ll be afraid to live your past and present.”

Was Jaebum the one subconsciously telling his brain that he shouldn’t remember? It doesn’t make sense, he should want to remember so that all the anxiety he has been feeling lately could finally go away. But does he even want to? When the doctor asked him if he wanted to, he said yes because that’s the default answer but does he really want to remember? What if the doctor was right and he didn’t want to remember the trauma? But what trauma? The only trauma happening here is Jinyoung waking up every single day to realise that the guy sleeping next to him is not his husband. Maybe he was just overthinking everything. He’ll just have to give some time to time and everything will eventually work out, he was sure.

* * *

 

One day that Jaebum was all alone at home, the boys at school and Jinyoung in a meeting with his editor or manager, he was digging around the different books, DVDs, albums and photo albums they had in the living room’s bookshelf when he came across a DVD he never saw before, called The History of Love. He expected a movie and not a 20-something-years-old Jaebum talking to a camera.

“Ok Jinyoungie what I’m about to do is totally cheesy and you know how I feel about cute stuff and shit but since it’s for you I’ll do it.” The Jaebum talking to the camera had the same hairstyle Jaebum has now so the video wasn’t that old and he could recognise the background: his studio.

“Today marks our marriage’s 10 years anniversary and I wanted to take you on a memory lane of our story of us. As you can see the title of this video is The History of Love because it was the title of your first book you released 10 years ago and it was also about us.” Jaebum couldn’t believe what he was watching; the new Jaebum made a DVD about what he feels for Jinyoung for their 10 years together.

“Wait for it, I’m gonna say it again. We _fell_ for each other twice in our lives. First time when I bumped into you at 6, sorry not sorry about that by the way because your mom’s kimbaps were delicious, and the second time when I finally realised what you meant to me at 18 and here I am right now, 29, and more in love with you than I’ve ever been before.”

“You helped me help myself become the man I wanted to be and the father to a family I needed. Just like we promised each other a long time ago…” suddenly Jaebum was replaced by an older footage of Jinyoung and him in front of Ilsan’s mayor. Was it their wedding? Oh my god! They looked so young and fresh and why…why did Jaebum have a mullet? Why did Jinyoung even allow this on their wedding day? But even Jinyoung’s hair was longer, his left eye slightly covered by hair. The person holding the camera also filmed the people present and oh my god, is that Mark? He knew that they adopted Mark, Wonshik and Yoongi when they were 5 but actually seeing him this small was quite chocking.

The mayor exclaimed that it was time for the vows and he should turn it off, he shouldn’t be allowed to see something this intimate that Jaebum and Jinyoung shared but a part of him wanted to see and hear how much they’ve loved each other.

“I vow to help you love life,” started Jinyoung, “to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands,” Jinyoung had the smile he had when he was dancing with Yugyeom, the smile that was only allowed to the new Jaebum, “To always support you, in every challenge you want to try, and to maintain our love for each other and for Mark, to create the family we always wanted. To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they’re not. To agree, to disagree on whether or not ramen is the best thing ever,” everyone laughed but it was true that ramen was definitely in Jaebum’s Top 3 favourite food, “and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.” _Always call it home_. Even when Jinyoung had loving parents and siblings he still considered Jaebum his home…

“Wow you’ve set the bar kind of high,” said Jaebum, “I’ve prepared something but fuck it I’m just gonna let my heart speak.”

“As always Jaebumie!” shouted Namjoon from the other side of the room. It made everyone chuckle but Jaebum took a deep breath and started again:

“I vow to fiercely love and protect you, always and forever. To help each other grow as individuals and to encourage you in everything you want to do in life because you’re pretty fucking amazing already Park Jinyoung. You, accepting my love with all the flaws that came with it and you, accepting to start a family with me was everything I’ve ever needed in life so I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”

A few weeks ago, Jinyoung told him ‘ _you used to tell me that you’d never forget the moment you realised you loved me but the only thing you forgot is me hyung_ ’ and Jaebum heard him but he didn’t and couldn’t understand what it really meant for Jinyoung. Now he gets it; Jaebum fucking promised in his vow to never forget his love for Jinyoung and here he was now…

Jinyoung didn’t deserve this, Jaebum thought, the only thing he ever did was trying his best and life punched him in the face without any prior notice, making his world crumble underneath his feet. So maybe Jaebum was indeed scared of what his life could become if he stayed like this but he couldn’t, he shouldn’t stay away from the possibility of regaining his memory even if it hurt him; Jinyoung was the one hurting the most in this situation. _You need to open yourself up to remembering_ the doctor told him, well maybe that’s what he was going to do from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! :)
> 
> The chapter ends on a note of hope and don't worry Chapter 12 will live up to the expectations. I finished the entire outline of the fanfic so I definitely know where I'm going now.  
> Also, I'm so sorry to tell you that the next time I'll post will be on June 16th because my exams start in 2 weeks (I'm so behind all my revisions) and there's the GOT7 concert in Paris (I'm gonna see GOT7 when I'll still have exams, talk about having my priorities straight haha) it's gonna be hectic *sigh* 
> 
> When it comes to their fashion (e.g. Bambam's outfit at the beginning of the chapter) you can always find it on the Vision Board I made on Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/charliebazile/waves-of-time-fanfic-board/ (I spend way too much time on that. help.) and there's also my curiouscat https://curiouscat.me/chahgase if you want to talk about the fiction since I won't be able to upload for the next 3/4 weeks
> 
> One last thing: I'm not a mullet anti and Jinyoung's hair during their wedding was his Stop Stop It hairstyle.
> 
> If you also have exams, good luck <3  
> Have a good day :D 
> 
> (PS: to fully enjoy Jaebum's character development pay extra attention to his vocabulary, he went from "his family" in Chapter 6 to "our family" in this chapter. It's a slow process (the mind is complicated people it's normal) but we're getting there I promise)


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